You're not going to believe this, but I was getting out of shower, slipped, and fell, and all of that stuff went right up my ass. I swear it was just a freak accident. Could have happened to anyone.
There's probably at least one person who genuinely slipped and fell and got something stuck in their butt, and I feel very sorry for them. It sucks when you're telling the truth but everybody thinks you're lying.
I don't know if that is a great descriptor for Guelph. Guelph is an answer to the question "what if you took all of the bad parts of Cambridge & Waterloo and make a city with that." Just gross.
27 Comments
AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 2y
Wait, the paramedics have to let you tell them about what you did?!
Well, I know somebody who is going to suffer a self-pleasure related injury this weekend and go into excruciating detail with the paramedics...
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
BiNonBi@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 15 pts · 2y
They'll just keep giving you shots of Ambien until you stop.
AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 2y
This is shaping up to be an awesome weekend!
remotelove@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 2y
Masturbating Ambien Zombies.
Now that is something you don't see every day.
AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y
Be the change you want to see in the world.
BiNonBi@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 2y
geekworking@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
They would more likely give you ketamine, the date rape drug. Wank is over immediately and you won't remember anything.
chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 2y
Having not done anything more serious than alcohol and weed, ketamine is a date rape drug? I thought it was just another kind of high...
googles
Hmm, yeah, I can see it used for that.
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee · 8 pts · 2y
You wouldn't be the first. Just don't start masturbating when you're in the back and we're kosher
AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2y
That's fair.
Can I at least finish masturbating in the back on the way to the hospital if I already started when you got here, though?
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee · 3 pts · 2y
As long as you follow rules 1 and 2 I think we can make an exception
geekworking@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 2y
You're not going to believe this, but I was getting out of shower, slipped, and fell, and all of that stuff went right up my ass. I swear it was just a freak accident. Could have happened to anyone.
LordAmplifier@pawb.social · 6 pts · 2y
There's probably at least one person who genuinely slipped and fell and got something stuck in their butt, and I feel very sorry for them. It sucks when you're telling the truth but everybody thinks you're lying.
germanatlas@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 2y
"I fell on it"
"I fell on it"
"I fell on it"
"I was bored"
Someboynumber5reborn@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2y
That's actually a pretty good rule to live by
MedicPigBabySaver@lemm.ee · 4 pts · 2y
I'm sure no one has ever lied to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anangrierterrarian@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 2y
Im sure that all the people that accidentally slipped and fell ass first on a cucumber that just so happens to have a condom on it werent lying at all
RickRussell_CA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2y
There goes my Tuesday nights.
MinusPi@pawb.social · 4 pts · 2y
So what you're saying is to be shameless
JizzmasterD@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 2y
Guelph is all I gotta say. Really just the perv-man’s Kitchener-Waterloo
Awkwardparticle@artemis.camp · 1 pts · 2y
I don't know if that is a great descriptor for Guelph. Guelph is an answer to the question "what if you took all of the bad parts of Cambridge & Waterloo and make a city with that." Just gross.
CetaceanNeeded@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
What if that's my fetish?
TheWoozy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
I wouldn't want to explain my dissertation to paramedics, so it's a good thing I never got that PhD.
violetraven@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 2y
Too late
uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 2y
In Chuck Palahniuk's Choke he explains why every ER has a diamond drill bit.
crossal@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
What's the title mean?
AngryAnusHornets@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2y
crossal@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2y
You mean "ule"? And why?🤔
BiNonBi@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 2y