Yeah, I can agree with this. Mine died about 2 years ago. He didn’t even call to let his own children know he was sick. I had not talked to him for over 25 years and he chose not to reach out when I almost died in a car crash 13 years ago. I finally feel like I can visit my home state without the anxiety of running into him and the woman he cheated with and abandoned his family for.
I am happy for all the folks who have good dads though. Please give those good guys an extra hug from us ladies who had shitty dads.
Mine died while we were talking on the phone. He had been rushed to the hospital (hiding how bad his cancer was), went into cardiac arrest, got revived, called me and said hello and asked how I was. I asked how he was and he said okay, normal voice. That was it.
As a father I can say that your Dad only wanted you to be happy no matter what, not to suffer a single day but we can't protect you from everything. I'll also need to go at some point and leave my kids behind and it pains me that I won't be able to spare them from that day.
My dad suddenly died a few weeks ago. We didn't have a relationship, though I tried a few times over the years. Definitely going thru grief, but I think a lot of it is grieving what I never got to have.
I feel you, my Dad is still here but I grew up without him and when I realized it's not a time you can make up for I grieved for the time we lost. I'm going to make sure mine don't go through the same thing.
Foxy that's really sad news. You never got the dad you deserved, all kids deserve supportive parenting and you didn't get that. Him dying has got to bring things up, and it's no surprise you're grieving what you never got to have. Don't forget you can reach out here whenever you want to... you may find !dadforaminute@lemmy.world helpful too ❤️
He's not malicious but he's not warm and fuzzy. He's very short sighted and he has done hurtful things towards my mother, which in turn made my childhood a bit unstable(cheated on my mother, divorce when I was 8, got back together when I was 17, cheated again). He tries to do nice things for me and my brother but it's when he thinks about it.
I'm sure a lot of people would take that over what they have though.
Middle isn't great but isn't horrendous either. Instability isn't good for anyone especially a child, and it sounds like there's a lot of disruption with it. It's far from ideal
Does it count when you grieve the version of your dad you thought you had. Like my dad was a good father at times and taught us good values but is completely homophobic and conservative. He kicked me out when I came out. I mourned the relationship would never be the same with both parents.
My dad passed away when I was 10, in late April of 2014. Been 13 years of not having him for father’s day. Don’t remember what we even did for most of those few fathers days I got with him, just a blur for me.
I try to stay off the internet for most of the day and distract myself so I don’t spend the entire day crying. Doesn’t work very well, still end up crying for a good chunk of the day. Just wish I got one more Father’s Day with him.
Mine was an alcoholic and died when I was 19 because of it, but had already been kicked out the house for a few years prior. He was an okay dad I guess in as much that he never hit or yelled at me and tried to get me things I wanted, he was just always drunk. I know he was a shitty husband to my mom. They fought a lot.
I wish I had the chance to have an adult relationship with my dad.
My dad died 5 years ago. He was not a perfect man, but he was good. He loved his kids more than anything. He died because of a medical procedure that he was too scared to tell us the details about. I miss him a lot. He never got to know that he had a second daughter, but i am certain he would have loved and supported me through my transition.
31 Comments
echo@lemmy.today · 24 pts · 70d
The world became a slightly better place when my dad died.
quinacridone@mander.xyz · 15 pts · 70d
Ooof what an epitaph
I never realised how 'normal' my family were until I met my bf and his horrendous mother and brothers
It takes a lot of pain for a person to finally go no contact, or be relieved when a family member finally dies
There are far too many shitty parents and siblings out there
I hope you're still having a good day today, because he's not here
echo@lemmy.today · 14 pts · 70d
Thank you, I am. I have two wonderful (now adult) children and can at least give my dad credit for teaching me what kind of father not to be.
Seleni@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 70d
Some people cause joy wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 70d
I hear you mate. Ability to reproduce doesn't make someone a good parent and the world is better off without some people. I'm sorry he was like that
echo@lemmy.today · 5 pts · 69d
thank you
dkppunk@piefed.social · 2 pts · 69d
Yeah, I can agree with this. Mine died about 2 years ago. He didn’t even call to let his own children know he was sick. I had not talked to him for over 25 years and he chose not to reach out when I almost died in a car crash 13 years ago. I finally feel like I can visit my home state without the anxiety of running into him and the woman he cheated with and abandoned his family for.
