Crumb
c/nottheonion · by silence7@slrpnk.net · 142d

President, Extremely Normal Brain-Wise: Pope Weak On Crime, Also I’m Dr. Jesus Christ

https://defector.com/president-extremely-normal-brain-wise-pope-weak-on-crime-also-im-dr-jesus-christ?giftLink=1a5025ed13aa86d2aac5b92e3fda881b

402 points · 18 comments · view on lemmy.world

18 Comments

tomiant@piefed.social · 70 pts · 142d (2 replies)

Pope weak on crime just killed me

GENUINELY the village idiot is the ruler of the world. It's straight up like from some medieval Arabian folk tale or some shit

Can someone help give Humpty Dumpty a push off the ledge?

limonfiesta@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 142d

Weak on crime Pope is easily in the top 10 of all-time Trump bangers.

scarabic@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 142d

Is he talking about the Catholic Church shielding pedo priests? Because that would be the height of hypocrisy.

homes@piefed.world · 37 pts · 142d (6 replies)

He's the Pope, not Batman, dumbass

iThinkDifferentThanU@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 142d (2 replies)
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village604@adultswim.fan · 25 pts · 142d

Batman killed a bunch of henchmen. He just didn't kill the person ordering them around. Which is on par with him being a billionaire.

homes@piefed.world · 5 pts · 142d

🤔

Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 142d (1 reply)

I remember when the popes used to wear spandex and whip around rooftops and kill demons. They are soft now.

Why have a popemobile if you're not going to skid it into a crime scene and throw some cross shaped scabbards at some sinning motherfuckers? It's a waste.

homes@piefed.world · 6 pts · 142d

Maybe he does? The Vatican is pretty clean and crime-free…

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 142d

no no, the pope has super powers like pope beams and pope lightning

homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 142d (1 reply)

This brings me to what is for my money the funniest part of this whole not-actually-funny thing: a sentence from the journalist Peter Baker's New York Times article about the question of Trump's brain. (Emphasis mine.)

While the country has had presidents whose capacity came under question before, most recently the octogenarian Joseph R. Biden Jr. as he aged demonstrably before the public's eyes, never in modern times has the stability of a president been so publicly and forensically debated—and with such profound consequences.

As the New Yorker has its famed two-step, this is a classic Timesmaneuver: carefully sidestepping the tricky commitments of describing reality—What if somebody suspects that I think things???—and reporting only that people have opinions. "Forensically debated"! Signs and wonders.

Ah yes, truly that is the news. Not that Donald Trump is demented and out of touch with reality; nor that by absolutely any definition of "stability" he is at best mid-collapse right now; nor that multiple times per day, he says and does things that are plainly and utterly disqualifying in the position he holds. The story is that people are debating whether any of that is true.

U7826391786239@piefed.zip · 9 pts · 142d
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homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 142d (3 replies)

A little while after deleting the post from his social account, Trump staged a press event at the White House in which he had two bags of McDonald's food delivered to him by a lady wearing a red T-shirt with the words "Doordash Grandma" on the front. Look man, all I can do is describe these things. I am not responsible for the world being like this.

They staged this stunt to promote ‘no tax on tips’. Which is what everyone is all interested to discuss obviously. Why “grandma” is next to a company logo on the press conference (i mean, Tesla, yeah obvs but doordash?) . . . Unknown.

otp@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 142d (2 replies)

The impression I got is that she was "internet famous" as DoorDash Grandma already

homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 142d (1 reply)

From https://www.jefftiedrich.com/p/doctor-jesus-heals-donnys-dementia

here’s the deal with this ‘Door Dash Granny.’ her name is Sharon Simmons, and she got flown into DC from her home in Fayetteville, Arkansas, to appear in Donny’s dog-and-pony show.

she’s actually got a pretty grim story. this poor woman had to take up being a DoorDash driver in order to make ends meet after her husband ran up medical bills due to treatment for cancer.

the lesson we’re supposed to take away from this bogus White House photo-op is that because Big Benevolent Dear Leader got rid of taxes on tips, Sharon Simmons was able to save eleven grand on her tax bill — and yay, Donny, you’re the hero of the working class!

the real lesson here is that we live in a shithole country where any of us could get thrown into bankruptcy in a hot second because of a medical emergency — and if it happens to you, you’re expected to try to make ends meet by working your ass off in a shitty piecemeal gig-economy job.

Simmons, a grandmother of 10, began working as a Dasher in 2022 to earn income while maintaining a flexible schedule. Since then, she has completed more than 14,000 deliveries.

fourteen thousand deliveries in three-plus years — that sounds fucking idyllic, doesn’t it? this woman has ten grandchildren. she should be enjoying their company, not racing around town trying to beat the clock so she can make as many deliveries as possible and come home exhausted.

what in the actual fuck?

but instead of doing anything meaningful to solve the problem of crushing medical debt, Donny stages some useless stunt and preens for the camera. problem solved, Sharon — now get the fuck out of Dear Leader’s sight.

otp@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 141d

God damn.

I mean, God bless America?...

sibannac@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 142d

So does "weak on crime" mean the pope turned down a request to call for a crusade?

Janx@piefed.social · 6 pts · 142d (2 replies)

I'm not Catholic, but you know he's an apolitical religious leader, not in charge of any crime-fighting group, right!?

fist_of_fartitude@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 142d

he's an apolitical religious leader

He's literally the absolute monarch of a theocratic state.

Damage@feddit.it · 11 pts · 142d

Well, he is an head of state as well...

atropa@piefed.social · 1 pts · 140d
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