She's always inviting them over without my consent even though they are maga, anti-vax, bible thumping morons, and knows I hate them.
We fought over it the last time and I relented because she cried and said she didn't want to kick them out of her life (like I would do to any maga). I agreed they could continue to visit since we live about 7 hours away and we don't see them that often.
But now we have our first newborn baby not even 4 months old and I worry about its health. We're in the middle of flu season and her sister's anti-vax family is driving over with 3 high school age kids. She did tell me they wanted to come months ago and I said no (due to aforementioned reasons). I hadn't heard anything since, until today when she said they were coming this weekend and she "forgot".
Obviously I'm pissed. AITAH?
6 Comments
partial_accumen@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 200d
Forget about flu. Do they have Whooping Cough and Measles vaccines? If not, I'd take the baby and get a hotel until they leave.
agingelderly@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 200d
I don't know about what they have or haven't vaccinated, just that they don't trust vaccines. But I wouldn't trust them enough to bother asking anyway. The in-laws already visited and after spending a few hours with us told us they were sick.
These are the type of people who believe if it happens, god meant it to happen so it's not their fault/no reason to be concerned.
Botanicals@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 200d
Honestly this is a tough situation and it's good you're speaking up for your kid. Successful partnership is about compromise on both sides and you may need to set a boundary about these visits. I suggest finding a time where you and your partner are calm and can have a candid conversation without intense emotions. If the conversation starts getting heated take a break and try again later. Pro tip: make sure both of y'all have eaten before any serious conversation! Our little is around 2 years now and at 3-4 months we were in the THICK of it. Hopefully yours is an easy one 🤞
When my own very similar situation happened I held firm about which vaccination to wait for (and wait period after for it to take effect) but I understood that my partner valued time with their family. So we told the family 1. No surprise visits and 2. Here are some dates we can work with. They weren't happy but frankly who gives a fuck lolol they'll be fine.
I'm not sure if this is your first child but either way babies are a LOT. IMO you're not the asshole for being worried about very valid concerns, buuuut none of the people reading this were there for your conversations so who actually knows. If you feel like you need some guidance on how to communicate with each other I would look up the gottman institute. If you add PDF to your search you can find some worksheets on therapy websites for free. If you can afford it consider a marriage counselor to mediate. Hope all this helps!
Dadifer@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 200d
INFO: There is real truth to the saying that you marry the family. That being said, all good relationships require boundaries. Is your wife MAGA? Would any of her family members that are sick be willing to wear a mask?
The real truth is that it is probably unreasonable to ask your wife to cut ties unless that was part of your initial agreement when you got married. It is not unreasonable, and actually important to have boundaries with each other and with her family. Being gentle in agreeing to those boundaries will make you less the asshole.
agingelderly@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 200d
She is not maga or I never would have dated her to begin with. And I am not trying to stop her from having family over, I e accepted that I have to deal with them from time to time, but anti-vax plus newborn is an issue to me. My kids life is worth more than her family's feelings.
Dadifer@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 200d
Highschool kids don't get sick as much as younger kids. I would get an agreement that whoever is sick will wear a mask.