I would like to start off by thanking everyone. Your replies...just wow. I didn't expect literally everyone to reply to my post...
I'd also like to apologize...for doubting you, even though I've very clearly received nothing but support from you all...
I had a really bad spiral. And I said some stuff. I want to apologize to everyone involved...
But I can't leave Lemmy. I can't leave the Transfem community. Not after all of the extremely positive experiences I've had here. Not after I'd met so many kind and supportive people...
This basically means...that you'll have to put up with me for some more. And I'm sorry about that, y'all 😆 /s
But...I'll try. I'll try to be less anxious and more Miisha, if that makes any sense. I'll try to be kinder to everyone and hopefully a bit more helpful. I just...really feel like this is a safe community, a little safe space that I want to be part of. So I'm sorry about what I did. It was wrong and overly dramatic of me.
I'm truly exhausted from crying and burying my head in the Godot game engine for hours at a time. So please...don't go anywhere, okay? I'll reply tomorrow, to all of you, kind people in my phone 🩷
And...thanks for having me here. Really, I mean it. Thanks for creating such a kind, safe and supportive community for us. And thanks for letting me be a part 💜
36 Comments
brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 19 pts · 1d
Hey, i didnt see any of what happened but i just wanna chime in to say youve been nothing but an absolute positive for the community here. Theres nothing you could have possibly said that cant be apologized for and forgiven. So i forgive you ❤️
Also, you commented on my mental health post, sharing the sentiment of everyone else that im not allowed to go anywhere. If im not allowed to go anywhere then youre not either. I dont want to see you leave ❤️❤️❤️
Also also, youre a great person and soooo beautiful and not afraid to get a little NSFW which i love because its another inspiration for the more shy people around here. I havent been able to do anything even mildly nsfw but it gives me confidence that one day i will. Even if it doesnt end up as a post here, itd still be great to feel so natural in my own skin that maybe my partner gets something 😁
Even tho iirc youre newer around here than me, i still look up to you, and i love you sis. Ill always want you around, and i consider you a core part of this community ❤️
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 14h
Brooke! I'm sorry, I did something dumb 😭
You're so nice, thank you so much! 💜
You're right, and...the NSFW stuff isn't going anywhere 😆. I'm glad it could be an inspiration. I hope you feel confident enough in your own skin one day. Girl, you totally have what it takes, wth 🩷
Love you too Brooke. Thanks a lot ❤️. Thanks for being here
Bryllyg@quokk.au · 19 pts · 2d
I am so glad you reconsidered. You are worth it and you are a good person. Dont give into the bad thoughts. It's fucking hard. Therapy has helped me so much in that regard. Keep fighting honey. We've got your back.
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
Thank you, I'll try 💜
Therapy has been a massive help, but my therapist is leaving and it'll be a while before I get another one. Thank you so much! ❤️
StrassMav@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 13 pts · 2d
Ahhhh, I am so happy to see this follow-up post, I only just now came across it! Hope you will pardon my wayyyy delayed message to you!
We love you dearest sister, and we all have spirals. Next time, if you need to let off your chest what ails you, you have those who care about you to listen.
Stay lovely!
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
I love you too 🩷. All of you, every single one. Thank you so much!
You stay lovely! ❤️
azalea_flower@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 2d
I don't really have much more to say, but I'm just happy you're not leaving, and things will get better I promise.
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
I'm sure they will ❤️
minty@aussie.zone · 10 pts · 1d
I am so so happy your staying Miisha :)
I know anxious spirals are brutal. Take care of yourself. You deserve it ❤️
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
Thank you Minty. I'll do my best 🩷
Nikki@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 10 pts · 1d
happy to have you here :) keep on keeping on itll be okay!
