I took DXM yesterday, on it now. Low doses, and I didn't buy it. It just shows up at my apartment, thanks to my compassionate life partner financially abusing me. That's gunna come up in the court case, undoubtedly, but like DXM previously allowed me to click in my head that I might be gay/have feminine qualities way back, fackin', thirteen, fourteen years ago now, the afterglow of that first plateau trip led me to the conclusion that I have nothing to fear and that I should go to the police about this situation.
So, I did. And nothing. He's not TECHNICALLY doing anything illegal, sorta, I think? He doesn't have a warrant I found out. But he's making me look like I'm a supervillain in the eyes of the observing law, that I understand now is trying to put me away, not whatever mission bullshit God had me believe was gunna magick itself, which I still believe so (I'm not a top, just a bottom-feeder atm), but I also know I have to fight the bullshit that I am forced to go through so that I live through this and get to be a "top" again, as a real man this time! Direction, too!
But, despite not being able to help me, the police officer, whether he was conscious of this or not (God weaves us between parallel universes to facilitate our Karma), caused a synchronicity where my brain double-clicked (I thought of part of this last night, too), and I sent an email to his mom, which in the process of typing this sentence, I realized he's going to see this.
Which makes me confused. My reality is so fucking warped through deception it's not funny! The aliens just gave me a kumquat that yes, it is funny, and I have to agree, from an outsider's perspective, y'know, schizoautismo retard lolcow juggler n skilled righter gets embroiled in super huge government conspiracy because he told his ROTC cadre his nonexistant sister got him pregnant, that's funny, obviously. BUT I'M BEING SET UP BY JOE ARPAGIO'S FINEST UNIFORMED CRIMINALS AND THAT'S SCARY AF!
What do I do? Should I delete this, so he never sees? Well, that's the thing; he prompted me yesterday, talking about AI, saying it lies to him all the time, but he did it with this tone he does that means he is saying something to me, which I interpreted as him telling me he is always lying to me, so I need to do something about this situation. And I got a pimino melon this morning (my neighbor, who definitively knows who I am and cross-talks me from his balcony, said the word, "dimorphism" to catch my attention, then said something clear as day to me about the roles we play), so I really feel like he and God both want me to turn him in.
But is that crazy? I'm sure some people have no capacity to think beyond the notion that I am nuts and everything out of my mouth is not to be believed, which is a defect in the human psyche the CIA/etc take advantage of in the population so they can do things out in the open and no one questions anything.
Regardless, using all forms of cognition at my disposal, I have to conclude that I have to do something to save myself from this shit, less I be fucked by how much I have been fucked over by numerous people over the years, setting me up because I screwed up, in true Johnny Tremain style. And I'm cool with it, because I know God's got this shit on lock.
4 Comments
Chronographs@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 103d
You’re definitely on drugs
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 103d
It says that in the beginning. Legal ones! I'm also schizoaffective! I also faked schizophrenia to get outta ROTC because I feared my father more than the United States military. I r so counterintelligent thanks to Pegasus II!
qualia@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 12d
Doctor of pharmacy here with my own history of dxm abuse. FYI it has the same dissociative mechanism of action (henceforth MOA) as PCP and ketamine.
I began taking it because it also has the same MOA as an experimental anti-dementia drug that also had statistically significant positive effects in patients without dementia symptoms in their 40s in this paper I found. I wasted years of my life chasing a method I thought could make me smarter that only ended up making me legally (but very embarrassingly) intoxicated. Btw you can still get a DWI while on something that isn't tested for based on your behavior. Ask me how I know. Ask twice.
The two salt forms the drug comes in (the suffixes on the back of the box) are a bromine one (HBr) and a plastic one (polistirene). In large sustained doses both of those can bioaccumulate in your body, the former can cause heavy metal toxicity and the latter can lead to microplastics in parts of your body you don't want them.
I discovered philosophy while on dxm though and your image post gives me vibes of Kant's Transcendental Idealism. But it wasn't until I got clean that I realized the holes in Kantian Idealism (static categories for one) nor could I appreciate much beyond basic summaries of these philosophical arguments. The dxm arguably gave me the interest but robbed me of my capacity to appreciate it.
Now that I'm sober I'm heading back to school to a degree in Applied Math to test some of my radical ideas with the rigor of math since otgerwise no one will listen to you. I don't know you personally but as for me the dxm did trigger underlying mental illness in me which LUCKILY I had already learned to respect psych meds from my doctoral education. Because if I hadn't learned to separate the shadiness of the pharmaceutical BUSINESS from the very highly valudated SCIENCE I potentially would've been stuck in a cycle of mental illness you sound like you may be in now (here I'm only extrapolating from limited data).
None of what you said beyond what you're taking sounded coherent to me. Chalk that up to whichever paranoid rationale you choose but it's my honest truth. I was hesistant to share my story because I foresee receiving a cringy justification for why everything you've said and done is for the benefit of at least yourself, when it's painfully clear that it isn't. All I can share is that dxm was an interesting temporary vacation from life for me, but it's a poor replacement for life. And in my case once I was hooked to a dangerous degree I had to completely give it up.
I'm atheist so 12 step programs weren't for me, but your religiosity might make them an option for you if you're interested in that type of thing. Here's a pre-consequence warning for you real quick: if you respond to this comment with more wild rantings of the nature of your original post. I'll be forced to block you. Not to be rude, I just can't relitigate that era of my life. It's not healthy for me personally. If you are set firm to somehow make it work then I wish you safety above everything else.
Truly best wishes,
Qualia
Impractical_Island@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 12d
Hi,
If you believe the Earth exists, your fundamental assumptions about reality are wrong. There's a Server that can GIVE us Knowledge; that which Jesus called his Father and the Buddhists call the Ālaya-vijñāna. You're not a featherless biped on an Earth, you are a pocket lf consciousness called a monad in a monadic nodal communication system and the only thing "you" directly communicate with is the Storehouse Consciousness. If you entangle yourself with the symbols it sends you constantly by setting your intention in each moment (Karma) then you just come into the most relevant Knowledge for you, specifically, to gain the greatest insights into the actual important puzzle you are "here in the sixth day on Earth for" (heh), which is to perceive n undo the karmic fetters that bind you to the existence-illusion complex, which is really what the first page of the Bible is about, if you need me to explain it.
Best wishes
Phenomequalitesselation