I don't understand how anything works.

Just chill out and talk. If you don't get stuff, ask. Decent people will explain stuff to you, especially if they know you legitimately struggle with it.

You’re doing it. It does not get easier.

From my understanding as someone who is also neurodivergent, "normal" people seem to be born with an instruction manual built into their brains that lets them socialize without much trouble. Those of us with autism/ADHD/etc were not born with this instruction manual so we have to figure these things out by trial and error.

I'm 36 years old and still learning some things said or actions can be construed as a faux pas. It helps to run it by a close friend who understands you, like "hey, I want to say this to that person, do you think it would come off weird or is it okay?"

I do that a lot with my partner, and it helps.

Whenever you enter a new (sub-)culture, you have to learn the social norms. Some people have an easier time, others have a harder time. There's not much advice we can give you, since every culture is different. Some value privacy, others openness and honesty. Some communicate stuff via head nods, others by how far you stand away, and others by pitching the tone of their voices.

You will learn too, but it will take lots of exposure and trying. Some people will dislike you for not understanding, others will be forgiving. How much you should make allowances and whether it makes sense to tell them that you are autistic depends on their specific culture and personalities. So, uh, good luck.

note: (sub-)culture here does not mean only the nation you're in, but it can change group-to-group. Essentially it's the vibe that a group has.

Might as well ask on !autism@lemmy.world

From my experience, people with autism tend to take everything they hear at face value, so it takes time to understand when what's being said isn't literal. Some jokes fly over my head, some of my jokes make "no sense" to people around me, I'm often seen as rude for being too straight to the point.

So, what you need is friends that are understanding. What's obvious to them might not be to you and vice versa.

Check out the netflix show "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt." If you talk to someone who has seen it, you can make references to it that will land very well as jokes to help you break the ice. Make friends with them and they will be a safe context for you to share your insecurities about things you don't understand, and they will help you.

Don't overdo it with using lines from that one show though. Just once or twice per person.

I relate.