That person holding the mask is protecting you, it is doing its job the only way it knows. Especially when masking is connected to a trauma it can be useful to address both aspects while working to find more sustainable ways of being. That's my experience at least - I've learned about neurodivergence and burnout as well as complex trauma simultaneously and it seems necessary for me to have "an explanation" that covers both aspects. I'm trying to be more understanding and compassionate to myself, find ways to process my issues and figure out what the real me needs. Often it feels desperate and at the moment I feel really lonely, drawing boundaries is really hard when you've lived your whole life putting other people's needs before your own. Unmasking drives people away, I'm not very good at communicating my boundaries or needs to other people and often that discussion is not encouraged either, leading to awkwardness and wrong interpretations. I carry a lot of shame with me from all the "failures" where I've failed to keep the mask up, usually I run away from situations at the last minute before that happens, but people tend take that as arrogance or avoidance. Unmasking, as well as processing trauma, tend to affect our relationships, I try to believe it when people say it's for the best. We don't necessarily want to keep those relationships or stay in situations that don't allow us to be who we are, but I've yet to figure out what fills the void that's left. Maybe that void finally allows me to have space for myself, time will tell.
I've found it important to spend time with other ND's and trauma survivors, peer support groups are great. I also find comfort in watching videos on Youtube where people explain their ND burnout experiences.
You are not alone and your struggle is real. Things can change and you can learn to let go of the mask, little by little. If you don't have access to professional support free resources can be really helpful as well. Healing takes time but it is time worth spending.
I was on a motorcycle roadtrip for a couple days and now the left side of my neck is really sore. I should do some maintenance on the bike but really don't feel like it. Coming back to city is somehow depressing and I just want to go the summer cabin and stay there forever.
I once had to lay down on the bathroom floor in a fetal position between rounds. Sweat was literally dripping. What a way to feel alive whilst expecting death!
Rainy day, perfect for spending time in the garage and fixing motorbikes, but instead of focusing on it my mind insists on working on a business plan.
After our move to Berlin was cancelled we've been thinking about different options with the SO (both of us are unemployed at the moment) and came up with the idea of setting up a amall independent book & other cool things shop (used and new books, zines, prints, stickers, art, rugs, tapestry, etc focusing on independent publishers and artists). We bought an old Chevy that we are fixing, it will work as our camper / mobile book shop when going to events and festivals. Our goal is to get things rolling before the end of the year, perhaps do a pop-up thing while looking at possible spaces for the shop. I know it's not going to be easy trying to make ends meet, but hopefully it'll feel like we are spending our time and resources on something useful and inspiring instead of making profit for faceless corporations.
This has occupied my mind for the last 1,5 months or so and it's impossible switching the "work mode" off. It's inspiring but very draining at the same time. Would be nice to enjoy the summer and choose to think of other things but nah, hyperfocus + monotropism it is.
That person holding the mask is protecting you, it is doing its job the only way it knows. Especially when masking is connected to a trauma it can be useful to address both aspects while working to find more sustainable ways of being. That's my experience at least - I've learned about neurodivergence and burnout as well as complex trauma simultaneously and it seems necessary for me to have "an explanation" that covers both aspects. I'm trying to be more understanding and compassionate to myself, find ways to process my issues and figure out what the real me needs. Often it feels desperate and at the moment I feel really lonely, drawing boundaries is really hard when you've lived your whole life putting other people's needs before your own. Unmasking drives people away, I'm not very good at communicating my boundaries or needs to other people and often that discussion is not encouraged either, leading to awkwardness and wrong interpretations. I carry a lot of shame with me from all the "failures" where I've failed to keep the mask up, usually I run away from situations at the last minute before that happens, but people tend take that as arrogance or avoidance. Unmasking, as well as processing trauma, tend to affect our relationships, I try to believe it when people say it's for the best. We don't necessarily want to keep those relationships or stay in situations that don't allow us to be who we are, but I've yet to figure out what fills the void that's left. Maybe that void finally allows me to have space for myself, time will tell.
I've found it important to spend time with other ND's and trauma survivors, peer support groups are great. I also find comfort in watching videos on Youtube where people explain their ND burnout experiences.
You are not alone and your struggle is real. Things can change and you can learn to let go of the mask, little by little. If you don't have access to professional support free resources can be really helpful as well. Healing takes time but it is time worth spending.
There's also the one where you slowly lift up the middle finger by cranking its invisible handle with your other hand, as if there was a winch
Antique little shit
Wouldn't it be buttiwork though?
manul
Manul
ARISE NOW, YE TARNISHED!
Make everyone a favor and stop that someone who shat there!
Return? Both Ways?
Agree, at 36 I feel like I'm almost ready to turn 25 soon!
What a cute couple! They look so happy together!
I was on a motorcycle roadtrip for a couple days and now the left side of my neck is really sore. I should do some maintenance on the bike but really don't feel like it. Coming back to city is somehow depressing and I just want to go the summer cabin and stay there forever.
Nah, it's called "the Revenge from Beyond", you get it from eating Beyond burgers (or similar)
Sexy footwear you've got there, Donatello
I once had to lay down on the bathroom floor in a fetal position between rounds. Sweat was literally dripping. What a way to feel alive whilst expecting death!
manul
Rainy day, perfect for spending time in the garage and fixing motorbikes, but instead of focusing on it my mind insists on working on a business plan.
After our move to Berlin was cancelled we've been thinking about different options with the SO (both of us are unemployed at the moment) and came up with the idea of setting up a amall independent book & other cool things shop (used and new books, zines, prints, stickers, art, rugs, tapestry, etc focusing on independent publishers and artists). We bought an old Chevy that we are fixing, it will work as our camper / mobile book shop when going to events and festivals. Our goal is to get things rolling before the end of the year, perhaps do a pop-up thing while looking at possible spaces for the shop. I know it's not going to be easy trying to make ends meet, but hopefully it'll feel like we are spending our time and resources on something useful and inspiring instead of making profit for faceless corporations.
This has occupied my mind for the last 1,5 months or so and it's impossible switching the "work mode" off. It's inspiring but very draining at the same time. Would be nice to enjoy the summer and choose to think of other things but nah, hyperfocus + monotropism it is.
Cat.
Cat.