Hey everyone. I suppose I can be the first post in this community haha I am/have been frustrated with online dating and, supposedly, it only gets harder in your 30s. What are some general pieces of advice that I could take since I am 29 and on the cusp of joining this age-bracket? I have had some short-term relationships and have dated a lot since 2017 or so, but I don't feel like I'm much closer to finding any long-term success. I could answer more questions about myself if need be. Any and all questions or comments are welcome. You have all been pretty chill on lemmy.world.
6 Comments
chaos@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 3y
Hey, you don't mention any details about your gender or sexuality so I think it's kinda hard to get advice really tailored to you. I'm a cishet man in my mid 30s, and if you are too, I'd tell you that you have nothing to worry about. Dating in my 30s was so much better than my 20s, even with the decline in dating app quality. If you're a cishet woman I don't have advice other than I know you might feel the pressure of a clock ticking and feel like your options are shrinking, but there are definitely still good quality men out there who will be interested, no matter how many garbage opinions you might encounter before you find one. And if you're neither of the above I am sorry but I don't have enough personal experience to give advice; I know you're dating in a smaller pool but I would guess that the ones you find are much more likely to relate to you and your values. So good luck no matter who you are!
KayMan17@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3y
haha I forgot no one can see my picture! I'm a cis man; I'm straight; I love movies, food, reading, philosophy, history. I'm in education. I'm struggling to be in a full-time position and I don't drink, smoke, or do any kind of drugs. I'm fairly reserved but everyone has always told me that I'm chill, nice, and smart.
Uncandy1@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3y
I didn't find my wife until I was in my 30s and the best thing I can tell you is to just enjoy your life and do things that make you happy. You're more likely to find someone special also doing the same activities. I spent so much time worrying about what I didn't have that I forgot about myself.
KayMan17@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 3y
Thank man, I really appreciate the comment. I'm really just shocked that, through trial and error, I don't just happen to meet someone that, you know, will date for 6 months?
lautan@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 2y
Which city are you in? Trying to join social in-person activities like cooking classes, sports, etc.
UnequalExchange@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 7d
there's no such thing as 'long-term success' when it comes to dating or any type of human-human relationships. even though relationships and physical intimacy are human needs nobody is entitled to a relationship in this world weve built here. dating and friendships are very random. You could have a ''perfect' relationship with someonne with many decades only to discover they were secretly cheating on yoyu for decades too . Or you can only know someone for a few years and yet find it impossible to live without them because of how loyal, fit, wholesome and kind they are. You can be the kindest most beautiful person and almost everyone you meet may treat you as a if you belong in solitary confinement. Or you can be more evil than Sh1tler and everyone will carry portraits of you and will want to marry you on sight. Its all feels experimental and random to be honest but this is because humans are a very random species -we are not always a logical species and we can bbe very random at times clearly.
So you have to experimment with where you go to meet people to date and with who you date and even with why you want to date or even if you want to date. There are many people out there who will claim that they know what they are looking for in a partner but the truth is they dont want to date. So if youre into working out maybe the right person is for you at a park where they are ALSO working out . Or if youre onto the EDM rave vibe maybe your perfect person is at a rave . Or maybe thwyre on a kink website if youre also into that stuff (if youre a straight guy? Id actually recommend avoiding online dating like a plague unless you have no other choices. Studies continue to show that straight guys who use online dating outhumber the women byy like 5 to 1 so youre just wasting your time there since a straight lady there has like 4 or more other and better options to pick over you) Basically become more extraversive and go outside or put yourself out there more and do what you enjoy outside or seek a group that also enjoys that thing . I got this advice from this article : https://nuancepill.substack.com/p/just-be-confident-bro-the-extraversion-pill though you should noote that the author of the article makes the mistake of not telling the readers to become more GENUINELY extraversive. Faking it till you make it probably isnt a good idea because why connect with someone while being fake? Being in a relationship , wether platonic or romantic, is about neing genuinely vulnerable with someone else.
Also yyou said youre a straight man and let it be known that as a straight man YOU are the one who must and is expected to initiate , rarely will this ever occur the other way around.
(I will note that I have only ever been on one date in my life and it ended with the person randomly ghosting me lol. I asl people out all the te but I get rejected the same way I breathe air. So if youree using my advice for dating advice you may want to consider other sources too lol. And yes I am 30)