Is men wanting anal considered a red flag? NSFW

I think most women have had a bad experience with it, there's a lot of prep involved to do it where it doesn't hurt, also you need to clean in there unless you want the chance of poop.

So it's not really something you do on a whim, in my experience at least.

Wanting anal is fine, talking about what they want is good, being pushy even after the other has refused is a red flag.

As other commenters have already pointed out: It should always be consensual and well planned. Men that rush or force anal sex on a partner aren't showing red flags for wanting anal sex, but for other reasons.

As someone who has a lot of casual sex, I do get worried when a guy mentions anal. It’s not the act itself that is a “red flag” but just that it’s depressingly common for it to continue coming up after that first “no.” It does take me back to the multiple times I have had a guy try the “oops wrong hole!” maneuver which occasionally does just turn into rape. It does absolutely ruin the moment/knock me out of my headspace when a guy asks during sex (especially after he’s already been told no), because it’s really scary when you are in that situation where they can just rape you.

Anal can feel good for someone with “female anatomy” but it takes more work to get there. There’s no prostate so there’s no direct sexual stimulation. Most people with vaginas don’t even orgasm from vaginal penetration! Most cis women also don’t tend to have a lot of experience with the prep work needed to have a good time/have spent time figuring out what feels good.

I personally am not a huge fan of it, despite wanting to like it. I have a couple of guys who have begged me for more than a year at this point and it’s the type of thing that I would be delighted to do if it didn’t feel so awkward and uncomfortable for me (and I literally had someone use me as an ash tray last night). I know it can be enjoyable - the only time a guy has made me orgasm by fucking me was anally - but you have to be a lot more slow and careful than many guys I’ve met seem to be capable of going. If your stereotypical dude bro can’t find a clitoris, how likely is he going to be gently figuring an asshole in the way it needs to get comfortable with it?

It is also associated with degradation/pain. Consider the popularity of subreddits like r/painal. It’s not uncommon in feminist circles to view heterosexual anal sex as nothing but a painful humiliation ritual - that there is nothing pleasurable about it and it is often painful. That works as symbolism of a lot of the problems surrounding stereotypical heterosexual sex dynamics (sex as something wanted by men and tolerated by women)

I’ll say the fact that you fuck yourself anally (and are open about it) would probably cancel out a lot of those red flags. You don’t view being penetrated anally as inherently degrading and painful, you know that it can be pleasurable if done correctly, and you know to not just jam it in! There’s a joke where a woman says she’ll do anal if she gets to top first, but there’s a lot of truth to it - it’s considered good practice in BDSM communities for tops to experience the they do to their subs first.

(Also, not telling you to creep on transgender women, but I’m sure you can find many of them do enjoy penetrative anal sex.)

Reddit dating stories can be summed up as partner does anything and everyone in the comments says it's a red flag and to break up immediately 🤭 don't take that stuff at face value and think for yourself. Anal sex is a kink like any other and there's men and women who enjoy it(or don't)

Thinking about people in groups like "straight women" or "straight men" in a personalised context like dating is pretty silly because you're not gonna be dating some distilled average straight woman but a person who has her own preferences, character, etc etc. This is why all these reddit dating stories ultimately don't amount to anything more than making people more neurotic. It's true some girls are gonna be put off by you wanting anal. Someone else might be really into it tho. It's that simple.

Nope, it's a sexual fetish like any other.

Anal is one of those things that people get obsessed with. Obsession never works well in a relationship because it becomes so single sided that the other person feels dehumanized unless a shit ton of effort is put in not to. And, guess what, obsessives rarely put in that work, they just want their fix.

Since the issue is usually with a man wanting anal from a woman in the situation you describe, the specifics make it even thornier. First, anal takes work for anyone to take. But women lack the prostate, and thus have to rely on direct stimulation of the anus via penetration for the act itself to be pleasurable. That isn't always possible to begin with. But when you've got someone pressuring you via begging or just plain preference, it gets difficult to keep one's mental game ready to maximize that.

Then, a lot of anal obsessed men don't actually know shit about fucking an ass. All that prep, the techniques to maximize pleasure while minimizing discomfort, that takes more attention than most people are willing to give when they're busy trying to chase their obsession. So they're bad at it. Thus, women that have tried it very rarely have a good experience, so they get put off of it, even when they find a guy that isn't obsessed and is just willing to.

Part of the problem stems from circumcision and/or poor sexual information as well. Part of why men I particular get obsessed with anal is the "tightness". It's a more intense sensation (at least until the receptive partner relaxes and begins enjoying it, because at that point it isn't actually "tight" any more).

See, without instruction or guidance, young people (boys and girls) run into the trouble that achieving one's first orgasm can be difficult. There's a learning curve. The way a lot of people end up bypassing that curve is called death grip. Girls do it too, though it isn't a literal grip. But it's increasing pressure and speed to be maximum stimulation.

Circumcised boys have the unfortunate extra complication that one of the most sensitive parts of the penis is missing. And, not only that, the part missing keeps the other most sensitive parts moist and healthy. Without the foreskin, the glans gets dry. It can keratinize, thicken. This reduces sensitivity further. Sometimes to the point that orgasm is actually impossible without extreme stimulation.

So you end up with guys not knowing how to orgasm without pounding the hell out of their dick. Applying that degree of energy into someone's ass isn't going to end well unless the recipient is into that, and most people aren't. Even when people are, they tend to have learned to enjoy it rather than liking it from the first.

That's why a lot of women, (not just hetero, though full on homosexual may still run into the issue less) see it as a red flag when a guy is into anal beyond a casual level. Most men that are that into it tend to be pretty fucking insufferable.

I’m not sure about red flags but I’d say if there are a few others and that one comes up that might be something to think about. I’ve personally never understood it. Sure, it feels good but there’s prep involved, you usually can’t go too fast and need to be careful. It’s just not a good alternative to regular vaginal sex. So from my experience it does make more sense that it’s more like what you said especially if they keep nagging about doing it.