I don't have personal experience with a woman focused gym, but I can recommend women focused fitness classes. A women focused yoga or kickboxing studio might be a good option. For yoga in particular I've had classes lead by people who are really willing to meet people at their level. Those types of things tend to be mostly female in my area and it's nice because you generally don't have to pay for a membership to a gym and a private trainer. It also feels more like a hobby than just going to the gym. It's also good for accountability and may be a good place to meet some new friends.
Oooh! Good luck! I hope you meet a bunch of cool people there!
Also, just to be super clear, I did mean a female sailor outfit! They can be pretty cute and femme (and easy to throw together!). Totally ok if it's too dysphoric or you don't like the idea, but just wanted to be clear I wasn't suggesting a masc coded outfit 😅
Super excited to see a follow up if you end up posting one! Good luck again! 🍀
Yea, ZDL who commented below shared the original article Rebecca Watson is reacting to. I posted a comment in response with a video of Rebecca Watson that goes into detail about what ZDL brought up below too. He's always been this way. Very unfortunate.
How fun! I love a themed party! Probably depends a bit on who is going and how dressy it is and if it's actually near a beach. If you're completely in the dark and know someone else who's going, I'd definitely recommend checking with them because it's possible people just show up in a bathing suit with a coverup. If you know it's more an outfit theme than an actual beach party, I'd suggest what the other commenter did and go with a mermaid inspired look.
If channeling Ariel, a long tight green (or almost any shiny) skirt and purple crop top is pretty easy to find and pull together. If you want more flexibility but still want to be thematic, any outfit with fishnets could probably have a similarly colored fish. Black, white, and orange plus fishnets and all the sudden you've caught Nemo. Blue and yellow could be dori. It also works with fish that aren't animated characters, but it might be more fun if you have a reference point and people might be able to guess it. You could probably find a cute outfit you already have and like with fishnets and search "[outfit colors] fish" and just be done there. They also make net tops, but I'm not sure how practical that is as a wardrobe piece outside of this for you. Alternatively, anything blue, white, or tan would still be on theme. If covering your hairline is a must, maybe a thick green headband. Could be seaweed inspired.
If you don't mind being the odd one out, you could go with a sailor/fisher inspired look and those have built in hat options and can be a little camp if you've got the personality to pull it off. Pirate is a similar option but may be even more removed from the theme.
Good luck! Would love to know what you end up going with!
I had heard of him, but I hadn't actually heard from him. I knew of the Atheist community at the time but just wasn't involved in it enough to know or care much. Gamergate was my first real introduction to them and I honestly felt lucky because it seemed like a lot of people really looked up to a bunch of people that turned out to be huge bigots. Easy for me to say after the fact, but your assessment seems to be wholly accurate.
People who followed Gamergate knew he was trash back then. Rebecca Watson talks about it a bit in one of her videos. I think it's this one:
https://youtu.be/ZoO9FZXUgv4
Text body of cross posts don't show up for me, just adding my thoughts in this comment.
I was hesitant to open the link because it felt a bit clickbait-y and I don't like most things that talk about women in terms of what they do with their bodies, but I decided to read it anyway. I don't know if it was a gross dissection into a woman's choice regarding her body or a somewhat necessary look at how a popular actress has had to rationalize objectification. Maybe a bit of both? Interested to see if any of you have thoughts on this.
It might be true that a "minority of men who are a real problem" but there's also a minority of allies. I think the largest segment of men just go with the flow. They'll laugh at a sexist joke if the majority are laughing or stay silent if the majority stay silent. I've seen some real allies shut down misogynistic comments here on Lemmy, and it's really heartening. They get downvoted for it, but they shut down the circle jerk. I think it's because they're men signaling disapproval. The other guys might not like it, but they listen. I think Gen Z will not be quite as progressive as I was hoping, but I'm really hoping the next gen will tip us over the edge and we'll hit a critical mass of allies so that men are less confident being openly misogynistic.
I had a somewhat similar conversation with some friends recently about early relationships and boundaries.
