You don't question my professional decision-making unless you bring receipts to the table. If you're going to try to vibe-argue me in my area of expertise I will fucking dismantle you publicly. Bring receipts and I will listen.
Fluxx is loads of fun! And if you mean "story games" I've got FATE, Spark (and its descendants) and StoryEngine on my shelf (some of the very few games that I have physical copies of).
I love this. I'm the same being in regulatory services. I get talked down to a lot by different sexes and cultures because I'm POC and female. They can try to take me down, but I dish it out just as hard if not harder, and with a smile.
A good sweet smile while you rip out their guts and hang them as garlands around their neck (metaphorically speaking … mostly) is really good for generating fear.
100%. I read somewhere that at 7 seconds, the silence becomes really awkward and more often than not, someone will break the silence. My ass of a director uses silence as a tool to get information from people.
I used it back on him, and we had a staring contest. He doesn't stop to chat anymore. Most definitely a win for me. He was a manipulative, backstabbing POS.
Reminding myself that I am also a person with needs, that are just as important to have met. More so, in fact, than everyone else's, because I won't be filling anyone's needs if I keep driving myself into the ground.
i want to get back into dating and a boundary i want to establish, which ive struggled with in the past, is that i am nonmonogamous and im not going to change or compromise that for anyone. i told my last partner im nonmonogamous before we started, and they were accepting initially but after a while they started adding conditions that basically amounted to them approving my other partners and my partners partners and so on or they wouldnt have sex with me anymore. they pretty much forced me to choose between them and nonmonogamy, and that amoung other things eventually ended the relationship, but i unfortunately chose them for a while over my own feelings.
i know nonmonogamy is not widely accepted in society generally, but it really sucked getting that from another queer person who claimed to be accepting and to care about my feelings. im very opposed to the implicit ownership people assume over their romantic partners and dont want to participate in it at all. it might still be a struggle for me to establish that boundary, that this is who i am and i wont be with someone who cant accept it, but i really want to.
I'm in a relationship that for much of its duration was quasi-open. (COVID-19 put a bit of a crimp into the open parts, and SO and i have settled into something that is de facto monogamous, but not by inclination, more by practicality.) And yes, it's really hard to get other people to accept that. The notion that people can love and have relationships outside of a state- or religion-sanctioned relationship baffles people.
Definitely establish that boundary. Make it clear and ideally find someone who shares your standards, not just "accepts" them. You need someone who bellyfeels what you feel.
I went no contact with my Mom. Our relationship has never really been good, when I was 4 she left my dad who got primary custody of me and my siblings. From then on I only stayed with her every other weekend. At first I was super excited to spend time with her but that dwindled quickly as she spent most of that time drinking with her friends or drinking alone. She often drove with me in the car while drunk which scared me a lot and she got a few DUIs to the point she got a breathalyzer installed in her car. That didn't stop her though as she would just have me or my siblings blow into it so she could continue drinking and driving. This was consistent my entire childhood. There was even one night when she was plastered and trying to tell me that my dad never wanted me, I was 10 at the time, I don't even think she remembers that night but I sure do. I have a lot of trauma from her drinking which made it difficult for me to be around people drinking for awhile, I'm past it now but it took a lot of time.
She always described me as her golden child too since I never got in trouble so she "never had to worry about me" which is true because she never really thought about me it feels like.
When I was in my twenties she actually cut back on drinking which I was very happy about but we still didn't really know each other that much. I also came out as trans during this time to which I got the "I need to mourne the loss of my son" treatment which sucks to hear because I had finally stopped feeling depressed and suicidal when I came out so I was very happy while she would rather me be depressed again.
The final straw for me was learning she voted for Trump. Not only am I a trans woman but I was also a federal worker and my wife works at a predominantly immigrant elementary school. I just cant handle how much her decisions have hurt me over my life and I wanted it to stop. So I just blocked her and refused to talk with her anymore. Her last words to me was that I would understand one day why she voted for Trump and that everything would be better because of him.
The worst is she's having health issues and just had heart surgery and now I feel terrible that I am not there for her despite the fact she's never been there for me.
Sorry I know its really long but I really needed to vent about this.
The feeling of guilt even though you know you have set a reasonable boundary is intense. There is a incredible social power to the assumption that you owe your parents something, even if they fall to meet every responsibility of parenthood. I feel the same way with my dad.
19 Comments
ZDL@lazysoci.al · 21 pts · 70d
You don't question my professional decision-making unless you bring receipts to the table. If you're going to try to vibe-argue me in my area of expertise I will fucking dismantle you publicly. Bring receipts and I will listen.
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 14 pts · 70d
ZDL@lazysoci.al · 12 pts · 70d
I'm ... ah ... in old-timey terms Kinsey 2. I think the kiddies would call me "pan".
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 70d
ZDL@lazysoci.al · 6 pts · 70d
Well, SO and I have very strict rules about bringing new people into the relationship.
Do you play tabletop games? RPGs, board games, card games?
