I've got the shittiest... er most diverse... lawn on the block

"The cobbler's children go barefoot"

One of my favorite sayings.

I have a friend who is a chef at an extremely fancy restaurant. He eats almost exclusively cheap microwave dinners at home.

I cultivate plants in a commercial greenhouse all day every day. And most years I also have a lush vegetable garden.

...I've managed to kill every single house plant I've ever owned

When something is your job, you usually don't want to keep doing it when you get home.