I have friends who tell me that every time and I have troubles to say that i want something without feeling shitty so tried a loophole for both our brains and phrase sentences like:
"If you like you can do that AND would make me very happy on the way, or you stay at home and I will be very happy for you! Either way I am happy!"
My wife complains about this to me. But in my defense, I only ask if I don't really want to go myself. "Let's go to the court house together" vs "you can come if you want". I don't want to subject her to the same shit I'd rather not be doing.
I've found myself in similar situations with past partners. I've found that "I need to go to x place. I'd love to have your company if you're not busy" is a good way to let them know that I want them there with me, but there's no obligation if they don't want to come.
I don't know how common it is, but I def tend to be socially inept. I think most people are socially inept in some situations though. The trick is finding someone with social ineptitudes that are compatible with yours.
see for some its more I don't want to pressure you to come. If you can and want to thats great but really if you have anything you would rather be doing no big deal. I honestly wish I did not have to go.
You aren't. They're adults and will decline if they want.
I got a lot more confidence in myself as soon as I realized that my lack of confidence implied that everyone else were children in need of my protection, from me. Treat your adult friends like adults. They'll be ok.
That's why I love the fact our langaige has dual. You can just use the fual form of imperative and it's immediately obvious you want the person to come even if you are in a group of people.
45 Comments
joyjoy@lemmy.zip · 48 pts · 142d
Stop giving me a choice!
FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org · 20 pts · 142d
I have friends who tell me that every time and I have troubles to say that i want something without feeling shitty so tried a loophole for both our brains and phrase sentences like:
"If you like you can do that AND would make me very happy on the way, or you stay at home and I will be very happy for you! Either way I am happy!"
joyjoy@lemmy.zip · 9 pts · 142d
I'll be honest, that sounds manipulative. Maybe it's different in the tone that's lost in the text format.
FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org · 6 pts · 142d
I really really try not to be manipulative and also writing in English makes it harder for me 😅
I already tried to write like 5 times because I thought the same.
Jerb322@lemmy.world · 46 pts · 142d
My wife complains about this to me. But in my defense, I only ask if I don't really want to go myself. "Let's go to the court house together" vs "you can come if you want". I don't want to subject her to the same shit I'd rather not be doing.
OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works · 38 pts · 142d
I've found myself in similar situations with past partners. I've found that "I need to go to x place. I'd love to have your company if you're not busy" is a good way to let them know that I want them there with me, but there's no obligation if they don't want to come.
KazuchijouNo@lemy.lol · 11 pts · 142d
Thanks! I'll start using this, I'm surprised it's such a common thing, I tought I was just socially inept or something
OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 142d
I don't know how common it is, but I def tend to be socially inept. I think most people are socially inept in some situations though. The trick is finding someone with social ineptitudes that are compatible with yours.
HubertManne@piefed.social · 9 pts · 142d
see to me that sounds like guilting them into coming.
Focal@pawb.social · 5 pts · 142d
Yeah, same here. Communication is difficult already. I do not envy the difficulties neurodivergent folks go through in understanding this shit
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 142d
The other option sounds like "I don't care if you come".
HubertManne@piefed.social · 2 pts · 141d
see for some its more I don't want to pressure you to come. If you can and want to thats great but really if you have anything you would rather be doing no big deal. I honestly wish I did not have to go.
LodeMike@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 142d
What's a cream team
OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 142d
I don't know. I just thought it was a funny username.
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net · 30 pts · 142d
I just don't want to pressure someone into doing something if they don't want to though...
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 142d
You aren't. They're adults and will decline if they want.
I got a lot more confidence in myself as soon as I realized that my lack of confidence implied that everyone else were children in need of my protection, from me. Treat your adult friends like adults. They'll be ok.
humorlessrepost@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 142d
I think for most people, it’s fear of rejection, and they lie to themselves that the reasoning is what you’re replying to.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 142d
No attempt at making friends, no fear of rejection.
Easy.
Randomgal@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 141d
They are adults. They can walk to go if they want.
village604@adultswim.fan · 17 pts · 142d
Both are fine depending on the context.
CaptPretentious@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 142d
Yeah, I think part of what's missing is HOW it's said and what it's about.
gilindoeslemmy@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 142d
I’m going to go do _______. Would you like to come?
naticus@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 142d
"you"
humorlessrepost@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 142d
“your sister”
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 142d
That's why I love the fact our langaige has dual. You can just use the fual form of imperative and it's immediately obvious you want the person to come even if you are in a group of people.
It takes 1 word
AntiBullyRanger@ani.social · 28 pts · 142d
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 142d
That can be misunderstood depending on context
FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 142d
Too late I already came
AntiBullyRanger@ani.social · 3 pts · 142d
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 142d
?? Is it supposed to have sound?
AntiBullyRanger@ani.social · 2 pts · 142d
No, it's ASL.
samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 142d
MohamedMoney@feddit.org · 8 pts · 142d
Please elaborate
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 142d
Which part is unclear?
MohamedMoney@feddit.org · 5 pts · 142d
Which language? Can you give an example?
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 142d
Slovenian. The word is greva. Meaning to go in first person, dual, inperative. Often used as a question inplying 'shall we go now?'.
MohamedMoney@feddit.org · 1 pts · 142d
Thank you. That’s interesting. Does it mean 'you and me go now?'
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 142d
Yep pretty much. You say it to someone and everyone knows you only mean them and you.
Agrivar@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 142d
...and that word is?
ThePantser@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 142d
antidisestablishmentarianism
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 142d
Greva.
First person dual imperative meaning the two of us are leaving/going. Usually asked in a way inplying 'shall we go now?'.
Agrivar@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 142d
Interesting. What language is that?
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 142d
Slovenian. I think it's the largest (at least afaik there might be some larger one) language that has dual.
Agrivar@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 142d
Neat! Thanks for replying - I find the functional differences between languages fascinating.
aeronmelon@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 142d
Oh, I’m not UNinvited, yay.
ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 142d