Specifically, this is my ex, and my kid’s mom. She’s in a relationship that is now six months old and I’m starting to see red flags. She’s become a lot less visible and available than before, and her communication has gone down to almost nothing. From what little I’ve seen of them together, I’ve detected possible signs of codependency and over-attachment. Any time she contacts me or wants to see me, it’s clear that she’s doing it behind her partner's back, and there’s absolutely nothing going on between us to threaten a relationship.
I’m a domestic abuse survivor myself, and one of the things I know is that it’s not easy to be aware or or understand what you’re in when you’re actually in it. So obviously it’s not like I’d just say, hey, are you being abused? So hopefully someone with experience with this knows the right things to say or ask to find out what’s really going on. And my kid’s there with them too. I’m actually taking him on vacation next week (he’s five) and wouldn’t mind finding gentle ways to find out what he sees.
I’m going to get a chance to hang out with her in a couple of days and I’d like to be ready by then. I hope I’m wrong and she’s just being an asshole. Because that I can handle. Thanks all.
1 Comments
Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 3h
This sounds particularly messy. Is there any reason you can't be extremely direct in your next conversation with the ex? Bring up all these exact things. Not in a are you being abused way. In a "hey I've noticed some things and I just wanted to check in on them". Frame it around yourself/the kid and your concern not around them and the potential situation you perceive them to be in. Your kid is involved so you have a reasonable cause for concern. Do you have reason to believe the new person is unsafe in any way, especially in the context of being around your kid? Dr. John Delony has a call in show where this kind of thing is a frequent topic. Some of his content on youtube might be helpful in learning how to frame hard conversations. He is a highly qualified and experienced expert, advice given is professional grade not some youtube grifter. If you speak to a therapist, asking them how to approach the situation is also a viable direction.