Goth girl i worked with at Tacobell in college, I guess, was flirting with me often? She gave me this burned CD, and her music was weird, so I just threw it in my binder. Years later, I finally listened to it, and it was all songs about having sex.
Same. Not much around here in my travel range (not aware of anything social applicable to me), so the people who talk to me are definitely being cordial. Which is less awkward for me anyhow.
I don't leave the house (or talk to people) enough for the idea to seem anything other than silly.
So funny thing you mention that. You're describing me.
For a very long time, I was in denial about being touched with the 'tism. Some behaviors of mine that I noticed I couldn't ignored and asked some friends about them. Did some tests without thinking through my constant camouflage and yeah, definitely have ASD. I mentioned it to friends and family and they all said something similar to "you finally figured it out huh?" So hopefully I can start to gain more energy for going out as long as I don't feel the need to camouflage. One thing at a time though.
The other thing that doesn't help is that I identify demiguy more than as a man. So I know my behavior and appearance doesn't quite fit the "masculinity" picture - regardless if it's toxic or not. Im definitely male, I'm definitely attracted to women, but like I like having soft hands. I'm a softer personality, I'd rather listen to gossip than think/pay attention/care about sports.
Having discovered that though, maybe it too will help my confidence and lead to better interactions.
I'm challenging myself to be this real me, and see if it leads to more signals.
Still doesn't help trying to find where people are.
I mean, we all should do our best to accommodate for other people's difficulties, but in the end, nobody can be faulted for lacking the ability to read minds.
Meh, had this too often. The moment I make a move they usually withdraw. Nowadays I let people know that if they're interested, hints won't cut it. Either ask me out or stop that shit. I've had enough rejections to the point where I'd rather stay single than go through this hell again. ✌️
If it's meant to be, they'll speak up and say, "I'm interested in a date, what are you doing this friday?" or something along those lines, just like I would if I was interested in someone as a potential partner.
Signs/signals/asstrology charts/ouija boards that mysteriously spell out words like kiss, sex, or date.... these things are for middle school. I've got better things to do.
Right, just like it's inappropriate for a guy to go up to a random woman, or even a familiar woman in a friendly setting and just say "hey you wanna fuck?" it's also inappropriate in the other direction. That's why you use an escalating series of verbal and non verbal cues to gauge interest first before you commit fully.
No. Once bitten twice shy, and I got bitten over and over again. Falling in love with every person who was nice to me in high school was a massive mistake and caused nothing but hardship. The last two decades have been relatively peaceful because I don't buy it anymore. Fuck reading between the lines, fuck hints, fuck signals and vibes. I'm never acting unless I receive DIRECT CLEARLY EXPRESSED FREELY GIVEN ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT and not a moment sooner.
Intuition does not help when it is a woman giving signs in order to reassure herself that she is attractive but with zero intention of accepting a request for a date.
Actually, you know, I could afford to keep that in mind more often. I've suffered with poor self esteem in the past myself, and so I know just about everyone can use reassurance sometimes. It's just a matter of figuring out how to validate someone else's insecurity without creeping them out and also without becoming an enabling crutch that they lean on more than is healthy or appropriate.
Empathy can be toxic if I'm misreading, too... It's possible to honestly believe I'm attempting to reassure someone and end up saying something that only exacerbates their insecurities x_x I don't even know how it turns out like that, probably because I'm just not very good or practiced at socializing. But usually I've tended to err on the side of caution and keep my mouth shut.
I dunno. I'll have to think on it more as to whether or not I want to try proactively engaging on that again now...
Last year I got hit on by a young woman in my neighbourhood. She started by asking me for some rice because she didn’t have any left (that might have been an excuse). When I came back 5mn later with a bag, she simply asked me if I wanted to play with her. I told her I was married and went home, but I liked her approach. No room for ambiguity. She must have been 20 something, so it’s not a matter of age at least. Maybe maturity.
I have realized one day that years ago when she invited me in for a beer after a night out when I went to pickup my sunglasses that I left with her, it probably wasn't about the beer, though to be fair to me, I thought she was still seeing this guy I knew so I basically had that part of my brain turned off around her.
Last year I got hit on by a young woman in my neighbourhood. She started by asking me for some rice because she didn't have any left (that might have been an excuse). When I came back 5mn later with a bag, she simply asked me if I wanted to play with her. I told her I was married and went home, but I liked her approach. No room for ambiguity. She must have been 20 something, so it's not a matter of age at least. Maybe maturity.
It is indeed AI, and imagine my disappointment to learn this because as you can probably guess I would watch the hell out of a random cyberpunk anime involving goth chicks and penguins.
