Why do you think cuckholding and wife sharing seems to be more prevalent than cuckqueaning and husband sharing? Can’t wait to see the hypotheses and perspectives. Thank you NSFW
My theory - and I believe I’ve posted this before - is that cuckolding is gaining popularity because more and more men are growing up watching men with huge dicks fuck women they couldn’t pull. I know plenty of women watch porn, but I suspect it’s more varied in nature and lower in frequency. Hence fewer women into this kind of thing.
That's a good hypothesis, but I think it's incomplete, since most people around the world have access to porn but being openly pro-cuckoldry is restricted to certain sections of the Western world. I think it has less to do with the frequency of porn watching delta and more with baseline psychological differences between men and women regarding sex plus ideological differences between the West and the world.
Thus males place more importance on sexual relationships and females place more importance on emotional relationships. Very reductionist. I have to review it again, but I wrote a paper on this in college.
(An edit while I'm still distracted in-game with some friends. The "importance" was in respect to relationship fidelity studies. I'm likely going to edit this again when I'm out of chat.)
Yeah the evolutionary angle makes sense. We don't tend to consider this stuff much now but the social norms of the past were kinda brought up for a reason. Your wife sleeping around would be quite the mess to deal with back in the day 🤭 Also it's interesting to consider stuff like chastity being very important to men but women finding pretty much the opposite, man who sleeps with other women is seen as more attractive. I read about guys wearing fake wedding rings while going out to pick up girls 🤭
I feel like there are too many sub varieties to truly answer this, like my answer involves the centering of a woman's pleasure, but I don't strictly consider myself a cuck either so grain of salt and all. I do like watching my partner with others, and don't have a drive to swing so much myself but I also don't consider it cheating and don't enjoy the thought of actual cheating, so I am perhaps between worlds when it comes to this. You mentioned wife sharing so I think my perspective fits there.
Stag/Vixen is my preferred dynamic, and for me it is largely because one of my primary fetishes is just simple lust. Society teaches that women can't and shouldn't experience or express lust. So what would be more taboo than a womans lust driving the breaking of other taboos? In my case those taboos manifest in a preference for casual encounters, strangers, dogging, exhibitionism, and similar scenarios. I can't stand racist/bully/humiliation stuff though, and I imagine it is because those taboos either center the cucks taboos, or are about breaking taboos that don't appeal to me.
Even in many of the scenarios that don't appeal to me the expression of lust from the wife is a huge part of the marketing. Many captions are about how much the women like this new arrangement, or can't go back to their husband because it was that good, or about how she never came like this before etc.
On the contrary, men are depicted as always lustful and frequently corruptible. Its so sickeningly default. A huge amount of porn centers that perspective already, and frankly it doesn't do a lot for me anymore. I think that is why cuckquean specific porn is less common. There is significant overlap with scenarios that have been done to death already.
So I think this genre of porn has come into vogue because
It breaks a primary social taboo
It caters to a variety of different taboos as subgenres
The female pleasure centered nature is less common and so more valued.
You are asserting that cuckolding is more prevalent than cuckqueaning without any data to support that. I happen to agree with you based on my own anecdotal experience. So I hope you'll forgive if I continue without trying to look up numbers.
I think the answer is racism. Black men are hypersexualized. Smarter people than me have written books on the subject, but the gist is that there's some overlap in America and related cultures between traits that are considered "black vs white" and traits that are considered "masculine vs feminine". For example, look at how transphobia, misogyny, and racism all combine into the conspiracy that Michelle Obama is trans. For white women, having pale skin has often been seen as attractive and feminine (although tanning complicates that as fashion trends change).
A lot of men are suppressing both their own homosexuality and their insecurity about their masculinity. These are two separate ideas: there is still a good amount of cuckolding porn without a "black bull", and there is a good amount of "BBC" porn without cuckolding. But the overlap is pretty significant, and that's where we see the trope the "black bull".
And in case it needs to be said... I don't mean to kink shame but i'm not sure either of these are healthy ones. Especially the racial part, because that causes issues with expectations for black men. This also has a tendency to portray women as prizes: valuable objects which the cuckold has lost, who lack their own agency, and are much more often white. This is also probably stoking the fears of "white replacement theory" that are leading Americans to fascism.
