Your butthole hurts, but the doctor is like a long drive and it'd be a whole affair to go there. What's your move?

Telepresence appointment with the Dr. Start immediately with your butthole in the camera instead of your face.

Bonus points if you pull at it like Jim Carrey as you talk.

Hemorrhoid Inflatable Seat Cushion, Inflatable Round Cushion

Brand: Elsavct

$21.95

https://www.fruugoaustralia.com/hemorrhoid-inflatable-seat-cushion-inflatable-round-cushion-seat-ring/p-247868524-534668808

head to the nearest CostCo, loudly yell if there is a doctor, when they approach, show them and ask them what do.

Ask your mom to take her dick out of it.

Sitz bath (in a plastic bin on the floor lmao cause who wants to keep special equipment for that)

Sounds like it needs a massage!