c/nottheonion · by VetOfTheSeas@discuss.online · 9h

US military asks troops for ‘creative and unconventional’ ideas to punish Iran

https://kvia.com/politics/cnn-us-politics/2026/08/02/exclusive-us-military-asks-troops-for-creative-and-unconventional-ideas-to-punish-iran/

129 points · 28 comments · view on lemmy.world

28 Comments

ChicoSuave@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 9h

Have they tried giving Iran $300billion again?

Rentlar@lemmy.ca · 40 pts · 9h

Witness the peak of meritocracy...

simpsons meme - we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas, changed to we've tried issuing ultimatums and tacos - with hegseth and trump's faces superimposed.

Naich@piefed.world · 32 pts · 9h (2 replies)

How about bombing schools? Oh no, that's been done hasn't it?

P00ptart@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 9h (1 reply)

Maybe try again from a different angle? If that doesn't work, maybe a children's hospital?

chaosCruiser@futurology.today · 5 pts · 8h

Religious targets? You get bonus points if you start a holy war.

BeardededSquidward@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 23 pts · 5h (2 replies)

Force Trump as their president.

BassTurd@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4h

He would be in charge for as long as it takes for the first person to get in arms or bullet length of him. A light punishment with huge upside for both parties.

They say that a good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied. I feel like this is one of those "exception to the rule" situations.

snoons@piefed.ca · 3 pts · 1h

Literally would end the war. US military plane lands in Tehran to drop off the (ex)POTUS as an apology.

"Our pseudo-democratic system gave us this shitstain for a leader. We're sorry. Here he is, do with him as you please."

Though at that point I suspect the US Military will be in the white house and I don't see that as any better.

Babalugats@feddit.uk · 20 pts · 8h

"Creative and Unconventional" Stop the war, the unnecessary killing of citizens and keeping the fuel prices up. Stop talking to Netanhayu and helping him out.

Ohhh.. to "punish" Iran.. For what exactly?

Is that relevant to the punishment or is it just arbitrary?

They apparently like war, and that's why they allegedly want a nuclear weapon. So don't engage with them. That will really piss them off.

Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 7h

When management has to ask employees for ideas on what to do, it shows how much shit they have on the table

cupcakezealot@piefed.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 8h (1 reply)

punish iran for what? existing when the us attacked them and started a war?

Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 7h

Punish them for not losing

Photonic@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 7h

Let’s send Trump and the entire Republican Party there. That’ll teach them!

Curious_Canid@piefed.ca · 11 pts · 8h

I suspect the military is looking for something that will distract Trump from launching nukes.

Hegar@fedia.io · 10 pts · 8h (1 reply)

Start offering them US health insurance?

Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 2h

They are already doing better than that by bombing them.

socsa@piefed.social · 10 pts · 1h

Haha like what if we all sucked each other's dicks like as a joke and sent it to the Islamic Republic, I mean obviously jk but like wouldn't that be hella funny? They would be so mad

Fishnoodle@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 8h

Make them move to America

BigBrownBeaver@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 8h (1 reply)

Have you tried to turn it off and on again?

Curious_Canid@piefed.ca · 14 pts · 8h

Yes, they have repeatedly tried turning the war off and on again.

dan1101@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 7h

I wish the troops would concentrate more on disobeying unlawful orders.

SuperEars@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 3h

Search & Destroy : Sweep & Clear
::
Creative & Unconventional : Cruel & Unusual

zabadoh@ani.social · 3 pts · 3h

Leave Iran alone, and don't talk to them.