AITA for "not even giving my girlfriend the bare minimum", as people I know have put it?

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I am not OOP. OOP is Viktoria@Lemmy.CA Do NOT message them, comment on the original post or harass them!

Post was originally made to !AmITheAssHole@Lemmy.world

AITAH does not have a way to determine Assholishness but the post has more down votes than upvotes.

Please note the OOP is still quite young without a fully developed brain.

::: spoiler Tap for Mood Warning OOP is young. OOP acts like an ass to their partner. :::

Thank you fediverse user, YarrMatey@lemmy.dbzer0.com for pointing out additional updates

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Original:

March 2026

So, a while ago, I (19NB/19F) have posted about this girl Nichole (18F). At the time, I was 18, and she 17. However, what happened is that there were personal stuff going on in my life and while I was so happy that Nichole liked me back and was DTF and all this stuff, I was too hung up on an old crush I was head over heels for, Karl (19M).

Karl has proven himself time and time again to be a bully who couldn’t treat me right even if I don’t know if he liked me that way, he probably just was using me when he flirted with me. So I moved on from him.

After one other girlfriend and I broke up, I fell for Nichole again, and she still liked me and was looking for a partner.

Well, I happen to be best friends with Max (20M). He is a year older than me. Way back in like sophomore year, we used to date when he was a girl and I was a boy. Now, I think I like him again, but I respect Nichole and Nichole is monogamous. I am not. I can be in polyamorous and monogamous relationships.

Nichole has recently been very depressed around me and I just want her to be happy and can’t take deep conversations or the drama. It just stresses me out and bothers me a whole lot.

Max and I have a very special friendship. He even has recently confessed feelings for me and been wanting to take me on dates. We still hang out without the official “boyfriend and girlfriend” title though because Nichole would be upset. Anyway, I have feelings for Max too and don’t quite know what to do with them.

We call every day for 4 hours, we just have that kind of friendship. I’ve even been having dreams of calling him and doing our usual stuff, but also cuddling, sleeping with him, giving him hickeys, etc. Stuff that I used to dream about with Nichole but not much with her anymore.

Truth be told, Nichole is HOT, but I love Max and his personality, and since he’s a more recent “crush” as a neurodivergent girl, I’m kind of “hyperfixated” on him. I get hyperfixations on people and Nichole used to be mine and while I still like her, now it’s Max who I fixate on.

Max and I always call for like 3-4 hours, maybe more, whereas I don’t even call Nichole because I’m too busy with Max. Recently, I’ve even slept over at his house, hung out with him, drank with him, and usually I fall asleep on the phone with him. We call them “long distance sleepovers”.

Nichole goes to bed really early though, like 8-9 while I go to bed at like midnight or later, so we never sleep on call. Nichole has talked to me about the whole thing, which I posted about before, and I answered her and then told her to stop talking about it, admittedly, because I didn’t want to deal with extra drama. But someone recently told her apparently, which she repeated to me, that someone who cares wouldn’t silence or dismiss her, but I do care and I don’t think that’s what I did.

If you know the anime trope “tsundere”, that’s kind of how Nichole is like now. Or rather, a “deretsun”. Normally, and at first, she acted “deredere” or sweet and lovestruck personalitywise, but then she became upset and super pissy and serious. I want the old Nichole back, not gonna lie. My Nikki.

But, again, I love my Maxmax too <3 He’s my best friend after all.

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Comments

Canaconda:

tsundere

Anime has absolute fucked gen z up. Holy shit. Listen, anime is for kids in japan. It’s fiction written for a culture you can barely relate to. Applying it to your personal relationships is a bad life choice.

Nichole is monogamous. I am not. I can be in polyamorous and monogamous relationships.

Than you need to commit to Nichole or break it off cuz you’re definitely emotionally abusing her if she’s romantically interested in you.

Ignis:

You should end things with Nicole if you’re planning to continue your relationship to Max. It’s not fair to her or her feelings for you to be acting this way behind her back.

