DISCLAIMER: I tried posting on Reddit and it got full of hate so I went here for more sensible people to look at it. I also want to add that contrary to what some people have said, I MYSELF am aroace. This is not me spreading hate against queer people...
I wanted to join a server I found which is supposedly a queer, safe-space server. However, when I verified, the person (or I guess people, since they seem to be a plural system, or someone with multiple identities) was very blunt or even rude at times. They got mad at me for not knowing specific mental health terminology, for not knowing that bipolar wasn't a neurodevelopmental disability (context : they asked me what neurodevelopmental disorders I had and I said autism, ADHD and bipolar since I just thought it was a disorder one has that affects how they think or manage emotions/social stuff, which bipolar does for me.)
Later, the "conflict" started, making me want to leave the server before I was verified. They asked me if I knew how to turn off pings (or @ mentions) and told me being @ mentioned made them uncomfortable. I said "I do not, I'm new to Discord, can you show me?" However, what I didn't know was that unlike most people, who would be okay with this pronoun, they expected me to say "you&". Rather than be patient about it, they yelled at me in all caps to "correct myself NOW" as I was being "rude and deliberately triggering" for them. Despite feeling upset and correcting it to say "can you& show me?" they went on demanding that I give them special attention and respect and when I forgot that they didn't want to be directly replied to, as I was used to that, despite the fact that I removed the message after realizing, they said again, I was being mean and trying to trigger them because I hated them. Then they said they didn't wanna talk to me anymore because I was abusing them.
Because of this negative interaction and knowing this system would be a handful, I left the server instead of verifying.
14 Comments
imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works · 20 pts · 1d
Sounds like a nightmare. Good riddance
JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu · 2 pts · 1d
Thank you. It was weird but people online just kept assuming the worst and saying it was fanfic or that I made it up because I hate gay people.
cosmicrose@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 1d
You’re not in the wrong at all, some people are just Like That and they’re absolutely not worth your time. They have my sympathy for being completely out-of-touch but I wouldn’t waste a second of precious attention trying to fit into whatever world they live in. If they don’t want to be kind & understanding to people in their own community then they can go kick rocks.
JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu · 2 pts · 1d
Thank you. They just kept going on about being a victim rather than try to be kind and understand me. And they were the owner
IHatePepRallies@discuss.online · 10 pts · 1d
They sound really weird. NTA.
jdr@lemmy.ml · 7 pts · 1d
Could you& not refer to yourself as "I", that's harmful
JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu · 5 pts · 1d
😭 Oh sorry, that was very offensive of me&, I&'ll do better next time. Thank you& for informing me&.
kboos1@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1d
"You&" is a new one on me. What's the reasoning behind it?
JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu · 3 pts · 1d
I'm pretty sure it's a pronoun for plural systems who want to be specifically addressed as plural so it's unambiguous. I think it's short for "you & company" or something?
JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu · 1 pts · 1d
I found this
IHatePepRallies@discuss.online · 2 pts · 1d
(Why is this comment being downvoted, it's clearly a joke)
kboos1@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1d
We are only getting one side of the story here, so please take everything with a grain of salt and I'm only speaking from my own experience from similar situations.
Leaving a hostile server, community, subreddit or whatever is never a bad thing. You will encounter people who live to be triggered and get off on it, some are just angry, some are grifters, some enjoy the power, some are just assholes. These people exist everywhere regardless if they supposedly identify as open minded and reasonable people. Some are genuinely just trying to communicate their feelings and might just be bad at communication. Knowing the difference, for better or worse, is very hard on social media because people are hidden by anonymous screen names and sometimes forget social politeness. Some are just unaware that being rude is a two way street and are only concerned with their own feelings. Doesn't matter who's right or wrong, sometimes it's better just to leave the situation and let them have their castle.
Something inherently difficult about unique pronouns is that people have to constantly communicate the pronouns to let others know what pronouns they wish for others to use. Logically if they do not communicate this during their introduction to someone new then they should politely communicate it once someone uses a different pronoun. However humans are not always logical. Now if you continued to use a different pronoun than they wished for you to use then that's on you.
As for being nuero divergent or nuero development or how they wish to define it being a disability or not; is a form of gate keeping. It seems clear that it's a closed minded server and you should probably move on.
It doesn't sound like a safe space, it sounds like you entered their castle and this person sounds very short tempered. Some people use the term "safe space" to mean that it's ok for them to be assholes without consequences. But I'm only getting half the story here, so again take this with a grain of salt.
JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu · 4 pts · 1d
I understand. It could be different from their side, but this is how I personally viewed it. Thank you, though :)
I should state that they did not tell me they wanted to go by a different pronoun. I usually use "you" for people because it's the standard. They did not say anything like "oh, by the way, I (I&?) use "I/you&" instead of you". They just decided to jump on me for getting the pronoun wrong and also said something like "You triggered me and you're being abusive for not respecting me!! I don't want to start a fight, I swear!"
lulungomeena_burbclave@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 9h
We're plural. NTA. That system contains at least one demanding asshole, which you encountered.
Sadly, there has been a longrunning toxic shitfight in the plural community, and it has the consequence of normalizing and even encouraging such behavior.