Always wanted to start a cult

326 points · 32 comments · view on lemmy.world

32 Comments

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 1y (9 replies)

dibs on black sheep niece you never see or talk about except in hushed tones to whisper that she might be worshiping satan (hint, i am not worshiping satan, i am cooking pasta)

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 12 pts · 1y

But WE are worshipping Satan.

outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 1y (7 replies)

Ill fight you for that role. Ill fight you, and ruin thanksgiving.

And post links to my deviantart page on facebook events for winter solstice.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y (6 replies)

It's more fun for me, a big hairy middle aged balding guy, to be the teenage niece though

outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 1y (5 replies)

Shit, you're right. But i was thrown out for being queer as a teen, so never really got to be the teen niece. I've got the whole tragic fucked up thing going, and my dumpster fire burns with the heat of a million dying stars.

So if we're going rule of funny, it's you. Rule of drama, it's me.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1y (4 replies)

this is true. we can have two nieces. i say we don't tell anyone and wear the same clothes, and never be in the same room at the same time.

ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one · 4 pts · 1y (3 replies)

Hey niece, I like your new look. Glad to see you rocking the big, hairy middle age guy look. Really digging then balding. What made you decide this new look?

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y (2 replies)

myspace

ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one · 2 pts · 1y

Fiddles with their glasses

Myspace? Is that some sort of hangout for the youth of today?

BroBot9000@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 1y (3 replies)

Last sentence is a red flag

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 12 pts · 1y (1 reply)

Can we negotiate? How does 70% sound?

gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 1y

The Old Ones will brook no compromise with these infantile new-age deities.

ColdSideOfYourPillow@piefed.social · 6 pts · 1y

“God” refers to the Satanic Demon summoned by a blood ritual including animal sacrifice. The family worships him.

Kowowow@lemmy.ca · 12 pts · 1y (6 replies)

Will be uncle

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 17 pts · 1y (5 replies)

I'm sorry, applications for uncles closed last week. You may apply for sister next week.

Kowowow@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 1y (3 replies)

Bad offer you have no honor

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 1y (2 replies)

How dare you accuse me of lack of honor

Only one way to settle this....

Kowowow@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 1y (1 reply)

Family fued?

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 1y

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY PUNCHLINE.

NOW WHO HAS NO HONOR

Fabian@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 1y

What about great-uncle?

dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 1y

Niko, cousin! Let's go bowling!

bacon_pdp@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 1y (1 reply)
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SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 1y

I already dibbed on grandma all night long

socsa@piefed.social · 4 pts · 1y

What if we kiss in the shallow end of the gene pool 😰👉👈

ouRKaoS@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 1y

Can I be that guy from down the street that seems cool but no one talks to him or knows his name?

YourMomsTrashman@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1y

Can I be house cat. meow mreow meow mrrrp

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 2 pts · 1y (1 reply)

I mean, if you believe in the Bible, everyone on the planet is related. 🤷🏻‍♂️

MintyFresh@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y

Believe it biach, were all cousins, on our mamas side

Wilco@lemm.ee · 2 pts · 1y

I call dibs on being "Cousin Johnny" I will only attend baptisms, weddings, funerals, and maybe the social events afterwards.

SVcross@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1y

Can I be the cousin that is never present, unless there's an emergency?

ryedaft@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 1y (1 reply)

But cult so kissing cousins? Right?

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 1y

That was the case pre cult too