IMPORTANT PSA FOR PARENTS

Be sure to bless your kids EVERY TIME they sneeze even when they sneeze a bunch of times within only a little while and it gets extremely annoying

My dad would only ever bless me the first time and then he'd say "okay now you're just looking for attention" and then he wouldn't bless me for the rest of my sneezes and that's how I got the Gay in me because the Devil snuck in

The lady at church told me this and that's how come I know it's true

#blessyourkidseverytimes


::: spoiler Alt Text:
IMPORTANT PSA FOR PARENTS

Be sure to bless your kids EVERY TIME they sneeze even when they sneeze a bunch of times within only a little while and it gets extremely annoying

My dad would only ever bless me the first time and then he'd say "okay now you're just looking for attention" and then he wouldn't bless me for the rest of my sneezes and that's how I got the Gay in me because the Devil snuck in

The lady at church told me this and that's how come I know it's true

#blessyourkidseverytimes
:::

152 points · 16 comments · view on lemmy.world

16 Comments

Almacca@aussie.zone · 26 pts · 150d

It's the only possible explanation.

Tikiporch@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 150d

Praise baby Jesus for alt text adherents.

protist@retrofed.com · 12 pts · 150d (1 reply)

I told my son "gesundheit," and now he only eats sauerkraut and goose steps everywhere

besmtt@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 150d

We started saying that too!

Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 150d

I remember in one of the Coloured Fairy Books https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Langs%27_Fairy_Books and I'm not going to try to find which one, there was a story where a kid was hanging out with the fairies and they went to a house and his in the thatch. They sprinkled pepper on the daughter so she'd sneeze. "If she sneezes 3 times without a bless-you, we can steal her!" She does twice, no blessings. On the 3rd sneeze the kid yells BLESS YOU at the top of his lungs, the fairies scatter and she's saved. So at the very least, I make sure nobody is stolen by the fairies. Colored or otherwise. Consent matters.

Asafum@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 150d

They really need to teach this in biblical biology class. It's a well established fact that saying bless you stops the devil from penetrating your nose and making you catch the gays.

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 8 pts · 150d

Other than snot from my nose, the only thing that might possibly escape from my body due to a sneeze is diarrhea if my tummy hurts.

workerONE@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 150d (3 replies)

Also remember that Christian Rock is the only type of music you should listen to

CaptainSpaceman@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 150d

"Youre not making Christianity better, youre making Rock worse." - Lewis Black

DeadDigger@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 150d (1 reply)

What's with gospel?

workerONE@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 150d
[ removed ]
OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 150d

I was about 19 when my dad only said bless you ONCE after i sneezed TWICE over a 5 second period. It was probably about 2 days later when i could not stop sucking cock.

wraekscadu@vargar.org · 6 pts · 150d

#blessyourkidneystones

imadethis@fedinsfw.app · 5 pts · 150d (1 reply)

That's silly, OP. Everyone knows that after the third sneeze (and 'bless you!'), you need to start cursing them. Otherwise they'll lose too much bad stuff and become enraptured by the good, losing all will and will be enraptured by what's above them, whether vagina, penis, or light bulbs. It's how the bisexuals are created, and we need people to help preserve the delicate balance between the various types. Too many bisexuals and the whole world will collapse.

DokPsy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 150d

I tell people they only get two. I'm not encouraging that behavior

_tasten_tiger@feddit.org · 5 pts · 150d

Wer dreimal niest ist dumm

sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 150d

STUNT ON THESE HOES TherapyGary!! ✊️