Scientists Warn Earth Could Fall Below 50% On Tomatometer Within a Year

“We’re reaching a critical point in our history as a species,” said meteorologist Carol Anderson. “Between the Trump presidency, Israel committing genocide in Gaza, and that shitty new I Know What You Did Last Summer reboot, we need to do everything we can to reverse course and get the planet back on the right track. For the past twenty-five years, our Tomatometer score has been slowly dipping, but we’ve been hovering at a generous 60% for a while now – right above the critical ‘Rotten’ range. Recently, though, a bunch of fucking horrible things have been happening all at once, and that percentage score is rapidly declining as more and more critics weigh in.”