Cuckolding without a racial component is less problematic IMO. It could be seen as stepping a toe into bi-curiosity, or perhaps even a bit of asexuality.
As for why cuckqueaning is less prevalent... I think it it partially categorization, but also partially what we expect to see from porn. A woman dominating a submissive couple is probably not going to use the word "cuckquean", though it could. Plenty of FMF 3some porn where they all just have sex with each other and there is no "cuckquean" being forced to watch from the sideline.
4chan’s /b/ board has a thread pretty much daily for 20 years at this point, filled with pictures of black men with large penises and baiting text. (Obviously written by a white guy with a fetish, but pretending to be black with stuff like “jealous white boy?” etc. )
It’s gauche to be mentioning Emmett Till on a porn board, but you can’t divorce the obsession with black men fucking their wives/girlfriend from the fact that many black men were horrifically tortured and murdered on the accusation that someone fucked (or even whistled at) a white woman.
Another aspect is that cuckolding is more sexually transgressive than cuckqueening, in the same way that polygyny has always been more common than polyandry.
It’s gauche to be mentioning Emmett Till on a porn board
In my original comment I had typed up a couple of paragraphs about that and deleted them for that reason, but... Yeah. You could also point to more recent examples like thr Duke Lacrosse incident or the Central Park 5. Or how the FBI tried to spread rumors about MLK to discredit him.
Or even broader things beyond race. Trump characterizing immigrants as rapists in order to drum up support for a border wall. Far-right German political parties making up stories about gangs of refugees raping German women to push their own political agendas. The UK is using "protecting women" as a justification to push out AI facial recognition cameras in public spaces. And yet no one gives a shit about Epstein and his associates, or dismantling the Catholic Church.
Or from the other angle, racists just love to portray their enemies as violent in all ways. We are seeing this used against black people in modern America, but you could point to early portrayals of native Americans, or the antisemitic concept of blood libel, or how Israeli politicians are characterizing all Palestinians as terrorists.
Human history is full of so much hatred and suffering. It's exhausting sometimes.
Thank you so far for the comments. These are all great food for thought. I especially find it interesting that men are the ones more willing to share their wife, when traditionally it’s been that men are more possessive of their spouse. Also men tend to have far more ego/pride so it’s interesting to see the progression of men being ok that someone fucked their wife. Great discussion. Let’s keep it up.
Maybe it's a natural impulse of more members of Western society than you think. 🤔
TBF though, I was gonna say "I don't think it's being pushed or anything" but there have been new terms like "open relationship" (an oxymoron if I've ever seen one) and "polycule/polyamory", and thousands of articles positively speaking about them, all over Anglo internet so maybe you're not wrong either...
I don't doubt that there are people who legit enjoy that sort of stuff, and I'm just a dumb guy on the internet. But the sudden rise in people wanting to see their wives get fucked by other men seems odd, maybe it was there all along, who knows. But it also seems like a way to have people questioning their beliefs about women, and how they are all whores or whatever. Most people who dabble in polyamory don't have the stomach for it, and it usually just ends up in disaster, which leads men to listen to Joe Rogan for advice, and well...
Same reason that everyone's fucking their stepsister.
Some guy said down below it's because more people are becoming cucks because they're watching porn, I think it's the opposite.
A lot of dudes are probably living vicariously through the "bull" as a form of wish fulfilment. That in turn makes it so more staged cuck porn crops up.
As for why there are more cucks answer is they've always been around and in turn more normalized than they used to be.
More fetishes including cucking are becoming less stigmatized which lets people more comfortably experiment.
So it's not that there are more cucks, well there are, it's more like there's less vanilla people, the laws of supply and demand, on top of people being less closeted about their kinks.
i think it's important to codify this answer as much as possible - what everyone else has said seems to be correct to some extent. So to tidy up the thesis:
Cucking is big right now because of porn. This reasoning works for any of the three participants; a woman is likely to be introduced to the concept through porn, and decide she likes the idea, her partner will be taking part because he enjoys being cucked, and the "bull" will be taking part because he enjoys cucking, from seeing it in porn.
Porn is more popular with men than women. Women genuinely just aren't as drawn to porn as men; and when they are, they're drawn to stories; and if they weren't, the selection of visual porn for straight women is crap.
I believe those two are the important things.
