Collapsing Vice Media assures devastated journalists that upper level management will be fine

Vice Media began informing journalists today that they’ve been laid off as the struggling company pivots away from producing news in favour of a business model in which investors pay managers to produce no news.

“We know this is a tough time, people are worried about their own careers and the future of journalism in general and I want to promise everyone that I personally will be absolutely fine,” C.E.O. Bruce Dixon said in a form letter attached to the layoff notices.

At this point the onion should publish an article saying from now on they will only be publishing straight factual news articles. Whether that article itself was satire or not, no one can really tell the difference anymore.

At press time, Vice Media announced that they were an AI company now too, because why not?

This is so spot on. Reminds me of how Wendy's announced they were moving forward with AI based menu changes, whatever the fuck that means.

Damn