MFW my boss calls to see if I can cover a shift, but I'm already to drunk to drive to get there.

That's been my response because it's HR iron clad.

"MyDarkestTimeline01, come in we had some call outs."

"I can't, I've had a few cocktails and I'm no good to drive."

"........it's 10 AM..."

"And it's my day off. Bye."

You're the coolest, Grandma B!