Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
22 Comments
Franconian_Nomad@feddit.org · 68 pts · 222d
That sounds like a poorly disguised fetish.
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 50 pts · 222d
It's also pretty unrealistic, just biologically/medically. Most people need to have their poop day once per month, if not once per week.
mushroomman_toad@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 25 pts · 222d
once per hour 😎
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 48 pts · 222d
Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 222d
This is the best copy pasta I've ever seen
MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org · 7 pts · 221d
That was pure poetry
Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf · 3 pts · 221d
Also pure poop.
supergrizzlybear@pawb.social · 4 pts · 221d
murder of the universe but poop instead of vomit
lime@feddit.nu · 2 pts · 221d
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeXT0gNeSvM
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 221d
Linearity@piefed.zip · 15 pts · 222d
Once per week? I have to go twice a day 🥀
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 222d
Every single day?! Have you tried more red meat, dairy, processed grains, cheese, saturated fats etc?
lime_red@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 222d
Have you tried not being lactose intolerant?
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 221d
Couldn't you just drink a bunch of milk and get it all out? You have to run out of poop eventually, right?
...right!?
Krauerking@lemy.lol · 4 pts · 221d
Funny enough that is how you cure lactose intolerance.
basxto@discuss.tchncs.de · 5 pts · 221d
you people stop pooping?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 221d
How do you make it stop
Krauerking@lemy.lol · 17 pts · 222d
This is so fucked, the comments are so fucked and I'm lying down because I laughed to hard.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 221d
One night lasts 186 days in south pole so you can do your business in half a day.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 221d
science is incredibly
Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf · 9 pts · 221d
We all have been there.
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 221d
Is this the no poop Lemmy guy from last year?