I had a boyfriend that didn't take a no early in our relationship. I first just indicated no silently (moving hand away etc), then indicated no verbally, and he still tried to do something to me physically that I just expressed no about. I'm really proud that I stuck to my boundaries and got up and left, but that could have gone very differently. He was much bigger and stronger, and had I not known him through certain circles I might not know how he would react to me leaving. I was previously SAd and had done a lot of work building up my confidence and boundaries and he was not very experienced. He later sincerely apologized. He was legitimately confused about the situation and thought he was doing what he should. We had multiple extensive conversations about enthusiastic consent and eventually resumed dating. He was always good about consent from that point forward, but he essentially used my body as a learning experience. I'm glad it happened to me and not someone else, and I'm glad we had the conversation we did because now he knows for any future partners, but it really is scary to think how entitled he felt to my body and that there are other people out there like that.
There are several things people learn when just starting out dating, and I'm sure I messed up a lot and said things I shouldn't have or said things wrong, but I never took liberties with someone's body. Obviously, it happens to all kinds of people, by all kinds of people, but on the whole it seems like it's heavily related to socialization. I think we need to do a better job of teaching consent and boundaries to all children. That and kindness. I think more of that and we'd stop mistreating our partners, because it ends up just being a microcosm of how we treat society.
Hey girl, this is your friend speaking. Leave him. I promise, the person you're meant to be with will make noises so cute you'll regret every second spent not hearing them.
You deserve better than to be with someone who is by your own admission "not a good partner". Choose loving yourself.
I think you bring up a good point that most people likely have hormone cycles. We had a trans member of the community make a post recently regarding how they are experiencing period like symptoms and that other trans women have also experienced cyclical period like symptoms. I think a there's a lot of variety in the human experience and my biggest issue is when people don't recognize these differences as valid. It's so important that we recognize that we're more alike than different, but everyone faces their own unique issues and I like to leave a lot of space for that.
Sorry to hear about your PCOS, but glad you've got the diagnosis and seem to have gotten a handle on what sounded like some bad periods.
My app does not show the text in the post, so just in case, the post should say:
I would not venture into the comment section, but I think the post brings up a point for discussion. Menstruation is different for everyone (some women don't/can't some men do etc), so I figured I'd ask here what your relationship to it is and how you see other people relate to it. I personally think there's something very unique to menstruation itself that I would not relate to anything else, having experienced things far more and far less painful or affecting, but I know that's not how everyone views it. Having said that, I think there's a lot of discussion around women's periods and I understand the desire to relate to them regardless of your personal experience with them. I would love to hear your individual perspectives on how you talk about your cycles to people, or if you do so at all, and how their responses affect your desire to talk to them about that going forward.
I have a friend that like me has had medical issues arise because of their cycle, and though we've had similar experiences I am least likely to bring up my experiences when she's talking about hers because I want to give her feelings as much space as possible. She does the same with me. I'm not sure if it's like that for others, but I think the more severe the issue the more likely I am to verbalize sympathy than empathy. On the other hand, I can pretty casually talk about it with some friends who have a more average experience with them. I'm least likely to talk about it with my male friends, but I have some close ones that I will mention it to and they always step up their support if I bring it up, since I mostly bring it up if I'm noticing I need some extra support. Because of the way my cycle affects me, and maybe because I am really lucky, my partners have been mostly really good about recognizing it and offering support when needed.
I read the article and it seems to be just an excuse to rightly clown on RFK jr and these two women, offering very little in the way of substance.
I'd be interested in a real examination of the topic, but I imagine it'd just yield exactly what we expect. Immoral people find immoral people alluring. Possibly even enjoy surrounding themselves with people worse than themselves so they can feel good or exhilarate and delight in a level of immorality they could not have conceived of alone.
