My neighbor's wife's dog's previous owner's dental assistant's husband somehow did the jump between timelines and told us about the timeline where Harambe didn't get murdered.
It's not at all what you'd expect, in the other timeline some Elvis impersonator from Vegas became president in the 2016 and his first order of business was to order ICE to detain all Beatles fans and deport them to England. The cost of the operation bankrupted the nation and for some reason everyone blamed Harambe. A crowd of 2500 people marched to the zoo and lynched Harambe. Doing so resulted in an economic boom but also released some sort of respiratory virus that spread worldwide and caused millions of deaths. A few years later that guy from the apprentice became president and the timelines converged into the same situation we have now.
In the end nothing changed except all the Beatles fans are in England now and they prevented Brexit so I guess that's pretty cool.
It all started December 26th 2015. Lemmy died. Two weeks later David Bowie died. Lemmy's death ripped a hole in the universe. The year of celebrity deaths started. Harambe died. Trump became president. It almost stared the day after Christmas 2025. That's where it all went wrong.
Though I don't believe in rapture (it's not even in the bible, it's just a new idea from American Christians) it does often feel like we're the ones "left behind"
34 Comments
MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca · 57 pts · 86d
My neighbor's wife's dog's previous owner's dental assistant's husband somehow did the jump between timelines and told us about the timeline where Harambe didn't get murdered.
It's not at all what you'd expect, in the other timeline some Elvis impersonator from Vegas became president in the 2016 and his first order of business was to order ICE to detain all Beatles fans and deport them to England. The cost of the operation bankrupted the nation and for some reason everyone blamed Harambe. A crowd of 2500 people marched to the zoo and lynched Harambe. Doing so resulted in an economic boom but also released some sort of respiratory virus that spread worldwide and caused millions of deaths. A few years later that guy from the apprentice became president and the timelines converged into the same situation we have now.
In the end nothing changed except all the Beatles fans are in England now and they prevented Brexit so I guess that's pretty cool.
coolie4@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 86d
Didn't I read something recently saying they were trying to get back in the EU?
MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca · 14 pts · 86d
I'm not sure, did you?
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 85d
Well I have, now.
TheBrideWoreCrimson@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 85d
Unfortunately, in either timeline, there aren't going to be that many Beatles fans still around...
arrow74@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 86d
And now we know how many people a gorilla can fight off
numberskull@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 85d
It’s a shame the gorilla couldn’t beat off everybody
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 85d
Might argue their timeline is worse then - that's 3 terms of trumpism rather than just 2
Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 85d
Its pretty good for the UK though.
Ioughttamow@fedia.io · 24 pts · 86d
Ah, just rebase the good timeline onto the harambe branch
DmMacniel@feddit.org · 17 pts · 86d
good luck rebasing 600 billion commits.
humorlessrepost@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 86d
Caude, resolve my conflicts and push to prod branch.
bluesheep@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 85d
Great job it just deleted the repo. We do have backups, right?
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 85d
$ sudo rpm-ostree rebase -b fedora/stable/harambe
$ sudo systemctl reboot
AlboTheGuy@feddit.nl · 20 pts · 85d
nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de · 8 pts · 85d
OMFG! WHERE DID YOU GET IT??
AlboTheGuy@feddit.nl · 2 pts · 85d
Google lens is a fascinating piece of technology, anyways it was on Reddit
DmMacniel@feddit.org · 16 pts · 86d
is it a shitpost because its not the entire timeline?
nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de · 5 pts · 86d
Yes, funni
arandomthought@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 86d
Oh god, we truly are in the tide pod branch, are we?
FauxPseudo@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 86d
It all started December 26th 2015. Lemmy died. Two weeks later David Bowie died. Lemmy's death ripped a hole in the universe. The year of celebrity deaths started. Harambe died. Trump became president. It almost stared the day after Christmas 2025. That's where it all went wrong.
zarathustrad@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 80d
No voices in the sky.
village604@adultswim.fan · 7 pts · 86d
The world actually ended in 2012. We're just in hell now.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 85d
Though I don't believe in rapture (it's not even in the bible, it's just a new idea from American Christians) it does often feel like we're the ones "left behind"
cattywampas@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 86d
But the Cubs won a World Series, so, worth it.
Hozerkiller@lemmy.ca · 9 pts · 86d
In the other timeline they win 3 back to back to back.
fleem@piefed.zeromedia.vip · 4 pts · 86d
we shoulda been on that line to the D
Abyssian@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 85d
Does the lower point after the split say "Tide POC"?
PodPerson@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 85d
I think it’s Tide pods - that brief few minutes where some Tik tok kids lost their minds and thought it would be awesome to eat soap.
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 85d
sorry to do this to ya, but it was before tiktok was mainstream and the videos were on YouTube
PodPerson@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 85d
I wasn’t sure which platform it started on, so I yield. My eating soap remark stands though.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 85d
Is there a source for the full timeline???
nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de · 4 pts · 85d
Couldn't find it.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 85d
Thanks for trying! 😁