chemist: just keep challenging them to make more and more unstable and/or toxic compounds. if they've made it past FOOF gas, up the ante by saying "ok now do a 1-pot synth"
microbiologist: accidentally a little pathogenic virulence factors into their E. coli supply and poke some holes in the laminar hood HEPA. (don't do this if you share a bathroom with them)
particle physicist: take a couple screws out of one of the hundreds of ladders around the facility
theoretical physicist: remove a manhole cover in one of their usual walking paths, Looney Tunes style
biochemist: sabotage all their grant proposals and they'll take care of their own assassination
computer scientist: fucking don't they're an endangered species now
entomologist: literally indestructible don't even bother trying. these motherfuckers raise botfly larvae in their own limbs for shits and giggles. i fear no man. but entomologists... they scare me
Molecular biologist: repeatedly spike their samples and reagents to cause random failures. Eventually lack of sleep from running it "just one more time" will kill them.
23 Comments
janus2@lemmy.zip · 74 pts · 294d
how to assassinate a...
chemist: just keep challenging them to make more and more unstable and/or toxic compounds. if they've made it past FOOF gas, up the ante by saying "ok now do a 1-pot synth"
microbiologist: accidentally a little pathogenic virulence factors into their E. coli supply and poke some holes in the laminar hood HEPA. (don't do this if you share a bathroom with them)
particle physicist: take a couple screws out of one of the hundreds of ladders around the facility
theoretical physicist: remove a manhole cover in one of their usual walking paths, Looney Tunes style
biochemist: sabotage all their grant proposals and they'll take care of their own assassination
computer scientist: fucking don't they're an endangered species now
entomologist: literally indestructible don't even bother trying. these motherfuckers raise botfly larvae in their own limbs for shits and giggles. i fear no man. but entomologists... they scare me
mathematician: use a gun
The_v@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 294d
Molecular biologist: repeatedly spike their samples and reagents to cause random failures. Eventually lack of sleep from running it "just one more time" will kill them.
BambiDiego@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 294d
Marine Biologist: You can't kill a 13 year old girl, no one actually becomes a marine biologist, they just all want to.
Sociologist: Trick them into going to a psychology convention, the crowd will do the work for you.
Psychologist: See above, reverse it. Might be harder to trick, tell them someone in there said they're just an anthropologist who's bad at math.
Anthropologist: Take away their teaching license, can no longer feed themselves because no one else is hiring them.
serenissi@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 294d
the Galois reference is the best
janus2@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 294d
yes that was definitely intentional and absolutely not just an anti-joke i used when i ran out of ideas. excellent catch 😎👉👉
serenissi@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 293d
:)
tetris11@feddit.uk · 5 pts · 293d
For anyone wondering, Galois was a mathematician who postulated that you could simplify any problem with a gun
ceenote@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 294d
I wish I'd known about this strategy when my rival picked geologist as his starting Pokémon.
WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 294d
Fun fact: you can kill most anyone or thing with a baseball bat at any time you like.
MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 294d
A wild student loan appears!
MajorMajormajormajor used baseball bat!
It's not very effective...
MajorMajormajormajor has fainted from the effort.
WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 294d
See. You almost died from a baseball bat.
MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 294d
Holy smokes, it works!
whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works · 33 pts · 294d
where's the picture of the knife?
Akasazh@feddit.nl · 14 pts · 294d
Tetragrade@leminal.space · 16 pts · 294d
That's cool. Obsidian is the strongest block so I bet it's a very effective weapon.
tetris11@feddit.uk · 6 pts · 293d
*Sneaks up behind you with a wooden bat*
janus2@lemmy.zip · 12 pts · 294d
rocks or gtfo!
Dagnet@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 294d
You trying to get yourself killed?!
thegreekgeek@midwest.social · 2 pts · 294d
Came here to say this, they can't just tease us like that.
TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 294d
I can't read this without imagining it in Jeaney Collects's voice
Dam_nedShe_fossil@mander.xyz · 9 pts · 294d
Haha, I'm in danger.
janus2@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 294d
cool rock tax pls
HasturInYellow@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 293d
Obsidian has been used extensively as weapons for hunting and tools for preparing food for thousands and thousands of years.
But yea like other stones, it breaks.