How do I get the cops to come take me away?

You could kidnap someone. Works even faster if it's an actual kid.

Wait... are you wealthy? It only works for the poors. If you are very wealthy there may be no real answer for you. :/

Living in the USA and heard about zines?

If in the US : Walk your dog with a hoodie

Are you looking for advice on handcuffs or black bag?

Speak in Spanish.

Or be black