I guess we still have Evangelion, which is probably what this is riffing off of anyways.
(A note to interested readers that there is also Penguin Highway, which I thought was halfway decent.)
All the possible signals. Really. I'll give you two of my own experience (or inexperience)
Teenagers in a school trip. She tells me, do you want to come with me, I forgot my key in the room. "Sure" I say. I proceed to walk with her and wait for her to go to her room while I held the elevator.
Me in a quite alternative bar. She "why don't you stay longer, I can take you home after". Me "I have early class tomorrow".
Both were drop dead gorgeous (the first one was fairly wealthy)
Those are just two examples. My life is full of them. Apparently I'm more attractive than smart.
Of course, there have been some super direct where I clued in but it was impossible not to.
65 Comments
Pistcow@lemmy.world · 138 pts · 357d
Goth girl i worked with at Tacobell in college, I guess, was flirting with me often? She gave me this burned CD, and her music was weird, so I just threw it in my binder. Years later, I finally listened to it, and it was all songs about having sex.
I think she might have been interested in me?
daggermoon@lemmy.world · 83 pts · 357d
I would cum if a goth girl burned me a CD
devfuuu@lemmy.world · 49 pts · 356d
This would torment me for life. The potential of having a goth gf and missing out. It didn't happen to me and I'm tormented over it.
cmgvd3lw@discuss.tchncs.de · 31 pts · 357d
Nah man that's what she is into and only wanted to share the music taste. Also I am a Penguin.
edgemaster72@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 357d
idk, is she Canadian? she might've just been polite
betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 357d
If she'd burned a loop of herself saying "Pistcow, let us fuck", it would only have been slightly more direct.
kamenlady@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 357d
Nice to read I'm not alone in this.
Pistcow@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 356d
Some day, we might learn, buddy.
argh_another_username@lemmy.ca · 59 pts · 357d
I’m the king of obliviousness. She passed her hand over my dick. Twice.
kameecoding@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 356d
Maybe she was Canadian? You never know.
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 356d
Can confirm (am Canadian). That's how we say thank you.
Lexam@lemmy.world · 53 pts · 356d
Or hear me out, they were just being a kind person.
RangerAndTheCat@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 356d
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 356d
I'm definitely not one of those. Stop assuming that, dammit!
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social · 28 pts · 356d
Ha, imagine getting signals.
I have to find women in order to get any signals.
general_kitten@sopuli.xyz · 12 pts · 356d
I've gotten many signals near roads. just wear a hi-vis vest and take them home
insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafe · 3 pts · 356d
Same. Not much around here in my travel range (not aware of anything social applicable to me), so the people who talk to me are definitely being cordial. Which is less awkward for me anyhow.
I don't leave the house (or talk to people) enough for the idea to seem anything other than silly.
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social · 6 pts · 356d
So funny thing you mention that. You're describing me.
For a very long time, I was in denial about being touched with the 'tism. Some behaviors of mine that I noticed I couldn't ignored and asked some friends about them. Did some tests without thinking through my constant camouflage and yeah, definitely have ASD. I mentioned it to friends and family and they all said something similar to "you finally figured it out huh?" So hopefully I can start to gain more energy for going out as long as I don't feel the need to camouflage. One thing at a time though.
The other thing that doesn't help is that I identify demiguy more than as a man. So I know my behavior and appearance doesn't quite fit the "masculinity" picture - regardless if it's toxic or not. Im definitely male, I'm definitely attracted to women, but like I like having soft hands. I'm a softer personality, I'd rather listen to gossip than think/pay attention/care about sports.
Having discovered that though, maybe it too will help my confidence and lead to better interactions.
I'm challenging myself to be this real me, and see if it leads to more signals.
Still doesn't help trying to find where people are.
Damage@feddit.it · 27 pts · 356d
Was one of the signs her saying something like "Hey, I'm attracted to you, would you like to explore a potential relationship?" ?
Otherwise f off with "signs"
REDACTED@infosec.pub · 12 pts · 356d
Yes, but I'm assuming she's just kind and joking around.
Anivia@feddit.org · 5 pts · 356d
Probably just Canadian
chocrates@piefed.world · 1 pts · 355d
It took me years of therapy to get to that friend.
But yeah now for sure.
Damage@feddit.it · 2 pts · 355d
I mean, we all should do our best to accommodate for other people's difficulties, but in the end, nobody can be faulted for lacking the ability to read minds.
TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 27 pts · 356d
now that's a title. well done.