Seems I'm a bit late to the post, but it's so validating to see others with the same issue. My partner and I were in the same position and I tried literally everything. Don't let society or others judge what works best for you. We ended up doing separate meals that we prepare ourselves and that works great for us. It makes bulk shopping less practical, but I feel so much better now and it was just an unnecessary point of friction in our relationship. As far as the love language thing, I second the other commenter suggesting baked goods. Alternatively, once a week designated meal that you make that's her choice or maybe even just a breakfast on a day you both can do a leisurely breakfast together.
I think that would be great actually. Destigmatizing sex toys for women is still a work in progress even with sex toy brands being as pervasive as they are. I think it'd be interesting to have some recommendations from real women who have nothing to gain from steering you one way or another. I don't personally use them, so I don't have much to add to the conversation, but I think it might help someone.
Interesting read! I am a little amused that they used a handful of examples to make their point and then waived away what little "scientific" data we have on the topic, despite opening by stating people tend to agree with things that support their preconceived notions.
I personally think it is interesting to know, just for the sake of knowing, and though I understand some people deem it a value judgement, I don't think it has to be. It's ok if men and women, on average, think differently, it's ok if that's learned or innate. It's also ok if they don't. I just think knowing would shed light on humanity regardless.
I thought this was a good quote though:
he was, as Nichols drily observes, ‘eight and a half times more successful than me at writing the same book’.
::: spoiler Movie
I was initially on the fence about the movie this month, but I ended up really enjoying it. If anyone didn't watch it but has the time, I wholeheartedly recommend it. I never know how an AI movie is going to end so it did have me guessing the whole way through.
Truly it was worth the watch, and the rest of this will contain spoilers (I tried to be vague, but still) so I highly recommend watching it before reading on.
I really enjoyed the way they portrayed the main character's relationship with the robot. I know that's the point of the movie, but it felt so genuine. The desire to not give in to the tropes, but in essence still wanting that kind of relationship. The way she expressed her sexuality and frustration also felt very genuine.
I think there's something to be said about the thread of loneliness that follows throughout the movie. What happens with her father and the pregnancy and her ex all lean into this overarching idea of solitude. It frames her robot as the thing to fix this all. He literally helps with each of those things in turn and yet she doesn't accept it as meaningful. Then there's the moment where she runs into the judge. You see how he's interacting with his robot and what he has to say. It really broke my heart. I know there's a lot of women out there turning to AI now, but it really felt as though the emotional and interpersonal/relational future of humanity had been thrust upon this woman. It was so sad to see, but it mirrored a lot of what I come across as it relates to relationships irl.
Then the ending was so interesting. Half twist, half as expected. I don't want to give specifics, but I think the interpretations of why it happened there and the significance of it is very interesting. It felt very "full circle" for her character and yet solved none of her actual problems. Very rarely do I watch a movie that involves a journey where basically nothing changes. It was refreshing and felt very human. It seemed to both affirm and contradict its central thesis in that just the act of going through things as a human, regardless of their impact, is what makes us human. No need to be any deeper than that. Just waking up and confronting the life you're living is in essence what makes being worth it. Nothing grandiose, just living. Would be interested to hear if anyone else watched it what their takeaways were.
To directly answer the questions posed:
I do think the work is feminist. The movie centers a woman who is outside of the "traditional female role" and in essence follows her reckoning with that. At one point even having her contrasted with a woman who is filling that role. The movie doesn't shame her for her place, but does honestly explore what being in that place means and how it affects her.
I think it would be difficult for someone who isn't a woman to have written such a character who felt as real as the protagonist. I mentioned it above, but even the sex scene seemed to very much center the female gaze and female perspective, while not putting her sexuality on a pedestal.
I think the narrator having been a woman is integral to the work. It's possible this would have been able to be made centering a man, but so often you see men in these kinds of movies having the opposite stance as this main character. I'd be interested in a similar story from a male perspective, but this one felt uniquely feminine, especially with the inclusion of the ailing father and the comparison to the exes new partner.
I don't know if it changed my opinion on anything per se, but it did prompt some interesting conversations within my friend group about trauma and healing and humanity - all conversations I think most AI movies prompt.
