It’s gauche to be mentioning Emmett Till on a porn board
In my original comment I had typed up a couple of paragraphs about that and deleted them for that reason, but... Yeah. You could also point to more recent examples like thr Duke Lacrosse incident or the Central Park 5. Or how the FBI tried to spread rumors about MLK to discredit him.
Or even broader things beyond race. Trump characterizing immigrants as rapists in order to drum up support for a border wall. Far-right German political parties making up stories about gangs of refugees raping German women to push their own political agendas. The UK is using "protecting women" as a justification to push out AI facial recognition cameras in public spaces. And yet no one gives a shit about Epstein and his associates, or dismantling the Catholic Church.
Or from the other angle, racists just love to portray their enemies as violent in all ways. We are seeing this used against black people in modern America, but you could point to early portrayals of native Americans, or the antisemitic concept of blood libel, or how Israeli politicians are characterizing all Palestinians as terrorists.
Human history is full of so much hatred and suffering. It's exhausting sometimes.
You are asserting that cuckolding is more prevalent than cuckqueaning without any data to support that. I happen to agree with you based on my own anecdotal experience. So I hope you'll forgive if I continue without trying to look up numbers.
I think the answer is racism. Black men are hypersexualized. Smarter people than me have written books on the subject, but the gist is that there's some overlap in America and related cultures between traits that are considered "black vs white" and traits that are considered "masculine vs feminine". For example, look at how transphobia, misogyny, and racism all combine into the conspiracy that Michelle Obama is trans. For white women, having pale skin has often been seen as attractive and feminine (although tanning complicates that as fashion trends change).
A lot of men are suppressing both their own homosexuality and their insecurity about their masculinity. These are two separate ideas: there is still a good amount of cuckolding porn without a "black bull", and there is a good amount of "BBC" porn without cuckolding. But the overlap is pretty significant, and that's where we see the trope the "black bull".
And in case it needs to be said... I don't mean to kink shame but i'm not sure either of these are healthy ones. Especially the racial part, because that causes issues with expectations for black men. This also has a tendency to portray women as prizes: valuable objects which the cuckold has lost, who lack their own agency, and are much more often white. This is also probably stoking the fears of "white replacement theory" that are leading Americans to fascism.
Cuckolding without a racial component is less problematic IMO. It could be seen as stepping a toe into bi-curiosity, or perhaps even a bit of asexuality.
As for why cuckqueaning is less prevalent... I think it it partially categorization, but also partially what we expect to see from porn. A woman dominating a submissive couple is probably not going to use the word "cuckquean", though it could. Plenty of FMF 3some porn where they all just have sex with each other and there is no "cuckquean" being forced to watch from the sideline.
For me personally i do not focus on the prostate. By that i mean that there is no target or goal, no pre-conceived notion of how I should feel. I find anal itself pleasurable- from teasing the taint, to just the tip, to full on fucking. On occasion I might be able to specifically focus on my prostate, but largely it is just part of a larger experience that is hard to identify.
Orgasms. Most of my anal experience has been in pursuit of cumming from anal-only, without any external stimulation. I have not succeeded yet. Typically I will start out without any touching my penis at all and focus solely on the anal part. I'll keep going until I start to get tired or bored and then masturbate. I have felt like I've gotten close on occasion with just anal. Some leaking, a couple times i may have has a mythical "dry orgasm", but never the full thing.
When I do cum, it is more difficult but also more intense, somewhat similar to using a cock ring. Often I will do what you describe on purpose- bring myself right up to the edge with penis stimulation, then stop and "coast" to the finish on just anal alone. The result is ejaculation of a thinner liquid. It feels... Good, but nowhere near a full orgasm. But I also will still be hard and horny and nly need a refractory period. So I will do that 2-3 times and then give myself a full orgasm, which will be all the more intense.
Patience. Pee first. There's a lot of other advice about dieting and douching I assume you've seen, but I also find it helpful to be dehydrated so I don't have to pee as much. I think I've spent up to 4 hours at it before- don't be afraid to take a break every 30 minutes or however often you need to go piss or shit. Stretch your legs and hips. Switch to a new toy. Add more lube.
4.Ritual. I apply this to a lot of sex, with partners or solo. Turn the lights down and to a color to suit the mood. Find some good music (I like various forms of instrumental synthwave/chillwave/vaporwave usually). I like to get high, usually by taking an edible because they usually last about 4 hours. Weed really helps me relax and get in the mood for it. And you should have a treat after: water, perhaps an alcoholic beverage, a meal or a baked good or something. Usually this tends to be part of days when my wife is away and this is part of me treating myself.
