Catholic 'media ministry' defrocks AWOL AI priest after it told faithful you can baptise babies in Gatorade and that, sure, it can totally perform your wedding

Come to think of it, it’s a bit surprising that a more woman-centric sect of Christianity hasn’t risen to any level of prominence in the US. I suppose it’s easier to transition into agnosticism or atheism than to form a belief system, but its absence is still surprising in the modern era. Or is it as simple as demographic shifts and the absence of power during relevant periods? Religion is gradually waning in most of the west, after all. The patriarchy potentially stole The Mome from us, and that’s kinda lame tbh.

but women (who are human beings)

Is that actually the church’s stance? Like, has the pope ever said this?

You're forgetting child raping pedos in that list, right below the gross sexual habbits. I'd say that one deserves its own category

Father Justin, will you trade my 25 Diplomatic Favour for 20 horses please?

Lol, it does have that vibe

You don't know that, he could've sent some kids AI generated nudes.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Douglas Adams, 1987, in case anyone was wondering.

It has made my day that this Taco Bell Wedding exists and that it is $50,000/hour for 25 guests and all you get is Flora Pop.

It's not just any water, it's holy water. If a priest has cast Ceremony to create the holy water on whatever, sure. But why when you probably have liquid water tk hand? God might wonder if it's very sincere if you're just basically doing it for a laugh. Might take away your spell slots.

is there actually any rule against using gatorade for a baptism?

It's better, cuz it's got electrolytes.

Does it even have to be liquid water?

So like, ice X at 60 gigapascals and -120 °C?

@Sterile_Technique
Not catholic, so I don't know their official position, but as I understand, in extreme circumstances any liquid will do.
Part of it involves the idea of "washing", or "being washed", so solid water or water in solids would not count. And also the idea of purification, but many use dirty river water.

There was a picture going around during the pandemic of a religious leader performing a baptism with a super soaker. So, at least in some Christian denominations, that's totally cool. And if Gatorade is okay...

Can you baptize people with a supersoaker full of piss?

To answer your first question, AWOL is also used colloquially to describe people wildly or destructively ignoring the responsibilities of their job. So it'd be an apt descriptor if it was talking about a REAL priest but in this case it's just flowery wording (presumably for alliteration)

I think the writer meant to say 'gone rogue' instead of 'AWOL'. Just poor writing skills.

True, although I'm guessing "you can't baptize someone in Gatorade' would be something virtually all Christians would think.

Catholic^TM^ brand Holy Baptizer 2000 brought to you by BRAWNDO! (The Thirst Mutilator!)

My denomination only uses riptide rush and we will bomb your fucking church over this

If Arctic Blitz isn't one of them, there will be a backlash that makes Vatican II look like a mild disagreement.

Church of Glacier Cherry rise up!

Why would you draw the line at the best flavor?

Can still groom them online. Don't give them any ideas.