My partner and I swing in a Stag/Vixen kind of dynamic, but honestly it feels theoretical sometimes. We've had partners in the past, but eventually people flaking really wore us down.
My instinct has always been to swing with people outside our normal social circles. A bit of "We don't shit where we eat," but also just being out to friends might be complicated. Because of this we aren't trying to seduce friends or anything like that.
Instead, we've looked online mostly. The other site for a while, Fetlife as well, Feeld and Tindr, but each has proved less than ideal. Fetlife is slow, skews older, and is really hit or miss based on your area. Tindr isn't super catered towards swingers and Feeld had a bunch of tech issues.
Have we been barking up the wrong trees online? Should we be skipping online and trying to go to clubs or gatherings? How have you folks navigated swinging in the internet era?
6 Comments
notalannister@fedinsfw.app · 5 pts · 21d
I can't give you a fail-proof solution, but based on personal experience:
Visiting bars and clubs might be a lot slower but in our experience much much better to meet couples, make friends and arrange meetings.
In the lifestyle you shouldn't act desperate or you'll risk yourself.
As a bonus tip: If you plan to visit a bar/club, search for hotels or motels near it and carry some ammenities th you in case you meet a couple and they decide they want to play
sluttyWizard@fedinsfw.app · 4 pts · 21d
Thank you for your thoughtful reply! Lots of good advice. Bars and clubs haven't been our start simply because of distance and nerves. Online has definitely been frustrating but hasn't made us desperate. It just sucks to spend months getting to know someone sometime only to have them disappear as the meetup approaches. I'll definitely start planning more club outings
notalannister@fedinsfw.app · 4 pts · 21d
You're welcome
Totally understandable. Don't feel ashamed. Depending on the bar/club ambient, they will totally know you're new and some people like guidind the newcomers. Be careful tho, some couples are out there looking for newcomers to fuck them and run away. That's their kink, but if both of you are in only for the sex, it's a pro, not a con.
We all have felt nerves sometime and we'll feel them again. Simply don't let the nerves guide your decisions.
Glado to know. Again, soebody might come with a totally positive experience about online engagement. Might be of value to read ther advice as well.
Have happened to us too. Most probably that was a single dude pretending to be a couple or maybe a couple simply "having fun" with you. Despicable IMO but they exist and you should avoid them.
Great. Don't be shy to look on sites like google maps for advice and recommendations. It has worked well for us.
Good Luck!!
LangSlang@fedinsfw.app · 2 pts · 16d
Did a little searching with my ex years back and it was either people flaking on even setting up a time or that we were too young. It was nice to talk to some people but I got the feeling most didn’t actually want to do anything.
sluttyWizard@fedinsfw.app · 0 pts · 15d
Its rough because obviously you want people just dipping their toe in to have a good time, but it can be a drag when they get cold feet and the people who like to swing regularly have trouble finding each other
LangSlang@fedinsfw.app · 2 pts · 15d
Yeah I feel you there. We talked to this couple pretty close and they were great and attractive and then all of sudden just stopped responding. I wish at least people would say “we changed our minds” or something equivalent.