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Today, I seemingly went completely insane.

I hung out with a friend (weird), and spent a lot of time doing that (weirder), and then went to the pool (unthinkable) IN THE POURING RAIN (unbelievable) and then drove her home (impossible). For anyone that knows me, this is a truly absurd turn of events.

That being said, it was very enjoyable. I really do like spending time with my friend. I will say, though, that it got a bit too flirty for comfort. Maybe I was imagining things and letting my wayward heart cloud my mind, but I did feel flirted with. I realise that I do sound and maybe act a little flirty sometimes, because I make it a point of being honest and open with my appreciation and ideas, so I can be a bit forward with my declarations of affection. They aren't romantic in nature, but they do sound affectionate, because they are, and they sound appreciative, because they are, but some people may take it romantically, because that sort of forward pitch tends to be reserved for that sort of intention. I guess. I have about as much experience in this as a landlubber on the high sea.

It was little things, and maybe she's just giving back what I'm putting in, but it was a little... Maybe a little too close for comfort, I guess. The way she looked at me and some small things she said, it was just a little too close.

I have no intentions with her! At all. I'm sure she knows this, as I have made it clear I have no intentions with anyone! Then again, I do fear she's trying to read deeper into what I say than what I'm actually saying... I have talked about how I'm feeling some pressure to get a girlfriend and such... I did say I don't want to get one, but I fear she might be taking a hint that isn't there.

Then again, she's monstrously out of my league and I know for a fact she finds me generally unattractive. Not abhorrent by any means and definitely pleasant and fun to be around, she's told me as much, but I'm also pretty sure she is not thinking of me that way at all. At least, I was perfectly sure of that before today, and now a small seed of doubt has settled in.

Ultimately, I find the notion that we could ever get together ridiculous. We're compatible enough to be friends that speak occasionally and hang out and have fun doing silly things and talking, but that's really about it. Frankly, I'd like to keep it that way. I would feel so, so, so terribly silly if it turns out there was something more to her lovely words and mellow eyes than an illusion of a tired mind. I would feel terrible if I broke her heart. Also, I'd feel just... Silly really might be the best word... She's on a level that it almost feels blasphemous to reject her advances, were she to make any.

I do think I'm probably imagining things and overreacting. She was probably just being nice and a little tired. This makes sense to me, and it would be best if that was the case. I'll act as if it was the case, and if my idea of reality keeps matching up with the actual, then I likely thought right. For example, she was nice and kind when I dropped her off, but she didn't do anything even remotely weird or flirty or anything! She was just normal and nice. This perfectly matches up with what I would expect her to do if she sees me as a good friend, and not quite with what I might expect if she wanted something more, so I think she just sees me as a friend. I'll keep tabs on this, but yeah.

I wore jeans.