Other stuff mentioned in this thread, i'll add my own thoughts where i feel like it:
Specifically sexualisation of black men drives the biggest part of this. [drawing from @Molag_Baller@lemmynsfw.com 's comment] You might also see older couples invite a young man in "as a treat." But I don't think there's any concept of a "more nubile/feminine/sexy" demographic of woman who will "steal your man." We're getting there with how latinas are talked about on the internet so let's revisit this in 5 years.
Part of the allure is the "risk" to women, e.g pregnancy [drawing from @AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 's comment] - I'd also add "going particularly hard, taking a larger phallus than usual" to the list. Some people seem to be turned on by the risk of STDs, which is just one of a few reasons i really don't like cucking, myself.
To some extent, porn is "designed" - porn is primarily distributed and produced by big companies which stick it the same old tricks, and even if you watch old porn it has the exact same tropes, set-ups, fundamental storylines. You might identify this as a propoganda campaign, 'specially as it comes off as so repetetive. [drawn from @deezcashews@fedinsfw.app 's comment] - I agree, and think it's a reasonable assumption to say that porn exists to demoralise us. But if that doesn't make sense to you, you can also think of it as a business doing the same stuff because it's less creative work for them; they have no idea if cuckqueening videos will ever sell as much as cuck-king-ing videos. Or maybe they already see that they don't perform as well.
Regarding OP's own comment: It's true that men are traditionally more possessive of their spouse, but interestingly, the word "cuckhold" is medieval in origin, and is targeted at men. Cuckqueen is a new word. I think this indicates that men are prone to enjoying "sharing" their wives, but christian culture came into conflict with that and made it more taboo than it would have been before. A writer I've read many books by is Ken Follet and he explores the idea of medieval cuckoldry in his books about Kingsbridge.
How I see it is, guys are more possessive/territorial about their partners so this leaves a larger opening for it to be fetishized, if that makes sense. Women don't really feel that way as much, so it doesn't really push any buttons for them to get cucked? On social media you can read stuff about situationships and many women sleep with men they find attractive but the man doesn't see them as relationship worthy and is just keeping the girl on a roster. For a man it would be considered cucked to be in that position but for women it doesn't seem to work that way? Obviously porn plays a large role too 🤭 I think it's not a controversial take to say watching bald guys fuck chicks you find hot will have an effect on your "interests"
21 Comments
ricguy91@fedinsfw.app · 6 pts · 4d
My theory - and I believe I’ve posted this before - is that cuckolding is gaining popularity because more and more men are growing up watching men with huge dicks fuck women they couldn’t pull. I know plenty of women watch porn, but I suspect it’s more varied in nature and lower in frequency. Hence fewer women into this kind of thing.
But what do I know?
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 4d
That's a good hypothesis, but I think it's incomplete, since most people around the world have access to porn but being openly pro-cuckoldry is restricted to certain sections of the Western world. I think it has less to do with the frequency of porn watching delta and more with baseline psychological differences between men and women regarding sex plus ideological differences between the West and the world.
AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 4d
Evolutionary Psychology. Guys can't get pregnant.
Thus males place more importance on sexual relationships and females place more importance on emotional relationships. Very reductionist. I have to review it again, but I wrote a paper on this in college.
(An edit while I'm still distracted in-game with some friends. The "importance" was in respect to relationship fidelity studies. I'm likely going to edit this again when I'm out of chat.)
tantricgooner@fedinsfw.app · 3 pts · 4d
Yeah the evolutionary angle makes sense. We don't tend to consider this stuff much now but the social norms of the past were kinda brought up for a reason. Your wife sleeping around would be quite the mess to deal with back in the day 🤭 Also it's interesting to consider stuff like chastity being very important to men but women finding pretty much the opposite, man who sleeps with other women is seen as more attractive. I read about guys wearing fake wedding rings while going out to pick up girls 🤭
sluttyWizard@fedinsfw.app · 4 pts · 3d
I feel like there are too many sub varieties to truly answer this, like my answer involves the centering of a woman's pleasure, but I don't strictly consider myself a cuck either so grain of salt and all. I do like watching my partner with others, and don't have a drive to swing so much myself but I also don't consider it cheating and don't enjoy the thought of actual cheating, so I am perhaps between worlds when it comes to this. You mentioned wife sharing so I think my perspective fits there.
