Thank you. It's good to hear from a parent that respects boundaries and independence. I'm starting to realize how abnormal my parents' behaviour is, especially at their age.
I appreciate it. I've now spent months being happy and productive on my own. As as soon they attempt to contact me again, all of the nonsense comes flooding back and I feel terrible for days. It's a pretty clear sign that no-contact is just better for me in many ways.
Thanks. I'll try to be clear first. It may come down to blocking, but I hope it doesn't have to. I'd just feel mean about it, especially towards the younger family members who are being recruited to contact me. They don't know any better, but my parents should.
Thank you. Yeah, I think I'm still learning this lesson. My autistic brain wants to solve things for people. It's especially frustrating because I know the solutions I've suggested (couples counseling, individual therapy) would help them tremendously, and they've now repeatedly ignored them.
I think I realize now the contact attempts are effectively them asking me to help solve their problems again, because they're not taking that responsibility on their own.
Thanks very much for this thoughtful answer. Sorry for my late reply, I just happened to get busy shortly after making the post.
You have a lot of insightful points and it is surprising to see so much overlap with someone else's life. This is exactly the kind of experience I was hoping to learn from. I've come across the Adult Children book a few times, but never got around to reading it. I think it's about time I do, clearly.
I'm still reflecting on many of the points you mentioned, and I think I'll come back to read it again in a few days, because I'm realizing now that the recent persistent contact attempts that caused me to write this post also put me into a rumination mode that takes me a while to work through.
Thanks again, it's really super comforting to hear someone validate my concerns in such detail.
Thank you. I know what you mean, and it's helpful to have someone acknowledge that it's unacceptable. I've tried to gently communicate with one family member already, but that hasn't really worked, and I really don't want to have drawn-out conversations about this with multiple cousins. It's already exhausting. I'll have to be more direct this time.
Thanks. I think you're right in that they seem to want forgiveness without responsibility or consequence. They aren't actually ready to talk about the root cause, they just want me to put it behind us. I have no desire to do that.
Intuitively this makes sense when you consider old-growth trees that have survived for hundreds of years. It's not difficult to revere those old trees in some way. The broader ethical implications are difficult though. If you have a sapling of the same species, then surely it should be given the same reverence since it could well be an old tree in the distant future. So perhaps there is a continuum of rights based on expected life-time of a plant? What is the natural lifespan of a crop plant, or a legume?
There is a decent fraction of vegetarians and vegans who eventually land on Antinatalism, though their focus is usually based on the sentience of human and non-human animals that have a capacity for suffering, not just life. However, perhaps sentience is still the crux of this concern. If an old-growth tree is felled due to an earthquake, it is still tragic but there wasn't an intentional decision responsible for its death. So maybe Antinatalism also resolves this dilemma indirectly.
Hello GenZ. I'm an old dude. If you are interested in reading more about this topic, I'd suggest looking up "antinatalism" and the philosopher David Benatar.
Thank you. It's good to hear from a parent that respects boundaries and independence. I'm starting to realize how abnormal my parents' behaviour is, especially at their age.
I appreciate it. I've now spent months being happy and productive on my own. As as soon they attempt to contact me again, all of the nonsense comes flooding back and I feel terrible for days. It's a pretty clear sign that no-contact is just better for me in many ways.
Thanks. I'll try to be clear first. It may come down to blocking, but I hope it doesn't have to. I'd just feel mean about it, especially towards the younger family members who are being recruited to contact me. They don't know any better, but my parents should.
Thank you. Yeah, I think I'm still learning this lesson. My autistic brain wants to solve things for people. It's especially frustrating because I know the solutions I've suggested (couples counseling, individual therapy) would help them tremendously, and they've now repeatedly ignored them. I think I realize now the contact attempts are effectively them asking me to help solve their problems again, because they're not taking that responsibility on their own.
Thanks very much for this thoughtful answer. Sorry for my late reply, I just happened to get busy shortly after making the post.
You have a lot of insightful points and it is surprising to see so much overlap with someone else's life. This is exactly the kind of experience I was hoping to learn from. I've come across the Adult Children book a few times, but never got around to reading it. I think it's about time I do, clearly.
I'm still reflecting on many of the points you mentioned, and I think I'll come back to read it again in a few days, because I'm realizing now that the recent persistent contact attempts that caused me to write this post also put me into a rumination mode that takes me a while to work through.
Thanks again, it's really super comforting to hear someone validate my concerns in such detail.
Thank you. I know what you mean, and it's helpful to have someone acknowledge that it's unacceptable. I've tried to gently communicate with one family member already, but that hasn't really worked, and I really don't want to have drawn-out conversations about this with multiple cousins. It's already exhausting. I'll have to be more direct this time.
Thanks. I think you're right in that they seem to want forgiveness without responsibility or consequence. They aren't actually ready to talk about the root cause, they just want me to put it behind us. I have no desire to do that.
Thank you. It's useful to have an example of that kind of response. I'll try being direct.
Thank you. Yes, I don't think they should get a pass for being family if they are harming my mental health.
Intuitively this makes sense when you consider old-growth trees that have survived for hundreds of years. It's not difficult to revere those old trees in some way. The broader ethical implications are difficult though. If you have a sapling of the same species, then surely it should be given the same reverence since it could well be an old tree in the distant future. So perhaps there is a continuum of rights based on expected life-time of a plant? What is the natural lifespan of a crop plant, or a legume?
There is a decent fraction of vegetarians and vegans who eventually land on Antinatalism, though their focus is usually based on the sentience of human and non-human animals that have a capacity for suffering, not just life. However, perhaps sentience is still the crux of this concern. If an old-growth tree is felled due to an earthquake, it is still tragic but there wasn't an intentional decision responsible for its death. So maybe Antinatalism also resolves this dilemma indirectly.
Hello GenZ. I'm an old dude. If you are interested in reading more about this topic, I'd suggest looking up "antinatalism" and the philosopher David Benatar.