:::
::: spoiler Book
It was exactly as expected. I can't say I'd recommend it. It was a dry and tough read with the main takeaway being exactly what you think it is. What I will say is that any and every reminder to exercise critical thinking and media literacy is great. Please remember to love yourself and love the women in your life. Each and every one of us are beautiful and worthy, not just of love, but of being. You deserve to take up space and you don't owe anyone anything for doing that.
:::
I don't have personal experience with a woman focused gym, but I can recommend women focused fitness classes. A women focused yoga or kickboxing studio might be a good option. For yoga in particular I've had classes lead by people who are really willing to meet people at their level. Those types of things tend to be mostly female in my area and it's nice because you generally don't have to pay for a membership to a gym and a private trainer. It also feels more like a hobby than just going to the gym. It's also good for accountability and may be a good place to meet some new friends.
Oooh! Good luck! I hope you meet a bunch of cool people there!
Also, just to be super clear, I did mean a female sailor outfit! They can be pretty cute and femme (and easy to throw together!). Totally ok if it's too dysphoric or you don't like the idea, but just wanted to be clear I wasn't suggesting a masc coded outfit 😅
Super excited to see a follow up if you end up posting one! Good luck again! 🍀
Yea, ZDL who commented below shared the original article Rebecca Watson is reacting to. I posted a comment in response with a video of Rebecca Watson that goes into detail about what ZDL brought up below too. He's always been this way. Very unfortunate.
Comment with links: https://lemmus.org/comment/17658359
How fun! I love a themed party! Probably depends a bit on who is going and how dressy it is and if it's actually near a beach. If you're completely in the dark and know someone else who's going, I'd definitely recommend checking with them because it's possible people just show up in a bathing suit with a coverup. If you know it's more an outfit theme than an actual beach party, I'd suggest what the other commenter did and go with a mermaid inspired look.
If channeling Ariel, a long tight green (or almost any shiny) skirt and purple crop top is pretty easy to find and pull together. If you want more flexibility but still want to be thematic, any outfit with fishnets could probably have a similarly colored fish. Black, white, and orange plus fishnets and all the sudden you've caught Nemo. Blue and yellow could be dori. It also works with fish that aren't animated characters, but it might be more fun if you have a reference point and people might be able to guess it. You could probably find a cute outfit you already have and like with fishnets and search "[outfit colors] fish" and just be done there. They also make net tops, but I'm not sure how practical that is as a wardrobe piece outside of this for you. Alternatively, anything blue, white, or tan would still be on theme. If covering your hairline is a must, maybe a thick green headband. Could be seaweed inspired.
If you don't mind being the odd one out, you could go with a sailor/fisher inspired look and those have built in hat options and can be a little camp if you've got the personality to pull it off. Pirate is a similar option but may be even more removed from the theme.
Good luck! Would love to know what you end up going with!
I had heard of him, but I hadn't actually heard from him. I knew of the Atheist community at the time but just wasn't involved in it enough to know or care much. Gamergate was my first real introduction to them and I honestly felt lucky because it seemed like a lot of people really looked up to a bunch of people that turned out to be huge bigots. Easy for me to say after the fact, but your assessment seems to be wholly accurate.
People who followed Gamergate knew he was trash back then. Rebecca Watson talks about it a bit in one of her videos. I think it's this one: https://youtu.be/ZoO9FZXUgv4
Random article from a decade ago about this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/18/richard-dawkins-sexist-atheists-bad-name
That being said, this is a good reminder.
Text body of cross posts don't show up for me, just adding my thoughts in this comment.
I was hesitant to open the link because it felt a bit clickbait-y and I don't like most things that talk about women in terms of what they do with their bodies, but I decided to read it anyway. I don't know if it was a gross dissection into a woman's choice regarding her body or a somewhat necessary look at how a popular actress has had to rationalize objectification. Maybe a bit of both? Interested to see if any of you have thoughts on this.