Stag/Vixen is my preferred dynamic, and for me it is largely because one of my primary fetishes is just simple lust. Society teaches that women can't and shouldn't experience or express lust. So what would be more taboo than a womans lust driving the breaking of other taboos? In my case those taboos manifest in a preference for casual encounters, strangers, dogging, exhibitionism, and similar scenarios. I can't stand racist/bully/humiliation stuff though, and I imagine it is because those taboos either center the cucks taboos, or are about breaking taboos that don't appeal to me.
Even in many of the scenarios that don't appeal to me the expression of lust from the wife is a huge part of the marketing. Many captions are about how much the women like this new arrangement, or can't go back to their husband because it was that good, or about how she never came like this before etc.
On the contrary, men are depicted as always lustful and frequently corruptible. Its so sickeningly default. A huge amount of porn centers that perspective already, and frankly it doesn't do a lot for me anymore. I think that is why cuckquean specific porn is less common. There is significant overlap with scenarios that have been done to death already.
So I think this genre of porn has come into vogue because
Lemmyseeplease@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3d
Well thought out response. Thank you so much. I may tempted to pick your brain a bit sometime if that’s ok.
sluttyWizard@fedinsfw.app · 2 pts · 3d
Absolutely!
Molag_Ballee@fedinsfw.app · 3 pts · 4d
You are asserting that cuckolding is more prevalent than cuckqueaning without any data to support that. I happen to agree with you based on my own anecdotal experience. So I hope you'll forgive if I continue without trying to look up numbers.
I think the answer is racism. Black men are hypersexualized. Smarter people than me have written books on the subject, but the gist is that there's some overlap in America and related cultures between traits that are considered "black vs white" and traits that are considered "masculine vs feminine". For example, look at how transphobia, misogyny, and racism all combine into the conspiracy that Michelle Obama is trans. For white women, having pale skin has often been seen as attractive and feminine (although tanning complicates that as fashion trends change).
A lot of men are suppressing both their own homosexuality and their insecurity about their masculinity. These are two separate ideas: there is still a good amount of cuckolding porn without a "black bull", and there is a good amount of "BBC" porn without cuckolding. But the overlap is pretty significant, and that's where we see the trope the "black bull".
And in case it needs to be said... I don't mean to kink shame but i'm not sure either of these are healthy ones. Especially the racial part, because that causes issues with expectations for black men. This also has a tendency to portray women as prizes: valuable objects which the cuckold has lost, who lack their own agency, and are much more often white. This is also probably stoking the fears of "white replacement theory" that are leading Americans to fascism.
Cuckolding without a racial component is less problematic IMO. It could be seen as stepping a toe into bi-curiosity, or perhaps even a bit of asexuality.
As for why cuckqueaning is less prevalent... I think it it partially categorization, but also partially what we expect to see from porn. A woman dominating a submissive couple is probably not going to use the word "cuckquean", though it could. Plenty of FMF 3some porn where they all just have sex with each other and there is no "cuckquean" being forced to watch from the sideline.
freeusething@fedinsfw.app · 5 pts · 4d
4chan’s /b/ board has a thread pretty much daily for 20 years at this point, filled with pictures of black men with large penises and baiting text. (Obviously written by a white guy with a fetish, but pretending to be black with stuff like “jealous white boy?” etc. )
It’s gauche to be mentioning Emmett Till on a porn board, but you can’t divorce the obsession with black men fucking their wives/girlfriend from the fact that many black men were horrifically tortured and murdered on the accusation that someone fucked (or even whistled at) a white woman.
Another aspect is that cuckolding is more sexually transgressive than cuckqueening, in the same way that polygyny has always been more common than polyandry.
Molag_Ballee@fedinsfw.app · 3 pts · 4d
In my original comment I had typed up a couple of paragraphs about that and deleted them for that reason, but... Yeah. You could also point to more recent examples like thr Duke Lacrosse incident or the Central Park 5. Or how the FBI tried to spread rumors about MLK to discredit him.
Or even broader things beyond race. Trump characterizing immigrants as rapists in order to drum up support for a border wall. Far-right German political parties making up stories about gangs of refugees raping German women to push their own political agendas. The UK is using "protecting women" as a justification to push out AI facial recognition cameras in public spaces. And yet no one gives a shit about Epstein and his associates, or dismantling the Catholic Church.
