Really shit. I've been struggling for weeks with awful depression. I'm not sure what caused it. Might need to up my meds. I don't like me and wish I could be someone else.
I started creative writing again, a gritty Cyberpunk noir / sapphic romance / thriller set in 2062. I've loved the games over the years, so it's been fun getting into the history between Cyberpunk Red and 2077.
I want to feel more than self loathing. I'm struggling with weight loss and hate how I look in the mirror. I'm getting too old too fast and looking at the next half of my life existing as a person I don't want to be.
On my scale of +3 (best day) to -3 (worst day), most days have been -2 to -3 with occasional, brief rises to 0 or +1, only to fall right back down. I want to get of Mr. Bone's Wild Ride.
Weight loss is extremely difficult. People online always give such a wide variety of advice and some of it might help and some of it might not. Finding a professional to help like maybe a dietician might help but right now you really should be kind and loving to yourself. It's very difficult. Keep writing too.
Work: pretty good. One of my clients was sentenced to rehab instead of prison, which not only follows my exact recommendations to the court but it is also more humane, is less costly for society in the long and short run and it actually contributes to minimizing the client's risk of recidivism.
Private: has suicidal thoughts on Thursday. Pondered and wondered, is there any way to end my pathetic existence without hurting mom and dad. The answer is still "no", darn it. I did however manage to clean up a Commodore 64 Datassette (a cassette player), which I had bought second hand. The person who sold it to me conveniently hid the hideous filthy parts. I mean, just look at it and try not to puke:
I used compressed air, some isopropyl alcohol and wipes to clean it. Now I'm just waiting for a new power supply and a XoomFloppy to be able to backup dad's old floppies. The ones that haven't completely lost their magnetism, that is...
Kinda subpar. General routine is disrupted, which is always bad.
Wednesdays leg session was abysmally bad without any apparent reason and someone broke both leg extension machines, so i missed a my fix and obviously blame myself for being a little bitch, even adding deficit Bulgarian split squats to the end as a punishment didn't work. Kinda like jerking it and jerking it and never pushing yourself over the edge and never getting that satisfaction.
Hopefully today's one off upper body session is going to be decent, otherwise I'm going to be completely pissed off as i cant get training in over the weekend either, work event. Though at least i can get hammered there for free.
Edit: the upper body session was adequate, should help me to get through until next session.
Heavily depends on what's available and timeframe. Though usually the one i don't have to pay for is the best one, excluding wine. That thing comes up as fast as it went down.
Like if there's longer timeframe, aka whole day, then beer or something in the same ballpark and later on or when short timeframe, then vodka or vodka with red bull.
I do go for the intoxication effect of alcohol rather than enjoyment of the beverage itself.
I'm not a big a fan of beer, at least not lager. I too go for the effects of alcohol but I also love the taste Hazy IPAs. I rarely drink though. Maybe twice a month or so, at a local pub, during the day, when there isn't much commotion. I just wish LSD were legal so I could try it.
Yeah some IPAs can be rather good and go together with some food rather well.
Though i completely agree with LSD part, drugs should be legal for recreational use. I'd most definitely prefer getting stoned or doing E instead of getting drunk.
It would be perfect if any of the following operations didn't have a chance of creating nonmanifold geometry and making future feature break the entire model:
Too busy at work but I'll calm next week. Got 'certified' on the mk4s at the make space, and today is the last day of camp for the kiddos so less driving during rush hour times.
I am frustrated I missed cal targets this week(camping, hanging out with friends, bring a general fat ass who gets bored/distracted and snacks) and biking targets (only did 20 miles this week).
All in all though overall good and less well is less hectic even with school starting.
14 Comments
thousandyardstare@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 3d
Really shit. I've been struggling for weeks with awful depression. I'm not sure what caused it. Might need to up my meds. I don't like me and wish I could be someone else.
I started creative writing again, a gritty Cyberpunk noir / sapphic romance / thriller set in 2062. I've loved the games over the years, so it's been fun getting into the history between Cyberpunk Red and 2077.
I want to feel more than self loathing. I'm struggling with weight loss and hate how I look in the mirror. I'm getting too old too fast and looking at the next half of my life existing as a person I don't want to be.
