Yup, when you don't have a functional parent or adult around you learn to do a lot on your own.
Then when you're actually an adult you appear weird to everyone because you're so independent it's off-putting to people who grew up with social support.
You also get to develop some trust issues because the people who are typically there to rely on as a child were unreliable.
But everyone comes out the other end different and you realize how important those formative years are.
My old manager: You have to say something when you need help. I'm not a mind-reader.
My mom, when all I did was mention that I can't find an affordable place to live: Sorry, can't help.
I didn't ask for help and had zero intentions of asking for it (because I know her), just keeping her in the loop (which she claims to want), and she pre-emptively makes sure I know I can't rely on her.
These are two very different people who would both claim to want to "support" me, coming at it from the perspective of someone who thinks everyone has a supportive environment (manager) and the perspective of the person who gave me trust issues in the first place (mom.)
It must be nice to feel like there's always someone out there who will help you solve your problems. I've had to solve everything myself, or else suffer (and then be called "lazy" or "irresponsible" for being unable to do a particular thing, as if the millions of other things I manage to do alone count for nothing.)
I think it can also be an autism thing too. My SO is on the spectrum, and I'm definitely ADHD but possibly auDHD, and we were both mature for our age. We've always gotten along better with people older than us, especially adults when we were kids.
The biggest trauma I had was my parents getting divorced, but I was always mature for my age.
I commented above before I saw this. I was always told I was very mature for my age. I though knew if anyone complained about me. My parents would take turns breaking a belt on me when we got home.
29 Comments
N0t_5ure@lemmy.world · 110 pts · 337d
Being mature for your age is a marker of childhood trauma.
MeatPilot@lemmy.world · 36 pts · 337d
Yup, when you don't have a functional parent or adult around you learn to do a lot on your own.
Then when you're actually an adult you appear weird to everyone because you're so independent it's off-putting to people who grew up with social support.
You also get to develop some trust issues because the people who are typically there to rely on as a child were unreliable.
But everyone comes out the other end different and you realize how important those formative years are.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 337d
My old manager: You have to say something when you need help. I'm not a mind-reader.
My mom, when all I did was mention that I can't find an affordable place to live: Sorry, can't help.
I didn't ask for help and had zero intentions of asking for it (because I know her), just keeping her in the loop (which she claims to want), and she pre-emptively makes sure I know I can't rely on her.
These are two very different people who would both claim to want to "support" me, coming at it from the perspective of someone who thinks everyone has a supportive environment (manager) and the perspective of the person who gave me trust issues in the first place (mom.)
It must be nice to feel like there's always someone out there who will help you solve your problems. I've had to solve everything myself, or else suffer (and then be called "lazy" or "irresponsible" for being unable to do a particular thing, as if the millions of other things I manage to do alone count for nothing.)
N0t_5ure@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 337d
I think we must have had the same mother.
StarryPhoenix97@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 337d
moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 12 pts · 337d
I'm not sure that's much of a surprise
village604@adultswim.fan · 8 pts · 337d
I think it can also be an autism thing too. My SO is on the spectrum, and I'm definitely ADHD but possibly auDHD, and we were both mature for our age. We've always gotten along better with people older than us, especially adults when we were kids.
The biggest trauma I had was my parents getting divorced, but I was always mature for my age.
bridgeenjoyer@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 337d
Thats be me!
Though mine wasn't bad compared to others. Also I just love old thing so thats how I've always been .
Although I find old things offer an escape. So thats why I like them.
MehBlah@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 337d
I commented above before I saw this. I was always told I was very mature for my age. I though knew if anyone complained about me. My parents would take turns breaking a belt on me when we got home.
jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works · 30 pts · 337d
My Physical Age: 36
My Soul Age: 98 and about 2 days away from a fatal aneurysm.
ummthatguy@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 337d
Hegar@fedia.io · 21 pts · 337d
When it was said to me I always felt like it meant, "wow, you've already identified that [this thing adults do] is a bunch of bullshit"
MadMadBunny@lemmy.ca · 15 pts · 337d
Sure it wasn’t because you already had to deal with too much abuse and shit?
primrosepathspeedrun@anarchist.nexus · 22 pts · 337d
Why do you think my serotonin receptors died?
Obi@sopuli.xyz · 9 pts · 337d
Cue lifetime of self medication.
MehBlah@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 337d
Or, you are the product of ongoing abuse who would rather not do anything to get a beating when you get home.
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 337d
What's Serotonin?
seliaste@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 337d
Neurotransmitter people think makes you happy but it's way more complex than that
technocrit@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 337d
without evidence.
seliaste@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 337d
Also
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 337d
It was a drug people did in the 90s.
Goretantath@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 337d
The thing i have to take a pill to have enough of, literally taking fucking happy pills because i grew wise to the world at the age of 6..
technocrit@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 1 pts · 337d
It's yet another psychiatric/pharmaceutical grift.
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0
Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 337d
Old soul just means you've had to come back more than most. Not a compliment.
porksnort@slrpnk.net · 1 pts · 337d
Remedial soul
vzqq@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 337d
Really? I always clocked it as grooming bullshit.
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 337d
Serotonin is created in the gut. No guts no glory
blave@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 338d
For me, it was, “you, why is a six-year-old eating caviar?“
My parents just wanted me to live in misery
Bonus@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 337d
Old Curmudgeon Soul
technocrit@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 337d
I think it means that too many adults believe debunked pseudo-science.