It might be true that a "minority of men who are a real problem" but there's also a minority of allies. I think the largest segment of men just go with the flow. They'll laugh at a sexist joke if the majority are laughing or stay silent if the majority stay silent. I've seen some real allies shut down misogynistic comments here on Lemmy, and it's really heartening. They get downvoted for it, but they shut down the circle jerk. I think it's because they're men signaling disapproval. The other guys might not like it, but they listen. I think Gen Z will not be quite as progressive as I was hoping, but I'm really hoping the next gen will tip us over the edge and we'll hit a critical mass of allies so that men are less confident being openly misogynistic.
I had a somewhat similar conversation with some friends recently about early relationships and boundaries.
I had a boyfriend that didn't take a no early in our relationship. I first just indicated no silently (moving hand away etc), then indicated no verbally, and he still tried to do something to me physically that I just expressed no about. I'm really proud that I stuck to my boundaries and got up and left, but that could have gone very differently. He was much bigger and stronger, and had I not known him through certain circles I might not know how he would react to me leaving. I was previously SAd and had done a lot of work building up my confidence and boundaries and he was not very experienced. He later sincerely apologized. He was legitimately confused about the situation and thought he was doing what he should. We had multiple extensive conversations about enthusiastic consent and eventually resumed dating. He was always good about consent from that point forward, but he essentially used my body as a learning experience. I'm glad it happened to me and not someone else, and I'm glad we had the conversation we did because now he knows for any future partners, but it really is scary to think how entitled he felt to my body and that there are other people out there like that.
There are several things people learn when just starting out dating, and I'm sure I messed up a lot and said things I shouldn't have or said things wrong, but I never took liberties with someone's body. Obviously, it happens to all kinds of people, by all kinds of people, but on the whole it seems like it's heavily related to socialization. I think we need to do a better job of teaching consent and boundaries to all children. That and kindness. I think more of that and we'd stop mistreating our partners, because it ends up just being a microcosm of how we treat society.
Hey girl, this is your friend speaking. Leave him. I promise, the person you're meant to be with will make noises so cute you'll regret every second spent not hearing them.
You deserve better than to be with someone who is by your own admission "not a good partner". Choose loving yourself.
I think you bring up a good point that most people likely have hormone cycles. We had a trans member of the community make a post recently regarding how they are experiencing period like symptoms and that other trans women have also experienced cyclical period like symptoms. I think a there's a lot of variety in the human experience and my biggest issue is when people don't recognize these differences as valid. It's so important that we recognize that we're more alike than different, but everyone faces their own unique issues and I like to leave a lot of space for that.
Sorry to hear about your PCOS, but glad you've got the diagnosis and seem to have gotten a handle on what sounded like some bad periods.
My app does not show the text in the post, so just in case, the post should say:
I would not venture into the comment section, but I think the post brings up a point for discussion. Menstruation is different for everyone (some women don't/can't some men do etc), so I figured I'd ask here what your relationship to it is and how you see other people relate to it. I personally think there's something very unique to menstruation itself that I would not relate to anything else, having experienced things far more and far less painful or affecting, but I know that's not how everyone views it. Having said that, I think there's a lot of discussion around women's periods and I understand the desire to relate to them regardless of your personal experience with them. I would love to hear your individual perspectives on how you talk about your cycles to people, or if you do so at all, and how their responses affect your desire to talk to them about that going forward.
I have a friend that like me has had medical issues arise because of their cycle, and though we've had similar experiences I am least likely to bring up my experiences when she's talking about hers because I want to give her feelings as much space as possible. She does the same with me. I'm not sure if it's like that for others, but I think the more severe the issue the more likely I am to verbalize sympathy than empathy. On the other hand, I can pretty casually talk about it with some friends who have a more average experience with them. I'm least likely to talk about it with my male friends, but I have some close ones that I will mention it to and they always step up their support if I bring it up, since I mostly bring it up if I'm noticing I need some extra support. Because of the way my cycle affects me, and maybe because I am really lucky, my partners have been mostly really good about recognizing it and offering support when needed.
I read the article and it seems to be just an excuse to rightly clown on RFK jr and these two women, offering very little in the way of substance.