The smallest dose I could find cheaply at my local grocery store was 25mg, but I found I got naseaus taking that much so I cut them in half and took them for lunch for a while. Notable increase in volume, plus some added immunity benefits. Some nutritional experts will talk about the different forms of zinc and their bioavailability, and that may also be better, but for my purposes I found the cheap stuff was fine.
I've heard magnesium is similar, but I only take that as a muscle relaxer on occasion, never a daily supplement.
Your symptoms do remind me a bit of autistic burnout. The weird headache in particular- it almost feels like a speciifc piece of the brain is a very tired muscle that is cramping or something, much different from a aregukar headache.
My uneducated rule of thumb is that GAD usually involves feeling anxious without any apparent cause. The people I know with it say that they sometimes just feel anxious and don't know why. Just a bad day. So it is possible.
Anxiety needs to occur frequently for a long period of time, usually 6 months, to get diagnosed as GAD.
Most important for me is to isolate work. Company machine, company network, company VPN. Never log in to any personal account on that, more professional account on a personal device. I'm two completely separate people to every extent possible that way.
Personal vs porn is still separated, but not a huge deal. I'm an adult. Not just married, but in a polycule with other adults. They have friends who are adult content creators, and we believe in supporting the businesses of our friends.
I use separate Lemmy and Piefed accounts for a variety of reasons, but it's not to hide my consumption from anyone in my personal life. It's partially just so that I stay organized. It's nice to have other designers accounts where NSFW stuff is blocked so I can feel comfortable browsing and killing time in public. It's also because I don't want to be getting into an argument about politics or sports or videogames and having the person I'm arguing with dredging up my porn history. I saw other users have that happen years ago when I used Reddit and while it was funny to see, I'd rather avoid it.
Also a VPN is just a way of life. Pi-hole knocks out a ton of ads trackers too.
I have been using Connect for Lemmy for a long time. I was using LemmyNSFW before, and this is my first dip into PieFed.
Luckily Connect was already ahead of the game in PieFed support, and the Dev is considering changing the name at some point to reflect that. It seems like there was some sort of specific configuration thing with FediNSFW.app in particular that required an update- I had to join the Beta channel to get it to work. But now it works, and I can flip back-and-forth between my main Lemmy account and NSFW account easily in the same app.
Before I could get Connect to work I also used Interstellar. It seemed pretty good too, though I didn't use it much and didn't connect to Lemmy with it, just PieFed.
In my original comment I had typed up a couple of paragraphs about that and deleted them for that reason, but... Yeah. You could also point to more recent examples like thr Duke Lacrosse incident or the Central Park 5. Or how the FBI tried to spread rumors about MLK to discredit him.
Or even broader things beyond race. Trump characterizing immigrants as rapists in order to drum up support for a border wall. Far-right German political parties making up stories about gangs of refugees raping German women to push their own political agendas. The UK is using "protecting women" as a justification to push out AI facial recognition cameras in public spaces. And yet no one gives a shit about Epstein and his associates, or dismantling the Catholic Church.
Or from the other angle, racists just love to portray their enemies as violent in all ways. We are seeing this used against black people in modern America, but you could point to early portrayals of native Americans, or the antisemitic concept of blood libel, or how Israeli politicians are characterizing all Palestinians as terrorists.
Human history is full of so much hatred and suffering. It's exhausting sometimes.
You are asserting that cuckolding is more prevalent than cuckqueaning without any data to support that. I happen to agree with you based on my own anecdotal experience. So I hope you'll forgive if I continue without trying to look up numbers.
I think the answer is racism. Black men are hypersexualized. Smarter people than me have written books on the subject, but the gist is that there's some overlap in America and related cultures between traits that are considered "black vs white" and traits that are considered "masculine vs feminine". For example, look at how transphobia, misogyny, and racism all combine into the conspiracy that Michelle Obama is trans. For white women, having pale skin has often been seen as attractive and feminine (although tanning complicates that as fashion trends change).
A lot of men are suppressing both their own homosexuality and their insecurity about their masculinity. These are two separate ideas: there is still a good amount of cuckolding porn without a "black bull", and there is a good amount of "BBC" porn without cuckolding. But the overlap is pretty significant, and that's where we see the trope the "black bull".
And in case it needs to be said... I don't mean to kink shame but i'm not sure either of these are healthy ones. Especially the racial part, because that causes issues with expectations for black men. This also has a tendency to portray women as prizes: valuable objects which the cuckold has lost, who lack their own agency, and are much more often white. This is also probably stoking the fears of "white replacement theory" that are leading Americans to fascism.