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
Thank you Nikki! You're the best ❤️
TheOtterInside@piefed.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 1d
Girl, I cannot express how happy I am to know you're okay and here to stay. I meant everything I told you and I hope I wasn't too insistent…
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
Loutre! ❤️
You weren't insistent at all, you were worried about me...and that was super sweet of you! Thank youuuu 🩷
Love ya <3
TheOtterInside@piefed.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 12h
Oh you're so sweet girl ! Luv u too !
crowcore_explorer@piefed.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 1d
so glad to hear this! i don't think you even need to apologize. we're all human. i'm so glad you're sticking around. i've been thinking about you all day. just be yourself and do your best and if you need support let us know! we love you, queen!
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 15h
Omg that's too kind tho 😭
Thank you so much. I love you all ❤️
cass1312@piefed.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 1d
I also wanted to say I enjoy your posts and am glad you decided to stay!
Idk if this is any help or not, but I'm around ~1.5 years on hrt, and so far the worst point for dysphoria during it for me at least was at about the 8th-ish month mark. I also heard the same thing from some other trans people online, I think there's something about that point where I noticed changes, but they felt so tiny compared to the first few months, and the initial happiness about starting hrt is starting to wear off, and it just all combined to made me anxious that it wasn't working anymore, I still looked so masculine, etc. But that wasn't true, and the anxiety and at least the exteme dysphoria did eventually start to pass. It really fucking sucks that it takes so long, but HRT is a second puberty, and puberty takes several years to have it's full effects. At around that 8 month mark I definitely wasn't getting gendered correctly a ton in public despite wearing earrings, basic makeup, having my nails painted, etc, but that did eventually switch at some point, and I noticed strangers went from misgendering me (or just not gendering me at all) to gendering me correctly.
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 14h
My posts? Are you sure you have the correct person? 😆 /s
The dysphoria comes and goes. Yeah, the initial happiness is gone, but...I think I'm noticing changes. Just yesterday, I was brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror. I had toothpaste covering the lowest part of my face, and I was just like "How the hell do I not pass? I'm literally a girl." in my head. And then I washed the toothpaste off, revealing my chin and was just like "Oh". The point is...it's possible. And it's happening. It just sucks it takes such a long time, as you said...
Thanks a lot. This too will pass, and who knows, maybe I will too 😂 /s
Thank you so much 💜
Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 1d
Be kind to yourself sweetie. I'm really glad you're gonna stick around.
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 14h
I'm gonna do my best. It's hard...but I'll try.
Thank you Domi 💜
Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 14h
I believe in you girlie. You have a beautiful heart, you are full of love.
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 14h
Thank you Domi 🩷
tanisnikana@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 1d
I’m glad you’re still here.
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 14h
Me too. Thank you 💜
WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 1d
I’m soooooo glad you changed your mind.
hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 1d
Thanks for staying! <3
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 14h
Thanks for having me ❤️
thestrike@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 1d
I’m so happy to hear you’re sticking around <3
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 14h
I am too, omfg 😭
Thanks Viv 🩷
Lehmuusa@nord.pub · 4 pts · 1d
Whew, I'm happy this turned out fine!
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 14h
It did, in the end. Thank you ❤️
ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org · 4 pts · 1d
I'm sorry for having pushed you really hard towards meeting university students... I'm still convinced it's the most effective way to get a support network and/or harem of boys your age who won't harm you but you should proceed at your own pace. I thought you left the chat because I was being pushy, which is a good reason to quit, but apparently you were too afraid to "disappoint" me. That's not a problem for me, just tell me you can't make it and I'll accomodate. I've done things later than promised many times before so I'm not in a spot to boss you around, and I'm sorry this lesson for me had to be so drastic for you. I really need to fight the internalized chauvinism, just like you need to fight internalized transphobia, except my problem actually hurts other people!
birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 11h
It's good to see you're back 💜
ellypny@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 1d
My heart stopped for a second I thought you were leaving before I finished reading 😭
AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 14h
I'm sorry, okay? 😭
I know I did something dumb...still, I'm actually so happy to be here ❤️