ok i am ACTUALLY coming out to my dad soon

hellooo

I made a post ages ago (well like a few months ago) on coming out to my dad.

So I am going to come out to him this tuesday. The tits are coming through and its getting hotter (no jumpers) so won't be able to hide the changes in a few months in all likelihood.

The plan is: I have dnd on tuesday, and have requested a day off from work. I will email him at like 6pm, and stay over at my friends place for the night (have to anyway since dnd is so FAR away). Then I'll have work the day after and won't seem until like 8pm. Also I get the support from the dnd group.

I know it sounds cowardly to kinda run away, and not talk to him directly but this is probably the least stressful for the both of us. We can both process what's happening for a whole day, rather than in the space of 10 seconds and say something we'll regret.

I am 24 years old so I feel a little pathetic for being so scared to just say it. Plus I do have support from literally everybody else. My mum, my brother, his partner, friends. Everyone I love but him.

There is also another layer of ridiculousness to my fear. He knows I crossdress and stuff. He's seen me. I had a whole 3-4 years femboy era lol.

Is he fine with it? well yes, in terms of respecting my autonomy as an adult. But I wonder, does he think I am a sort of freak for doing that? Or does he think its just something I do. I dont know. He never fucking says anything. He's never really talked with me about anything emotional, at least from memory.

I do know he does judge non-passing trans women. I know that because of some comments he's made in the past. He also watches dodge af youtube channels. So idk.

The guy also says a lot of fashy shit. Luckily for me not really towards trans folk? its mostly racism with him.

I think I hate any sort of conflict. Like if he brings up regret rates, or health issues, says I'll never be a women I just won't be able to defend myself. I think i'll just cry or something and hope mum steps in and then also hope there's no yelling. I feel very pathetic and childlike.

As I said, I have a lot of support so I'll be fine materially and physically. And mostly emotionally.

Ramble over. made this post to just vent while I wait for another psych appointment.

Hope you all have a lovely day/evening/night!