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 70d
ZDL@lazysoci.al · 4 pts · 70d
Fluxx is loads of fun! And if you mean "story games" I've got FATE, Spark (and its descendants) and StoryEngine on my shelf (some of the very few games that I have physical copies of).
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 70d
StickyDango@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 70d
I love this. I'm the same being in regulatory services. I get talked down to a lot by different sexes and cultures because I'm POC and female. They can try to take me down, but I dish it out just as hard if not harder, and with a smile.
ZDL@lazysoci.al · 5 pts · 70d
A good sweet smile while you rip out their guts and hang them as garlands around their neck (metaphorically speaking … mostly) is really good for generating fear.
StickyDango@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 70d
Especially when they tell me to smile... I wrap them around my own neck. 😘☠️
StickyDango@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 70d
I'm going to share two really big ones for me that I'm still struggling with:
Saying no and saying it firmly.
Oversharing. No is no, and I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. If an awkward silence follows, then it's them and not me.
velma@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 70d
This one is so hard and so important! I also struggle with this. It's on them and not you :)
StickyDango@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 70d
100%. I read somewhere that at 7 seconds, the silence becomes really awkward and more often than not, someone will break the silence. My ass of a director uses silence as a tool to get information from people.
I used it back on him, and we had a staring contest. He doesn't stop to chat anymore. Most definitely a win for me. He was a manipulative, backstabbing POS.
LavaPlanet@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 70d
Reminding myself that I am also a person with needs, that are just as important to have met. More so, in fact, than everyone else's, because I won't be filling anyone's needs if I keep driving myself into the ground.
applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 14 pts · 70d
i want to get back into dating and a boundary i want to establish, which ive struggled with in the past, is that i am nonmonogamous and im not going to change or compromise that for anyone. i told my last partner im nonmonogamous before we started, and they were accepting initially but after a while they started adding conditions that basically amounted to them approving my other partners and my partners partners and so on or they wouldnt have sex with me anymore. they pretty much forced me to choose between them and nonmonogamy, and that amoung other things eventually ended the relationship, but i unfortunately chose them for a while over my own feelings.
i know nonmonogamy is not widely accepted in society generally, but it really sucked getting that from another queer person who claimed to be accepting and to care about my feelings. im very opposed to the implicit ownership people assume over their romantic partners and dont want to participate in it at all. it might still be a struggle for me to establish that boundary, that this is who i am and i wont be with someone who cant accept it, but i really want to.
ZDL@lazysoci.al · 9 pts · 70d
I'm in a relationship that for much of its duration was quasi-open. (COVID-19 put a bit of a crimp into the open parts, and SO and i have settled into something that is de facto monogamous, but not by inclination, more by practicality.) And yes, it's really hard to get other people to accept that. The notion that people can love and have relationships outside of a state- or religion-sanctioned relationship baffles people.
Definitely establish that boundary. Make it clear and ideally find someone who shares your standards, not just "accepts" them. You need someone who bellyfeels what you feel.
YoureHotCupCake@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 69d
I went no contact with my Mom. Our relationship has never really been good, when I was 4 she left my dad who got primary custody of me and my siblings. From then on I only stayed with her every other weekend. At first I was super excited to spend time with her but that dwindled quickly as she spent most of that time drinking with her friends or drinking alone. She often drove with me in the car while drunk which scared me a lot and she got a few DUIs to the point she got a breathalyzer installed in her car. That didn't stop her though as she would just have me or my siblings blow into it so she could continue drinking and driving. This was consistent my entire childhood. There was even one night when she was plastered and trying to tell me that my dad never wanted me, I was 10 at the time, I don't even think she remembers that night but I sure do. I have a lot of trauma from her drinking which made it difficult for me to be around people drinking for awhile, I'm past it now but it took a lot of time.
She always described me as her golden child too since I never got in trouble so she "never had to worry about me" which is true because she never really thought about me it feels like.
When I was in my twenties she actually cut back on drinking which I was very happy about but we still didn't really know each other that much. I also came out as trans during this time to which I got the "I need to mourne the loss of my son" treatment which sucks to hear because I had finally stopped feeling depressed and suicidal when I came out so I was very happy while she would rather me be depressed again.
The final straw for me was learning she voted for Trump. Not only am I a trans woman but I was also a federal worker and my wife works at a predominantly immigrant elementary school. I just cant handle how much her decisions have hurt me over my life and I wanted it to stop. So I just blocked her and refused to talk with her anymore. Her last words to me was that I would understand one day why she voted for Trump and that everything would be better because of him.
The worst is she's having health issues and just had heart surgery and now I feel terrible that I am not there for her despite the fact she's never been there for me.
Sorry I know its really long but I really needed to vent about this.
Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 69d
The feeling of guilt even though you know you have set a reasonable boundary is intense. There is a incredible social power to the assumption that you owe your parents something, even if they fall to meet every responsibility of parenthood. I feel the same way with my dad.