Nah, gotta spice it up a bit more with some fancy bullshit wording.
1997-1998: Started existence and gained motor functioning skills.
1998-2001: Increased fine motor skills and started learning a language.
2002-2014: Pursued Higher education to learn how to be most beneficial to the workforce.
2015: Became an Executive Financial Handler. Job included bridging the gap between Customers and Company to achieve mutual benefit.
2015: After mastering financial connections, began learning the finer arts of Bread and Pastery development to bring joy to the local orphanages.
2015-2019: Was contracted into the private sector to perform highly confidential work. Unfortunately, details cannot be shared.
2020: Ready to start a new career for a great company using all previously mastered skills. The diversity of knowledge makes for an extremely valuable team member.
13 Comments
giantfloppycock@lemm.ee · 44 pts · 2y
TWO previous jobs? How the hell am I supposed to compete with applicants like this?
ivanafterall@kbin.social · 7 pts · 2y
You build up to it. You don't step on a basketball court for the first time and expect to go toe-to-toe with Michael Jordan.
Th4tGuyII@kbin.social · 2 pts · 2y
Two jobs in the same year as well!
We're out of our depth with this downright mythological figure!
aeternum@kbin.social · 1 pts · 2y
appropriate username?
oo1@kbin.social · 1 pts · 2y
hmmn, would it really have been that hard for him to get a job in pr0n?
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 2y
The funny thing is that the AI the company uses to sort resumes decided this was by far the best candidate due to length of experience.
Sentinian@lemmy.one · 14 pts · 2y
Bro spent 12 years as a kid, thats a good long time to hold a job. Based AI
WtfEvenIsExistence@reddthat.com · 22 pts · 2y
Alex_Denton@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 2y
Ah, shit, man. You're direct, you're no-nonsense. How am I supposed to compete with that?
Bread@sh.itjust.works · 18 pts · 2y
Nah, gotta spice it up a bit more with some fancy bullshit wording.
1997-1998: Started existence and gained motor functioning skills.
1998-2001: Increased fine motor skills and started learning a language.
2002-2014: Pursued Higher education to learn how to be most beneficial to the workforce.
2015: Became an Executive Financial Handler. Job included bridging the gap between Customers and Company to achieve mutual benefit.
2015: After mastering financial connections, began learning the finer arts of Bread and Pastery development to bring joy to the local orphanages.
2015-2019: Was contracted into the private sector to perform highly confidential work. Unfortunately, details cannot be shared.
2020: Ready to start a new career for a great company using all previously mastered skills. The diversity of knowledge makes for an extremely valuable team member.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 2y
I would describe this aesthetic as effortless
Th4tGuyII@kbin.social · 11 pts · 2y
Listing your childhood as a job??
It's so simple, why did nobody think of this before!?
Such a megamind is beyond our understanding
tiredofsametab@kbin.social · 9 pts · 2y
Hrm. "Resume" is clear enough, but I don't see a "stop" or "pause" anywhere before it.
binboupan@lemm.ee · 6 pts · 2y
2023: I am still here 🥹
cryomancer20x6@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 2y