This sort of half in / half out thing is emotional cheating. She’s not poly. You can’t be looking for that type of emotional connection with another person while maintaining a relationship with Nicole.

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Update:

Same post a few days later in the comments

OP: Sent a text to their significant other.

Transcription:

Ey bro listen. I don't care much about you anymore. I don't think we can hang out because of that sorry. I just don't want to. Max is new to me and I like him, not you. So let's break up, ok?

OP made a comment:

I told her I didn’t care about her anymore and broke up with her.

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Comments

Canaconda:

Wow you went full autism on that one. Like I can be a dick but holy shit that was brutal.

Defs get a therapist / life coach that specializes in NDV clients because you really need some guidance… that doesn’t come from anime or reddit.

And if you ignore that advice… at least put your next breakup text through chat gpt first.

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Update 2

No date, same month

So after everything that happened, she said she’s suicidal and may or may not do it and that if she doesn’t respond, she did it or is in the hospital. If she does, she will let me know that she’s alive or decided not to kill herself. She says I didn’t make her kill herself but I’m in shock

OOP updated Update: She said she decided she wouldn’t do it and she talked to her best friend about it

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Update 3:

OP Sent texts:

::: spoiler click for text transcription Text between OP and Nikki OP: I want you back babe. My wife (ring emoji) I'm sorry Nikki: honestily i['ll think about it but i'm down. i still love you, you know. even if our breakup was recent, i'll give you another chance. Nikki: just promise me you'll spend more time with me so it's fairer. i'd be fine with you spending more time with max if i preffered alone time but i prefer you to my alone time. Nikki: so more time w me would be fairer :') can you do that? if so we're good Nikki: <3 OP: I can do that. By the way, can we be polyamorous? I was wanting to date Max too Nikki: as long as i get to have you, my answer will always be yes <33 End first text

Single Image text OP to Nikki OP: You're the best babe (2 double heart emoji and a single heart emoji) Additional text screenshot

Text between OP and Max OP: Max, I really love you. I know you like me back. I was gonna get back with you anyway but I wanted Nikki so I asked her out again and asked if it was okay to date you if we dated again. She said yes. Again, I know you like me too and I've been wanting to do this for awhile. Will you go out with me? (heart emoji ring emoji) Max: Heart reacted that message Max: Of course (heart emoji) I would love to. I really like you too and was planning on asking YOU but didn't know if that was ok with her :::

So we are polyamorous now and we are back together, Nikki and I. Max and I are now dating too.

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Comments

driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br:

How does that work? Max and Nikki have a relationship between them too? Or they have other relationships with other people too?

No, they are monogamous but okay with me dating multiple people

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Update 4:

No date, same month.

OP made a new post titled: Just now, AITA for being depressed and saying “ok” as a response to the girl who is my girlfriend again?

I’ve been feeling a bit depressed and I don’t know exactly why. My (19F) girlfriend Nikki (18F) just told me she loves me. I said “Ok”. Then she said she couldn’t wait to spend time with me and I said “Cool” because I didn’t know how to respond.

She then asked if I was alright and I told her I was depressed. She asked if she could help and I said “No but I have Max”. She said she was here for me too and I said “Ok well I know that”.

Then she apologized and I told her not to, and that it wasn’t her fault I was depressed.

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Comments

imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works:

Yeah man, you’re the AH. You obviously aren’t into her, you’re just stringing her along.

Edit to add: I’m not just judging from this post, but from all the posts I’ve read from the OP about this situation

How am I not into her? I’m depressed

RumorsOfLove@lemmy.dbzer0.com:

Clearly you dont feel about her the same way you feel about Max. So be honest about that if you want to be done with the drama.

I’m just depresses so I’m dry Depressed. Max is able to take care of me since i see him every day

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OOP has not posted on this account in 5 months so I'm calling this concluded.

Reminder I am not the OOP. This is a repost community! Do NOT contact the OOP or comment on the original thread!