Or from the other angle, racists just love to portray their enemies as violent in all ways. We are seeing this used against black people in modern America, but you could point to early portrayals of native Americans, or the antisemitic concept of blood libel, or how Israeli politicians are characterizing all Palestinians as terrorists.
Human history is full of so much hatred and suffering. It's exhausting sometimes.
Lemmyseeplease@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d
Thank you so far for the comments. These are all great food for thought. I especially find it interesting that men are the ones more willing to share their wife, when traditionally it’s been that men are more possessive of their spouse. Also men tend to have far more ego/pride so it’s interesting to see the progression of men being ok that someone fucked their wife. Great discussion. Let’s keep it up.
deezcashews@fedinsfw.app · 3 pts · 4d
I think it's a propaganda campaign to weaken western society
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d
Maybe it's a natural impulse of more members of Western society than you think. 🤔
TBF though, I was gonna say "I don't think it's being pushed or anything" but there have been new terms like "open relationship" (an oxymoron if I've ever seen one) and "polycule/polyamory", and thousands of articles positively speaking about them, all over Anglo internet so maybe you're not wrong either...
deezcashews@fedinsfw.app · 2 pts · 4d
I don't doubt that there are people who legit enjoy that sort of stuff, and I'm just a dumb guy on the internet. But the sudden rise in people wanting to see their wives get fucked by other men seems odd, maybe it was there all along, who knows. But it also seems like a way to have people questioning their beliefs about women, and how they are all whores or whatever. Most people who dabble in polyamory don't have the stomach for it, and it usually just ends up in disaster, which leads men to listen to Joe Rogan for advice, and well...
Sordid_Seraphim@fedinsfw.app · 2 pts · 3d
Same reason that everyone's fucking their stepsister.
Some guy said down below it's because more people are becoming cucks because they're watching porn, I think it's the opposite.
A lot of dudes are probably living vicariously through the "bull" as a form of wish fulfilment. That in turn makes it so more staged cuck porn crops up. As for why there are more cucks answer is they've always been around and in turn more normalized than they used to be.
More fetishes including cucking are becoming less stigmatized which lets people more comfortably experiment. So it's not that there are more cucks, well there are, it's more like there's less vanilla people, the laws of supply and demand, on top of people being less closeted about their kinks.
magn418@fedinsfw.app · 2 pts · 4d
It's probably because most porn is from a male perspective. Because the audience is mainly male as well.
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 3d
i think it's important to codify this answer as much as possible - what everyone else has said seems to be correct to some extent. So to tidy up the thesis:
I believe those two are the important things.
Other stuff mentioned in this thread, i'll add my own thoughts where i feel like it:
Regarding OP's own comment: It's true that men are traditionally more possessive of their spouse, but interestingly, the word "cuckhold" is medieval in origin, and is targeted at men. Cuckqueen is a new word. I think this indicates that men are prone to enjoying "sharing" their wives, but christian culture came into conflict with that and made it more taboo than it would have been before. A writer I've read many books by is Ken Follet and he explores the idea of medieval cuckoldry in his books about Kingsbridge.
Lemmyseeplease@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3d
Wow! Thank you for summing it all up. There have been some really great thoughts on this. It’s been fascinating and informative.
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 3d
No problem, I think if I was, say, a sex academic - or even just a sociologist - i would want to investigate the topic of cucking.
Lemmyseeplease@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 3d
You could write your thesis on it. Not a dry pair of thighs in the audience.
magn418@fedinsfw.app · 1 pts · 4d
tantricgooner@fedinsfw.app · 1 pts · 4d
How I see it is, guys are more possessive/territorial about their partners so this leaves a larger opening for it to be fetishized, if that makes sense. Women don't really feel that way as much, so it doesn't really push any buttons for them to get cucked? On social media you can read stuff about situationships and many women sleep with men they find attractive but the man doesn't see them as relationship worthy and is just keeping the girl on a roster. For a man it would be considered cucked to be in that position but for women it doesn't seem to work that way? Obviously porn plays a large role too 🤭 I think it's not a controversial take to say watching bald guys fuck chicks you find hot will have an effect on your "interests"