Congratulations! You're now the proud owner of the Cursed Fork of Missile Attraction!
Every ranged attack targeting you has advantage which cannot be negated by anything until you break the curse at the next "Y-INTERSECTION" 🙄 several days out of your way
Make them roll a strength check and and on a natural 19 or 20 an extreme random act of fate allows them to pick up the fork in the road. It also tears a hole open in the prime material plane fucking their current objective sideways.
Unfortunately you are not strong enough to lift the fork in the road.
What! Oh my god Magic Fork!
What? No it's just a normal fork in the road.
I must have been hit by some kind of weakness magic.
No, you've been hit by stupid.
De-intelligence magic? But why would that effect my strength? Unless I'm so dumb I think I'm stronger than I am, an I actually a fairy? We have to find a wizard to turn me back.
Yeah let's throw away my novel I wrote for this and go off on some random Bs side quest.
Anyways, my actual first DM session — everyone loved the memes. Like the classic “hitting a gazebo with a sword” one. The meme they really liked was the “forever DM,” so everyone was joking like, “Not me, you have to come back from vacation just to DM!” etc.
I, on the other hand, jumped at the opportunity to be DM. I had no idea what I was doing. When I was designing the enemies, I was a bit annoyed that our regular DM’s encounters were so easy, so I thought I needed to get a gauge on how much damage they could take before dying.
So, I invented a boss. What it was — was a creature that, when you hit it with a sword, would psychically protect itself. I knew my meme-loving players couldn’t resist hitting it, since that was the meme of the week.
They had no idea it was the gazebo.
So the gazebo kept spawning more and more enemies. I waited until they were almost dead so I could see how much they could take. My initial plan was to wait until they were entirely dead, but they started getting angry that my first session was about to be a TPK.
So I gave them a hint to kill the gazebo. They didn’t understand what I was doing, and I got some very strong pointers about the encounter being too hard. The rest of the night was... a bit bitter.
I hope you like the beautiful punctuation you hypocrites just made AI take my job
"you pick up the concept of a forking road, reaching into the fabric of reality and ripping it asunder grants you a mercifully swift death as the narrative underpinning your existence unravels and the DM thwacks your motive spirit over the head with a giant inflatable hammer."
22 Comments
thenextguy@lemmy.world · 68 pts · 326d
"When you get to the fork in the road, take it."
inlandempire@jlai.lu · 51 pts · 326d
Roll for initiative
aeronmelon@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 326d
“Why?”
“Because it’s a mimic.”
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 40 pts · 326d
Lyra_Lycan@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 38 pts · 326d
psud@aussie.zone · 2 pts · 320d
I am disappointed that that isn't a 3d cross-eyed pair of pictures
MNByChoice@midwest.social · 33 pts · 326d
Oh no! It is a mimic! Roll for initiative.
visc@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 326d
“You now have a fork in the road. Add it to your inventory.” “Do you mean a fork?” “No.”
krooklochurm@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 324d
This would be my take.
Make them roll a strength check and and on a natural 19 or 20 an extreme random act of fate allows them to pick up the fork in the road. It also tears a hole open in the prime material plane fucking their current objective sideways.
stupidcasey@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 326d
Role a strength check
Unfortunately you are not strong enough to lift the fork in the road.
What! Oh my god Magic Fork!
What? No it's just a normal fork in the road.
I must have been hit by some kind of weakness magic.
No, you've been hit by stupid.
De-intelligence magic? But why would that effect my strength? Unless I'm so dumb I think I'm stronger than I am, an I actually a fairy? We have to find a wizard to turn me back.
Yeah let's throw away my novel I wrote for this and go off on some random Bs side quest.
Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 324d
Watch what happens when the party encounters a gazebo.
stupidcasey@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 324d
Lol, that reminds me of my first DM session ...
Anyways, my actual first DM session — everyone loved the memes. Like the classic “hitting a gazebo with a sword” one. The meme they really liked was the “forever DM,” so everyone was joking like, “Not me, you have to come back from vacation just to DM!” etc.
I, on the other hand, jumped at the opportunity to be DM. I had no idea what I was doing. When I was designing the enemies, I was a bit annoyed that our regular DM’s encounters were so easy, so I thought I needed to get a gauge on how much damage they could take before dying.
So, I invented a boss. What it was — was a creature that, when you hit it with a sword, would psychically protect itself. I knew my meme-loving players couldn’t resist hitting it, since that was the meme of the week.
They had no idea it was the gazebo.
So the gazebo kept spawning more and more enemies. I waited until they were almost dead so I could see how much they could take. My initial plan was to wait until they were entirely dead, but they started getting angry that my first session was about to be a TPK.
So I gave them a hint to kill the gazebo. They didn’t understand what I was doing, and I got some very strong pointers about the encounter being too hard. The rest of the night was... a bit bitter.
I hope you like the beautiful punctuation you hypocrites just made AI take my job
krooklochurm@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 324d
PERIODS. Use them. And paragraphs. Please and thank you.
SeductiveTortoise@piefed.social · 17 pts · 326d
I don't wanna fork on the road. I wanna fork in the bed.
acockworkorange@mander.xyz · 6 pts · 325d
You better not fork in the road, you son of a beach!
Deceptichum@quokk.au · 12 pts · 325d
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 325d
I cast magic missile at the darkness!
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 325d
Snowpix@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 326d
DM: "Why are you skanking...?"
lemmyng@piefed.ca · 8 pts · 326d
"The fork rejects your advances."
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 325d
oh no! it's the cursed fork of splitting!
Moxie_empathizer@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 325d
Reminds me of "dungeon crawler carl."
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 318d
"you pick up the concept of a forking road, reaching into the fabric of reality and ripping it asunder grants you a mercifully swift death as the narrative underpinning your existence unravels and the DM thwacks your motive spirit over the head with a giant inflatable hammer."
tio_bira@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 325d
Uncle Sheo is spreading the fork of horrirpillation around the kingdoms again...