Got no kids?

This is horribly inappropriate and could traumatize someone. I might try this.

You talk like I could afford a house in this economy, let alone two stories.

Babysitter: Briefly saw the girl on the staircase. A little shy but seemed nice.

You would also need.. a childs room with furniture, baby pictures, baby clothes and so on.

This is a possble prank to pull off but you need to place clues that indicates you have a child.

Chaotic evil

Gotta have a room that looks like a kid's room though