Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel

https://theonion.com/markets-surge-after-trump-claims-he-had-sex-with-an-angel/

152 points · 13 comments · view on lemmy.world

13 Comments

tal@lemmy.today · 15 pts · 153d (2 replies)

DUE TO TO THE TENOR AND DEPTH OF THIS FEMALE ANGEL’S LOVE MAKING

Um. Angels aren't normally considered to have gender.

searches

https://biblehub.com/q/do_angels_have_a_specific_gender.htm

While angels are frequently depicted using masculine pronouns and described as appearing in male form, Scripture does not teach that they possess gender in the human, biological sense.

EDIT: Ah, finished reading the article:

At press time, global markets had reportedly crashed to their lowest point this year after Trump posted a follow-up message stating that the angel he had sex with may have in fact been an alien.

MyVeryRealName@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 153d

So that's your problem?

dvoraqs@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 152d

The reference you listed makes it sound like angels can actually have a gender (as in a social identification as man and/or woman) but not a sex (as in male and/or female biology, presumable about having genitals).

TheTechnician27@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 153d (2 replies)

“I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS AN ANGEL HAS VISITED ME IN MY SLEEP AND I HAVE HAD VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE SEX WITH IT,”

Imagining Trump as one of the residents of Sodom wanting to rape the two angels is... traumatic.

orc_princess@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 152d

The "opposition" establishment: please Mr Trump don't rape the angels, take my daughters instead, they're virgins

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 153d

i mean he has made it clear that he will not honor the ancient laws of hospitality

auntieclokwise@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 153d (3 replies)

I mean we've known for awhile that Trump and Satan are a thing, thanks to South Park's documentary work. And, last I checked, Satan was an angel.

grranibal@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 153d (2 replies)

An archangel actually I believe

auntieclokwise@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 152d (1 reply)

Hadn't heard that. Wikipedia doesn't mention it. Wouldn't matter anyway because archangel is a subtype or rank of angel. I suppose technically, he's a fallen angel.

grranibal@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 152d

I don’t remember where I heard it, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was from a movie or tv show XD

So… source: my bad memory

ohulancutash@feddit.uk · 6 pts · 153d

Jeffrey’s Angels, the TV reboot no-one wants to see.

Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 153d

How old is Angel?

HarneyToker@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 152d

Can the Onion stop putting ideas into the old man’s head?