On my scale of +3 (best day) to -3 (worst day), most days have been -2 to -3 with occasional, brief rises to 0 or +1, only to fall right back down. I want to get of Mr. Bone's Wild Ride.
rainbowbunny@slrpnk.net · 5 pts · 3d
Weight loss is extremely difficult. People online always give such a wide variety of advice and some of it might help and some of it might not. Finding a professional to help like maybe a dietician might help but right now you really should be kind and loving to yourself. It's very difficult. Keep writing too.
akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 3d
Work: pretty good. One of my clients was sentenced to rehab instead of prison, which not only follows my exact recommendations to the court but it is also more humane, is less costly for society in the long and short run and it actually contributes to minimizing the client's risk of recidivism.
Private: has suicidal thoughts on Thursday. Pondered and wondered, is there any way to end my pathetic existence without hurting mom and dad. The answer is still "no", darn it. I did however manage to clean up a Commodore 64 Datassette (a cassette player), which I had bought second hand. The person who sold it to me conveniently hid the hideous filthy parts. I mean, just look at it and try not to puke:
I used compressed air, some isopropyl alcohol and wipes to clean it. Now I'm just waiting for a new power supply and a XoomFloppy to be able to backup dad's old floppies. The ones that haven't completely lost their magnetism, that is...
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 6 pts · 3d
Kinda subpar. General routine is disrupted, which is always bad. Wednesdays leg session was abysmally bad without any apparent reason and someone broke both leg extension machines, so i missed a my fix and obviously blame myself for being a little bitch, even adding deficit Bulgarian split squats to the end as a punishment didn't work. Kinda like jerking it and jerking it and never pushing yourself over the edge and never getting that satisfaction.
Hopefully today's one off upper body session is going to be decent, otherwise I'm going to be completely pissed off as i cant get training in over the weekend either, work event. Though at least i can get hammered there for free.
Edit: the upper body session was adequate, should help me to get through until next session.
akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 3d
What's your choice of beverage?
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 3 pts · 3d
Heavily depends on what's available and timeframe. Though usually the one i don't have to pay for is the best one, excluding wine. That thing comes up as fast as it went down.
Like if there's longer timeframe, aka whole day, then beer or something in the same ballpark and later on or when short timeframe, then vodka or vodka with red bull.
I do go for the intoxication effect of alcohol rather than enjoyment of the beverage itself.
akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 3d
I'm not a big a fan of beer, at least not lager. I too go for the effects of alcohol but I also love the taste Hazy IPAs. I rarely drink though. Maybe twice a month or so, at a local pub, during the day, when there isn't much commotion. I just wish LSD were legal so I could try it.
Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org · 2 pts · 3d
Yeah some IPAs can be rather good and go together with some food rather well.
Though i completely agree with LSD part, drugs should be legal for recreational use. I'd most definitely prefer getting stoned or doing E instead of getting drunk.
FiniteBanjo@feddit.online · 4 pts · 4d
Tried FreeCAD for a couple of days for work, possible Linux friendly replacement for Autodesk.
Freecad does NOT do well for the work I do. So basically wasted too damn many hours.
mortalic@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4d
I've done this as well. I want free cad to be better. And have matching docs.
FiniteBanjo@feddit.online · 4 pts · 4d
It would be perfect if any of the following operations didn't have a chance of creating nonmanifold geometry and making future feature break the entire model:
Chamfers
Intersecting a part with another part
Curved Pippettes
Curved Lofts
Adding a Tangent constraint to a connected line
Using Splines
Any Boolean Operation
Straight lofts
Padding
The mere thought of having a second body
Creating a sketch
Having a heartrate above 90 or below 70
Breathing
Being Hispanic
Naich@piefed.world · 3 pts · 4d
I like FreeCAD. But then again, I like Bash and used to enjoy writing stuff in assembly language so I think I'm probably a masochist.
Malyca@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 3d
This week was better than last week, but still really hard.
makeshift0546@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 3d
Too busy at work but I'll calm next week. Got 'certified' on the mk4s at the make space, and today is the last day of camp for the kiddos so less driving during rush hour times.
I am frustrated I missed cal targets this week(camping, hanging out with friends, bring a general fat ass who gets bored/distracted and snacks) and biking targets (only did 20 miles this week).
All in all though overall good and less well is less hectic even with school starting.