I'd be interested in a real examination of the topic, but I imagine it'd just yield exactly what we expect. Immoral people find immoral people alluring. Possibly even enjoy surrounding themselves with people worse than themselves so they can feel good or exhilarate and delight in a level of immorality they could not have conceived of alone.
This comment links to the article: https://lemmus.org/comment/15733715
Seems I'm a bit late to the post, but it's so validating to see others with the same issue. My partner and I were in the same position and I tried literally everything. Don't let society or others judge what works best for you. We ended up doing separate meals that we prepare ourselves and that works great for us. It makes bulk shopping less practical, but I feel so much better now and it was just an unnecessary point of friction in our relationship. As far as the love language thing, I second the other commenter suggesting baked goods. Alternatively, once a week designated meal that you make that's her choice or maybe even just a breakfast on a day you both can do a leisurely breakfast together.
I think that would be great actually. Destigmatizing sex toys for women is still a work in progress even with sex toy brands being as pervasive as they are. I think it'd be interesting to have some recommendations from real women who have nothing to gain from steering you one way or another. I don't personally use them, so I don't have much to add to the conversation, but I think it might help someone.
Interesting read! I am a little amused that they used a handful of examples to make their point and then waived away what little "scientific" data we have on the topic, despite opening by stating people tend to agree with things that support their preconceived notions.
I personally think it is interesting to know, just for the sake of knowing, and though I understand some people deem it a value judgement, I don't think it has to be. It's ok if men and women, on average, think differently, it's ok if that's learned or innate. It's also ok if they don't. I just think knowing would shed light on humanity regardless.
I thought this was a good quote though:
Thank you for your suggestions!
Please reply to this comment with suggestions for next month. One suggestion per reply please!
::: spoiler Movie I was initially on the fence about the movie this month, but I ended up really enjoying it. If anyone didn't watch it but has the time, I wholeheartedly recommend it. I never know how an AI movie is going to end so it did have me guessing the whole way through.
Truly it was worth the watch, and the rest of this will contain spoilers (I tried to be vague, but still) so I highly recommend watching it before reading on.
I really enjoyed the way they portrayed the main character's relationship with the robot. I know that's the point of the movie, but it felt so genuine. The desire to not give in to the tropes, but in essence still wanting that kind of relationship. The way she expressed her sexuality and frustration also felt very genuine.
I think there's something to be said about the thread of loneliness that follows throughout the movie. What happens with her father and the pregnancy and her ex all lean into this overarching idea of solitude. It frames her robot as the thing to fix this all. He literally helps with each of those things in turn and yet she doesn't accept it as meaningful. Then there's the moment where she runs into the judge. You see how he's interacting with his robot and what he has to say. It really broke my heart. I know there's a lot of women out there turning to AI now, but it really felt as though the emotional and interpersonal/relational future of humanity had been thrust upon this woman. It was so sad to see, but it mirrored a lot of what I come across as it relates to relationships irl.
Then the ending was so interesting. Half twist, half as expected. I don't want to give specifics, but I think the interpretations of why it happened there and the significance of it is very interesting. It felt very "full circle" for her character and yet solved none of her actual problems. Very rarely do I watch a movie that involves a journey where basically nothing changes. It was refreshing and felt very human. It seemed to both affirm and contradict its central thesis in that just the act of going through things as a human, regardless of their impact, is what makes us human. No need to be any deeper than that. Just waking up and confronting the life you're living is in essence what makes being worth it. Nothing grandiose, just living. Would be interested to hear if anyone else watched it what their takeaways were.
To directly answer the questions posed:
::: spoiler Book It was exactly as expected. I can't say I'd recommend it. It was a dry and tough read with the main takeaway being exactly what you think it is. What I will say is that any and every reminder to exercise critical thinking and media literacy is great. Please remember to love yourself and love the women in your life. Each and every one of us are beautiful and worthy, not just of love, but of being. You deserve to take up space and you don't owe anyone anything for doing that. :::