Cuckolding without a racial component is less problematic IMO. It could be seen as stepping a toe into bi-curiosity, or perhaps even a bit of asexuality.
As for why cuckqueaning is less prevalent... I think it it partially categorization, but also partially what we expect to see from porn. A woman dominating a submissive couple is probably not going to use the word "cuckquean", though it could. Plenty of FMF 3some porn where they all just have sex with each other and there is no "cuckquean" being forced to watch from the sideline.
For me personally i do not focus on the prostate. By that i mean that there is no target or goal, no pre-conceived notion of how I should feel. I find anal itself pleasurable- from teasing the taint, to just the tip, to full on fucking. On occasion I might be able to specifically focus on my prostate, but largely it is just part of a larger experience that is hard to identify.
Orgasms. Most of my anal experience has been in pursuit of cumming from anal-only, without any external stimulation. I have not succeeded yet. Typically I will start out without any touching my penis at all and focus solely on the anal part. I'll keep going until I start to get tired or bored and then masturbate. I have felt like I've gotten close on occasion with just anal. Some leaking, a couple times i may have has a mythical "dry orgasm", but never the full thing.
When I do cum, it is more difficult but also more intense, somewhat similar to using a cock ring. Often I will do what you describe on purpose- bring myself right up to the edge with penis stimulation, then stop and "coast" to the finish on just anal alone. The result is ejaculation of a thinner liquid. It feels... Good, but nowhere near a full orgasm. But I also will still be hard and horny and nly need a refractory period. So I will do that 2-3 times and then give myself a full orgasm, which will be all the more intense.
4.Ritual. I apply this to a lot of sex, with partners or solo. Turn the lights down and to a color to suit the mood. Find some good music (I like various forms of instrumental synthwave/chillwave/vaporwave usually). I like to get high, usually by taking an edible because they usually last about 4 hours. Weed really helps me relax and get in the mood for it. And you should have a treat after: water, perhaps an alcoholic beverage, a meal or a baked good or something. Usually this tends to be part of days when my wife is away and this is part of me treating myself.
Taking zinc helps.
The smallest dose I could find cheaply at my local grocery store was 25mg, but I found I got naseaus taking that much so I cut them in half and took them for lunch for a while. Notable increase in volume, plus some added immunity benefits. Some nutritional experts will talk about the different forms of zinc and their bioavailability, and that may also be better, but for my purposes I found the cheap stuff was fine.
I've heard magnesium is similar, but I only take that as a muscle relaxer on occasion, never a daily supplement.
Your symptoms do remind me a bit of autistic burnout. The weird headache in particular- it almost feels like a speciifc piece of the brain is a very tired muscle that is cramping or something, much different from a aregukar headache.
My uneducated rule of thumb is that GAD usually involves feeling anxious without any apparent cause. The people I know with it say that they sometimes just feel anxious and don't know why. Just a bad day. So it is possible.
Anxiety needs to occur frequently for a long period of time, usually 6 months, to get diagnosed as GAD.
I have one of those mugs! Its my favorite mug!
All the time. Just had one on Friday, next is scheduled for Tuesday.
Most important for me is to isolate work. Company machine, company network, company VPN. Never log in to any personal account on that, more professional account on a personal device. I'm two completely separate people to every extent possible that way.
Personal vs porn is still separated, but not a huge deal. I'm an adult. Not just married, but in a polycule with other adults. They have friends who are adult content creators, and we believe in supporting the businesses of our friends.
I use separate Lemmy and Piefed accounts for a variety of reasons, but it's not to hide my consumption from anyone in my personal life. It's partially just so that I stay organized. It's nice to have other designers accounts where NSFW stuff is blocked so I can feel comfortable browsing and killing time in public. It's also because I don't want to be getting into an argument about politics or sports or videogames and having the person I'm arguing with dredging up my porn history. I saw other users have that happen years ago when I used Reddit and while it was funny to see, I'd rather avoid it.
Also a VPN is just a way of life. Pi-hole knocks out a ton of ads trackers too.
I have been using Connect for Lemmy for a long time. I was using LemmyNSFW before, and this is my first dip into PieFed.
Luckily Connect was already ahead of the game in PieFed support, and the Dev is considering changing the name at some point to reflect that. It seems like there was some sort of specific configuration thing with FediNSFW.app in particular that required an update- I had to join the Beta channel to get it to work. But now it works, and I can flip back-and-forth between my main Lemmy account and NSFW account easily in the same app.
Before I could get Connect to work I also used Interstellar. It seemed pretty good too, though I didn't use it much and didn't connect to Lemmy with it, just PieFed.