SATANIST PROMISES

440 points · 55 comments · view on lemmy.world

55 Comments

ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world · 30 pts · 3y (3 replies)

AROOO

yumpsuit@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 3y (1 reply)

AVE SATANI BROTHER, LET’S VAPE SOME CRANK AND READ NINTENDO POWER

ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 3y

LET'S PLAY SOME MOTHERFUCKING MARIO CART MY BROTHER IN ANTICHRIST

bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 9 pts · 3y

CRANK THOSE HOGS DAY IN DAY OUT MFERS AROOOOOO

shadowspirit@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 3y

Where do I sign?

ZILtoid1991@kbin.social · 11 pts · 3y (3 replies)

I want a giant hog and a Nintendo!

Won't be using the drugs though.

N4CHEM@lemmy.ml · 13 pts · 3y (2 replies)

You can sell them for profit

Agamemnon@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 3y (1 reply)

Or give them to the hog for even more power!

N4CHEM@lemmy.ml · 11 pts · 3y

So many options! Thanks Satanists!

ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 3y

Giant hog, for squeezing

refurbishedrefurbisher@lemmy.sdf.org · 9 pts · 3y (2 replies)

So... do I get to own the entire company named Nintendo, or is this like when people just called the NES a "Nintendo?"

Ddhuud@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3y

Nintendo exists, promise fulfilled.

Piemanding@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 3y

You become a Nintendo subscriber.

HelixDab2@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 3y (5 replies)

These days we promise a PS5 since Nintendo discontinued full consoles.

Also, you only get a giant hog if that's what you want; Satan respects your gender identity. You can sub in cat ears.

WackyTabbacy42069@reddthat.com · 6 pts · 3y (1 reply)

Back then didn't they just say Nintendo to reference consoles in general? Maybe this Satanic package actually includes whatever console you like

Kolanaki@yiffit.net · 2 pts · 3y

I wanna Sega. It does what Nintendon't!

Kolanaki@yiffit.net · 2 pts · 3y (1 reply)

I want to sub in cat ears but still also have a giant hog.

HelixDab2@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 3y

Best I can do is a piglet and one cat ear. We can't just give both to everyone or else it devalues them for the people that already made deals, and they'll start trying to renegotiate, and that fucks up all the records.

CharAhNalaar@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 3y

This is the weirdest shade against the Switch I've ever read. It's literally a full console that is also portable!

dipshit@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 3y

this isn’t satan, this is wario!

herrwoland@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 3y

Hoooog ridaaaaaa

BobbyNevada@discuss.tchncs.de · 5 pts · 3y

Neat!

Agamemnon@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3y (3 replies)

Hmmm. Do the drugs come packaged with the hog or with the nintendo?

EhList@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3y (1 reply)
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flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 3y

That's nice.

mindbleach@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3y

They're in the RAM expansion slot, behind the car keys.

VanRijn29@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3y

"Dinsdale!"

RiikkaTheIcePrincess@kbin.social · 3 pts · 3y (6 replies)

I don't want the hog but I'll take the rest, please 🫴
Just give my hog to somecritter else :D

CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3y

You could sell the hog to buy more drugs

Krompus@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3y (2 replies)

Hog can be slang for penis.

RiikkaTheIcePrincess@kbin.social · 3 pts · 3y (1 reply)

Definitely give it to somecritter else.

... Unless we're talking, like... wink wink nudge kinda giving me a 'hog' in which case yes. 🤷‍♀

Krompus@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3y

uwu

FlyingSquid@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3y (1 reply)

Don't be so hasty. Stick with me here- Super Mario Luau.

RiikkaTheIcePrincess@kbin.social · 2 pts · 3y

headtilt?

Steeve@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 3y

I'll take a #4

newIdentity@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 3y

All of them please

fckreddit@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 3y

Reads Nintendo.

Me: "I am listening."

Kahlenar@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 3y

Are you a TH?

Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -16 pts · 3y (23 replies)

So literally earthly vices that will cost you your soul

themeatbridge@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 3y (22 replies)

Sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my giant cocaine hog playing Nintendo.

Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -14 pts · 3y (21 replies)

You will neither hear me over the sound of eternal flames after selling your soul to Satanism

histy@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 3y (18 replies)
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Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -9 pts · 3y (17 replies)

"Satanism" is pretty much related to Judeo-Christian theology, wether you like it or not

RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 3y (3 replies)

Take your meds 😂🤌

Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -7 pts · 3y (2 replies)

Or maybe take your comment and shove it up your ass

ruckblack@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 3y

That wasn't very Christlike

Agamemnon@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 3y (1 reply)

pictured below: a visual representation of the amount of people that asked.

Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -6 pts · 3y

Nice, instead of answering with a comment worthy of a developed brain you just say "nobody asked"

histy@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3y (10 replies)
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Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -6 pts · 3y (9 replies)

Satan is part of Judeo-Christian theology, therefore it's not out of place to bring the rest of it to the table. Simple as that

And don't bring me this shit of "Ackshually, Satanists don't believe in Satan" they may not believe in it, but they're definitely following its command

histy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 3y
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oryx@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 3y (1 reply)

Yo, from a Satanist, you're fuckin stupid

Ave Satanas!

Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 3y

May God bless your soul, you'll need it