the hor-rules persist

I'm livin' someone's dream, but it sure ain't mine...

NGL aspects of my current life were merely dreams to me a decade ago.

The novelty of having running water on tap will never get old to me, or having a hot shower whenever I want, or a fridge to keep food in.

Of course there's also aspects that make me feel like I'm living in the horror of how things could be. I find myself waking sometimes wishing to have what I had then, even if it meant losing everything I have now.

Letting my reality be wiped away like the sleep from my eyes just to be back then to have what I lost.

But of course even those years back then (and before) weren't great. In fact many of them were so terrible that to this day (at over 30) I keep a small light in my room so that when the PTSD kicks into over drive in the night I can quickly figure out where I am to quickly ground myself in reality.

The horrors persist, but so do I. For how can I can the jewels of life unless I continue the search?

The horrors are like a Dark Souls boss.

I only need to defeat them once to progress, but they can never keep me from trying over and over again no matter how many times I die.

Living the dream, I expect to wake up any second.

I first read "the horses do persist, but so do i" but that’s silly because horses aren’t even real