My favorite culinary volcanic Armageddon that I did to myself was ....
Having a milkshake at about noon, then an afternoon lunch of German sausage with sauerkraut, a variety of pickles and potato salad. In was a backyard party so I drank lots of fizzy pop.
Then in the evening I was feeling snackish so I made myself a plate of nachos with cheese and jalapeños and served with hot sauce, sour cream and guacamole sauce. Again I drank more fizzy pop.
It was all great until about 9pm that night ..... my bowels felt like a hot air balloon being prepped for flight, my stomach felt distended, I was farting constantly and I wanted to throw up. I lay down almost in tears like a baby and I was embarrassed.
My wife scolded me and told me that this would happen but I didn't listen. I felt stupid and just before I called the hospital, everything calmed down and I felt like I had come back from the dead.
I'm tempting fate again tonight because my wife wanted a little bit of hot chocolate milk .... she wanted a tiny cup of the stuff and I made too much and now I got stuck with drinking two mugs of hot chocolate. Nothing better than being lactose intolerant and drinking heated milk. It's my wife's fault she has to deal with the toxic fallout.
One of the more disturbing things that I got from this thread is in looking up 'releasing trapped gas in cows' ... some great videos out there of vets doing the work .... I just wouldn't want to be around it to experience the smell.
If you've ever felt bloated by gas, especially being lactose intolerant ... just be happy you aren't a cow.
A lot of cheese doesn’t have lactose in it. You can ask your local pizza place to check the nutritional information on their cheese. If it has 0 grams of sugar (lactose is a sugar) then it is generally safe for a lactose intolerant person to eat.
Likewise, heavy cream or heavy whipping cream usually has zero sugar and you can add it to your coffee.
I'm indigenous so I'm lactose intolerant .... but you build a tolerance to it all little by little over time. About ten years ago I got it that I could drink a huge milkshake (triple chocolate for those wondering ... chocolate milk, chocolate ice cream, chocolate sauce with a good shot of vanilla .... it was like dessert crack). I drank regularly all summer and by the fall, I had gained ten pounds and didn't notice the discomfort anymore.
Stopped for the winter and went to do it again the next spring and I felt like my insides wanted to become my outsides. I had to slowly build my tolerance again little by little.
Also good for when you are not, in fact, lactose-intolerant, but prefer to shit like a sheep. You might get light-headed, though, as a side effect.
... or so I was told.
I have to be very careful around fried food outside the home because of cross contamination. I ate two pieces of fried sushi tonight. Not dead yet, but I feel you.
35 Comments
omgboom@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 13 pts · 350d
This meme but with heartburn
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 350d
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com · 12 pts · 350d
Me ordering nachos despite being corn intolerant.
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 350d
We honor your brave sacrifice.
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca · 9 pts · 350d
My favorite culinary volcanic Armageddon that I did to myself was ....
Having a milkshake at about noon, then an afternoon lunch of German sausage with sauerkraut, a variety of pickles and potato salad. In was a backyard party so I drank lots of fizzy pop.
Then in the evening I was feeling snackish so I made myself a plate of nachos with cheese and jalapeños and served with hot sauce, sour cream and guacamole sauce. Again I drank more fizzy pop.
It was all great until about 9pm that night ..... my bowels felt like a hot air balloon being prepped for flight, my stomach felt distended, I was farting constantly and I wanted to throw up. I lay down almost in tears like a baby and I was embarrassed.
My wife scolded me and told me that this would happen but I didn't listen. I felt stupid and just before I called the hospital, everything calmed down and I felt like I had come back from the dead.
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com · 6 pts · 350d
If there were a god you would have seen its face that day.
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 350d
I'm tempting fate again tonight because my wife wanted a little bit of hot chocolate milk .... she wanted a tiny cup of the stuff and I made too much and now I got stuck with drinking two mugs of hot chocolate. Nothing better than being lactose intolerant and drinking heated milk. It's my wife's fault she has to deal with the toxic fallout.
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 350d
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 350d
lol ... no worries we're doing fine now
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 350d
Glad you're safe, but I can never not see this when faced with those masks:
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 350d
One of the more disturbing things that I got from this thread is in looking up 'releasing trapped gas in cows' ... some great videos out there of vets doing the work .... I just wouldn't want to be around it to experience the smell.
If you've ever felt bloated by gas, especially being lactose intolerant ... just be happy you aren't a cow.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 350d
Oof. Trapped gas can get intensely painful. Glad you got through it okay.
sundray@lemmus.org · 9 pts · 350d
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 350d
So I can't put cream cheese on my hasperat now?! It helps balance the spice. Fuck it, I'm eating some anyway.
[Soon after]
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 350d
Just because i shouldn't, doesn't mean i won't.
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 350d
Blackmist@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 350d
Not really a lot of lactose in cheese iirc.
TRBoom@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 350d
A lot of cheese doesn’t have lactose in it. You can ask your local pizza place to check the nutritional information on their cheese. If it has 0 grams of sugar (lactose is a sugar) then it is generally safe for a lactose intolerant person to eat.
Likewise, heavy cream or heavy whipping cream usually has zero sugar and you can add it to your coffee.
Toes@ani.social · 11 pts · 350d
In my experience, nobody knows what’s in the food when I ask those kinds of questions. Sometimes they even get mad at me.
TRBoom@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 350d
That’s rough. I generally have good luck when I ask I guess.
Poem_for_your_sprog@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 350d
Use lactaid?
TRBoom@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 350d
Made it worse when I tried it :(
Poem_for_your_sprog@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 350d
That sounds like an allergy and not lactose intolerance then, RIP
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz · 4 pts · 349d
I'm not convinced my local pizza place can read
Longpork3@lemmy.nz · 1 pts · 350d
Or just get vegan cheese, which also has no animal abuse in it.
slazer2au@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 350d
Totally worth it.
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 350d
hakunawazo@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 350d
BBQ burger season with gall stones:
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 350d
I'm indigenous so I'm lactose intolerant .... but you build a tolerance to it all little by little over time. About ten years ago I got it that I could drink a huge milkshake (triple chocolate for those wondering ... chocolate milk, chocolate ice cream, chocolate sauce with a good shot of vanilla .... it was like dessert crack). I drank regularly all summer and by the fall, I had gained ten pounds and didn't notice the discomfort anymore.
Stopped for the winter and went to do it again the next spring and I felt like my insides wanted to become my outsides. I had to slowly build my tolerance again little by little.
AbsolutelyClawless@piefed.social · 10 pts · 350d
This is maybe pedantic, but you don't really build tolerance. You just build a flora that handles the lactose for you, i.e. bacteria.
cole@lemdro.id · 6 pts · 350d
yeah this did not work for me.
you know what DOES work?
LACTAID!!! woo pharmaceuticals
PartyAt15thAndSummit@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 349d
Also good for when you are not, in fact, lactose-intolerant, but prefer to shit like a sheep. You might get light-headed, though, as a side effect.
... or so I was told.
MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net · 5 pts · 350d
I miss milkshakes. Used to be able to inhale them when I was younger. These days... yeah I can't handle the aftermath.
oppy1984@lemdro.id · 3 pts · 349d
I developed my lactose intolerance about 30 years ago, I still eat pizza but I just order it with extra toppings and no cheese. It's not bad.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 350d
I have to be very careful around fried food outside the home because of cross contamination. I ate two pieces of fried sushi tonight. Not dead yet, but I feel you.