Case Number 80081: toebeans

Your Honor, I regret to inform the court that we have another case.

The accused is @toebeans@thelemmy.club, a name I already find deeply troubling. I dislike toes. I love beans. Combining the two feels less like a username and more like a threat.

This may be personally aimed at me, and everyone knows that you should never, ever aim a toe at anyone unless you're prepared to use it.

I will not burden the court with exact mathematics because the Trauma Math Department has gone home for the evening, but it does indeed come out to 9 votes in one day.

Nine is the most dangerous number because upside down it becomes a six. Which makes me think of 69. Which makes me think of what if I did the 69 position with Professor Craine, my grossly overweight teacher from college back in 1957. And that reminds me of grilled cheese sandwiches, which I love.

But now I hate them.

This is causing me much, much grief, Your Honor.

Toes. Beans. Grilled cheese sandwiches. I may have to fast after this.

What really matters is that the arrows appeared with enough regularity for me to become suspicious, wounded, and briefly interested in constitutional law.

I therefore submit Exhibit A: https://lemvotes.org/user/toebeans@thelemmy.club

Exhibit B: the name “toebeans.”

Exhibit C: my longstanding and legally relevant opposition to toes.

The people, once again meaning me, request immediate acknowledgment, a full investigation, and perhaps some sort of bean-related compensation.

We should also decide whether toes can legally own beans.