Sometimes you really need that vodka shot when things go wrong in the database

522 points · 20 comments · view on lemmy.world

20 Comments

apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social · 44 pts · 2y (1 reply)

They should have a rocks glass with a query on it

SELECT * FROM liquor_cabinet WHERE proof >= 120

pHr34kY@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 2y

> 176 shots returned.

Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 37 pts · 2y

They also give away branded needles so you can give yourself an SQL injection.

KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml · 36 pts · 2y (4 replies)

The DBA at my old job used to keep a revolver with one bullet, and a bottle of evan williams in his cabinet. There would come many a time when he reaches for the drawer and opens it, seeing both. He always opted for the whiskey, but having seen some of our PRs, there were definitely times he lingered on the revolver.

This is a joke, btw. When's the last time you've seen a dedicated DBA lol

xmunk@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 2y (3 replies)

Gosh I hope you took some creative liberties with that story... a coworker having a loaded gun at the office would be creepy as fuck - even if it was just in support of a joke.

KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml · 14 pts · 2y (1 reply)

I made it up from another joke.

xmunk@sh.itjust.works · 0 pts · 2y

That gives me great comfort.

gregorum@lemm.ee · 9 pts · 2y

The 90s were a different time. Believe me, I used to work Dell tech support in the Win9x days…

xmunk@sh.itjust.works · 35 pts · 2y

That's some really clever Postgres merch.

bappity@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 2y (1 reply)

bartender! one TRUNCATE for me please! I don't want to remember this night

7heo@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 2y

Bartender:

This is the closest I got.

penquin@lemm.ee · 13 pts · 2y
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HogsTooth@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 2y (3 replies)

ElasticSearch would make me drink if I drank

imsodin@infosec.pub · 3 pts · 2y (1 reply)

Could you do your best dunk on ES for me please? Not as in factually great, just whatever. I (ab)use quite a bit in my work, and can't say I have particularly strong opinions/feelings around it either way - I could use some help to change that xD

HogsTooth@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y

My most recent complaint is about index mappings. I have 2 types in 2 different indexes that each have a field with the same name. One index has a hand written mapping. The other index is currently under active development and doesn't have a mapping for it yet so it's built automatically. When I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping, the index WITH a mapping changes the field into a keyword and no further queries against the index WITH a mapping work. This also happens if I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping before the other index is created. Why does the index WITH a mapping change?!? WE WROTE THE MAPPING FOR A REASON BUT ITS IGNORED!?!

Unforeseen@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2y
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veniasilente@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 2y

Bartender, I'll have a shot of that. And please clear my TABLE, I'd rather have a nice VIEW.

afk_strats@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2y

That'll make you forget about the analyst who left didn't add a WHERE clause in their "test" UPDATE statement

ForynGilnith@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 2y

Show me one which says MariaDB and then I'll be interested

JakenVeina@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y (3 replies)

Can I get an Oracle version?

firefly@neon.nightbulb.net · 2 pts · 2y (1 reply)
Bene7rddso@feddit.de · 1 pts · 2y
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Bene7rddso@feddit.de · 2 pts · 2y

This is an Oracle version

Presi300@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
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