Lemmings who write but never share your writings: How is it going?

I had a Kafkaesque writing crisis recently. I was close to destroying 25 years of writing, because no one's interested and what's the point etc. I was so worn down that my writing just seemed like garbage. Maybe that's why no one's interested, I thought. As I tried to build the courage to destroy it all, I began to see it all in a sharper focus. It was good writing. So I'm satisfied with it on that level. I tend to write about life in the grey areas, where regular language doesn't do it justice. I usually write every day, but I'm taking a break so as to break my ingrained writing habits, create new ones, keep things fresh. I would like for people to "find out about it", but at this point, I'm also OK if no one does.

I’ve spent the last 8 years writing my magnum opus about a back alley horse who is best friends with a mosquito and they travel the countryside solving low level crimes like jaywalking and public swearing.

Are you satisfied with your writing?

Nope, which is another motivation to try to do better. Beside the relentless desire to write, I mean.

How often do you write?

Daily.

What is it about?

Some attempts at fiction (short stories and plays, for the most part). A mix of philosophy/sociology/history. Journaling, too.

Do you dream of people finding out about it eventually?

Nope. I just don't think it's interesting enough (nor good enough). Also, since I don't publish it anywhere and since it's not even stored on a computer (I write longhand, using actual pen and paper, or I type on a good old typewriter), there is very little chance for it to be accidentally leaked online.

I write fanfiction and have a modest 250+ following. I never thought it would amount to much, but it's been several years, and my followers are invested enough at this point that I keep going.

Mostly short stories based on a single "what if" concept. Like, "What if everyone in the world had to have a unique name?" That may not be the premise of the story, but it factors into the characters and the world building and the story goes from there. Most of the stories don't really "go" anywhere, but that's not the point. The point is to spend a day in a world where the "what if" concept is true and see what society, people, and life is like.

The setting is usually ambiguously Earth but it's never stated nor that they're even humans or what time period. That gives it a lot of leeway.

It's mostly just a creative outlet / thought exercises so I don't even save half of them when I'm done.

:::spoiler Examples From the Example "What If" For the "What if everyone in the world had to have a unique name?" example, the short story had the following elements:

• Surnames / family names quickly became extinct since they were found to be redundant.
• Different cultures in that world implemented the unique name requirement differently:
  • Some kept the family names but combined it with a unique name as a suffix. e.g. SmithFriendlyGame, SmithSoccerFan
  • Some went with just number designations. e.g. 12345
  • Most came up with brand new words when a child is born e.g. Fluginary
  • Other cultures did something similar to "What 3 Words" does for locations by combining 3 or 4 ordinary words. e.g. BashfulCarpetTree
  • Families could register specific naming conventions which could only be used by that family. Prestigious families could would add numbers to the family name with the patriarch/matriarch of the line being "0" or "first of their name". If someone was Smith47, it meant they were directly descended from the Smith.
• The uniqueness requirement included not reusing names of those who have died. e.g. There could only be one "John" ever, for example. All mentions of "John" would only refer to that individual.
  • Because of that requirement, heirloom jewelry became popular in this world to make up for not being able to honor a loved one by naming your child after them.

:::

I should get back into it. I come up with tons of ideas but they never make it past conception stage. Although there are elements that never change, so I suppose those ideas are somewhat solid.

I have several stories that I'm working on. When one is hitting a slump, I move to one of the others. This results in reasonably productive sessions, as I always have something I can add to. So if I conjure a nice sentence, metaphor, or similar, I usually have somewhere I can fit it.

As for others finding it.. meh. I write for my own enjoyment. I write the way I cook: I do my own thing, because I know what I like. Once others are involved, there's too much hazzle. I have three stories that recently passed 100k word count, and I would dread having to deal with editors, marketing, and everything else that doesn't simply involve world building or putting letters on a page. And most of all: Readers.

Once upon a time I made a few music pieces I created available to the general public, and I could run into a complete stranger who would tell me that they'd heard my stuff and liked/hated it. That was reasonably fine, but most people kept assuming I made it for something beyond the fun of making it in the first place. In short, feedback complicates the entire creative process. I learned my lesson. My writing stays with me.

But what I can share, are the (working)titles:

• The Galway Project
• Daniel
• Suborbital

...just assume they're about your favorite subject, and that they're the funniest/scariest/most exciting stories you've ever read, and that the author died 200 years ago.

redacted

I'd love to write you an expansion, but...

I guess you could call it political theory? Philosophy maybe? I don’t really know. It’s in early stages and it will probably take me years to cover the whole gamut of topics my point of view covers but I hope to start publishing essays soon. My very naive hope is that someone will discover it and pay me to write the rest. Though they would have to be very foolish people, since I would do it for free anyways!

I write quite regularly. Mostly for myself. Some time ago I did start a web novel but stopped the work on it. Now I've picked it up again and my goal is to rewrite that thing, finish it and post the end product on said site. That's one project I've been working on.

1. Sometimes
2. A mix. Maybe influences would give a better clue - Shirley Jackson, Peter Straub, Giosuè Carducci, Henry James, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Hilary Mantel.
3. Daily, except when I don't want to.
4. Already have.

Ok

Technically I do share it with the world, since I did upload some of my writings to my website. But the website itself was actively shared with only a few people. I'm not satisfied with my writings, but I'm satisfied with writing as a hobby.

I'm a terrible writer, but I love to get my thoughts and feelings out in form of fictional stories. Unintentionally they seem to be pessimistic, suicidal and pretentious, I think, as one friend keeps telling me that they are so deep and full of meaning. Only a few exceptions were good enough to get her to discuss the actual topics.

I write irregularly in recent times. Since I currently work on my first novel(s), I spend more time on outlining.

It used to be my dream to become a writer / screenwriter. Now I wouldn't want that, even if I was good. At best, I would make an anonymous physical copy of my first novel(s), but then again, that seems like a huge waste.

I recently started a blog about AI. I just double checked and both articles are sitting comfortably at 0 views, which is a relief. I blog to practice writing technical guidance for my new lead position starting next month.

But having anyone reading or paying attention to what I write is anxiety-inducing for me. I post anonymously and I prefer sites like Lemmy where no one can follow me. Having an audience means engagement is judgment. "Oh last post I got 5 likes and this one only got three. Two people think my post is garbage!"

Having anyone reading my writing would be bad, but it would be affirming to find my own words cited anonymously out in the wild.