I am happy for all the folks who have good dads though. Please give those good guys an extra hug from us ladies who had shitty dads.
echo@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 68d
Ugh... sorry you had to deal with that. :(
dkppunk@piefed.social · 1 pts · 68d
🫂 hugs for you too
Beth@piefed.social · 20 pts · 70d
Mine died while we were talking on the phone. He had been rushed to the hospital (hiding how bad his cancer was), went into cardiac arrest, got revived, called me and said hello and asked how I was. I asked how he was and he said okay, normal voice. That was it.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 70d
Heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Beth@piefed.social · 9 pts · 70d
It was. Thank you.
avg@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 70d
As a father I can say that your Dad only wanted you to be happy no matter what, not to suffer a single day but we can't protect you from everything. I'll also need to go at some point and leave my kids behind and it pains me that I won't be able to spare them from that day.
Beth@piefed.social · 7 pts · 70d
True stuff. I can’t deny that he came back from the dead and I was the person he called, lol. So that’s a privilege no one else got.
FoxyFerengi@startrek.website · 14 pts · 70d
My dad suddenly died a few weeks ago. We didn't have a relationship, though I tried a few times over the years. Definitely going thru grief, but I think a lot of it is grieving what I never got to have.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 70d
I’m sorry for your loss. Both for what you didn’t have and for reality.
FoxyFerengi@startrek.website · 7 pts · 70d
Thank you 💜
avg@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 70d
I feel you, my Dad is still here but I grew up without him and when I realized it's not a time you can make up for I grieved for the time we lost. I'm going to make sure mine don't go through the same thing.
LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 70d
Foxy that's really sad news. You never got the dad you deserved, all kids deserve supportive parenting and you didn't get that. Him dying has got to bring things up, and it's no surprise you're grieving what you never got to have. Don't forget you can reach out here whenever you want to... you may find !dadforaminute@lemmy.world helpful too ❤️
GhostFace@lemmy.today · 9 pts · 70d
It's in the middle.
He's not malicious but he's not warm and fuzzy. He's very short sighted and he has done hurtful things towards my mother, which in turn made my childhood a bit unstable(cheated on my mother, divorce when I was 8, got back together when I was 17, cheated again). He tries to do nice things for me and my brother but it's when he thinks about it.
I'm sure a lot of people would take that over what they have though.
LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 70d
Middle isn't great but isn't horrendous either. Instability isn't good for anyone especially a child, and it sounds like there's a lot of disruption with it. It's far from ideal
RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 70d
Thanks. He's rubbish.
Aneb@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 70d
Does it count when you grieve the version of your dad you thought you had. Like my dad was a good father at times and taught us good values but is completely homophobic and conservative. He kicked me out when I came out. I mourned the relationship would never be the same with both parents.
oxysis@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 7 pts · 70d
My dad passed away when I was 10, in late April of 2014. Been 13 years of not having him for father’s day. Don’t remember what we even did for most of those few fathers days I got with him, just a blur for me.
I try to stay off the internet for most of the day and distract myself so I don’t spend the entire day crying. Doesn’t work very well, still end up crying for a good chunk of the day. Just wish I got one more Father’s Day with him.
Meatwagon@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 70d
Mine was an alcoholic and died when I was 19 because of it, but had already been kicked out the house for a few years prior. He was an okay dad I guess in as much that he never hit or yelled at me and tried to get me things I wanted, he was just always drunk. I know he was a shitty husband to my mom. They fought a lot.
I wish I had the chance to have an adult relationship with my dad.
LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 70d
Alcohol can be so destructive and it's helpless watching someone drink. It's a shame you never got the chance with him
RavindraNemandi@ttrpg.network · 4 pts · 70d
My dad died 5 years ago. He was not a perfect man, but he was good. He loved his kids more than anything. He died because of a medical procedure that he was too scared to tell us the details about. I miss him a lot. He never got to know that he had a second daughter, but i am certain he would have loved and supported me through my transition.
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 70d
I loved my father. He was also a fucking idiot.
racoon@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 70d
How does it feel to have a father..?
Griffus@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 69d
Relax, it's only US-ian fathers day, you can wait until November to mourn the Scandic one.
Pandantic@midwest.social · 2 pts · 69d
Mine just got diagnosed with stage 4 metastasized cancer so...