Health Experts Warn Americans Not Sensually Eating Enough Fruit

https://theonion.com/health-experts-warn-americans-not-sensually-eating-enough-fruit/

94 points · 13 comments · view on lemmy.world

13 Comments

BarbedDentalFloss@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 13 pts · 219d (4 replies)

Best I can do is drink a smoothie made from frozen berries because nothing is really in season right now

owenfromcanada@lemmy.ca · 14 pts · 219d (2 replies)

You just gotta work it. Treat that straw in ways that would make your parents ashamed of you.

BarbedDentalFloss@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 11 pts · 219d

By the time I'm done with that smoothie they'll wish they sent me to conversion camp

fartographer@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 218d

Gets immediate brain freeze from snorting a smoothie

reallykindasorta@slrpnk.net · 3 pts · 219d

Have you tried sprinkling some nutmeg in it? Game changer

njm1314@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 219d (2 replies)

I tongue fucked an olive earlier, does that count?

plm00@lemmy.ml · 8 pts · 219d

Botanically yes. Culinarily no.

fibojoly@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 218d

Practice makes perfect! Mlemlemlemlem 👅🫒

LillyPip@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 219d (3 replies)

Given the state of the government and the US CDC, I’ve been eating so many onions, I have an ulcer now.

e0qdk@reddthat.com · 5 pts · 219d (2 replies)

...battered and fried in beef tallow? :p

LillyPip@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 219d (1 reply)

Hey, I was already sensually eating junk food.

Seriously, though, I would not put it past this CDC to try to sell me some bullshit woo about how activating endorphins whilst eating fruit unlocks some quantum vitamins or something.

Am I crazy or does that sound within the realm of possibility for them?

e0qdk@reddthat.com · 4 pts · 219d

I don't know if they'd say that specifically -- but you're not alone in having trouble telling real announcements from satire!

Mrselfdestruct25@lemmynsfw.com · 4 pts · 219d

You should see me eat a banana.

can@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 219d
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