XM34@feddit.org · 27 pts · 356d
Meh, had this too often. The moment I make a move they usually withdraw. Nowadays I let people know that if they're interested, hints won't cut it. Either ask me out or stop that shit. I've had enough rejections to the point where I'd rather stay single than go through this hell again. ✌️
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de · 22 pts · 356d
If it's meant to be, they'll speak up and say, "I'm interested in a date, what are you doing this friday?" or something along those lines, just like I would if I was interested in someone as a potential partner.
Signs/signals/asstrology charts/ouija boards that mysteriously spell out words like kiss, sex, or date.... these things are for middle school. I've got better things to do.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 356d
T R U E
L O V E
F L A M E
Hadriscus@jlai.lu · 20 pts · 356d
Fucks signs, fuck everything that's not clear communication made of words that carry your intended meaning
bleistift2@sopuli.xyz · 17 pts · 356d
Could it be that “signs” are meant to hedge one’s bets? It doesn’t expose you as much if the other party isn’t interested.
socsa@piefed.social · 6 pts · 356d
Right, just like it's inappropriate for a guy to go up to a random woman, or even a familiar woman in a friendly setting and just say "hey you wanna fuck?" it's also inappropriate in the other direction. That's why you use an escalating series of verbal and non verbal cues to gauge interest first before you commit fully.
Hadriscus@jlai.lu · 1 pts · 356d
Yea, I think so.
jjjalljs@ttrpg.network · 1 pts · 356d
Could be, but that's immature and unattractive. You're better off not throwing in with someone who's unwilling to be vulnerable
chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 356d
Right but the people who are mature, attractive, and clear and up front about their feelings tend not to stay single for very long.
djnattyp@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 355d
That's why you need to add "polyamourous" to the list of criteria.
chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 355d
That may be great for some people but not for me!
Draegur@lemmy.zip · 20 pts · 356d
No. Once bitten twice shy, and I got bitten over and over again. Falling in love with every person who was nice to me in high school was a massive mistake and caused nothing but hardship. The last two decades have been relatively peaceful because I don't buy it anymore. Fuck reading between the lines, fuck hints, fuck signals and vibes. I'm never acting unless I receive DIRECT CLEARLY EXPRESSED FREELY GIVEN ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT and not a moment sooner.
I will never trust my ""intuition"" ever again.
sqgl@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 356d
Intuition does not help when it is a woman giving signs in order to reassure herself that she is attractive but with zero intention of accepting a request for a date.
Draegur@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 355d
Actually, you know, I could afford to keep that in mind more often. I've suffered with poor self esteem in the past myself, and so I know just about everyone can use reassurance sometimes. It's just a matter of figuring out how to validate someone else's insecurity without creeping them out and also without becoming an enabling crutch that they lean on more than is healthy or appropriate.
Empathy can be toxic if I'm misreading, too... It's possible to honestly believe I'm attempting to reassure someone and end up saying something that only exacerbates their insecurities x_x I don't even know how it turns out like that, probably because I'm just not very good or practiced at socializing. But usually I've tended to err on the side of caution and keep my mouth shut.
I dunno. I'll have to think on it more as to whether or not I want to try proactively engaging on that again now...
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 356d
Last year I got hit on by a young woman in my neighbourhood. She started by asking me for some rice because she didn’t have any left (that might have been an excuse). When I came back 5mn later with a bag, she simply asked me if I wanted to play with her. I told her I was married and went home, but I liked her approach. No room for ambiguity. She must have been 20 something, so it’s not a matter of age at least. Maybe maturity.
Deflated0ne@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 356d
Yep. That's me. Dense as a brick.
MeThisGuy@feddit.nl · 5 pts · 355d
it do be like that
sometimesoftenkameecoding@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 356d
I have realized one day that years ago when she invited me in for a beer after a night out when I went to pickup my sunglasses that I left with her, it probably wasn't about the beer, though to be fair to me, I thought she was still seeing this guy I knew so I basically had that part of my brain turned off around her.
Hadriscus@jlai.lu · 9 pts · 356d
Last year I got hit on by a young woman in my neighbourhood. She started by asking me for some rice because she didn't have any left (that might have been an excuse). When I came back 5mn later with a bag, she simply asked me if I wanted to play with her. I told her I was married and went home, but I liked her approach. No room for ambiguity. She must have been 20 something, so it's not a matter of age at least. Maybe maturity.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 356d
Is this a copypasta?
Hadriscus@jlai.lu · 5 pts · 356d
It can be !
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 356d
Done.
Hadriscus@jlai.lu · 3 pts · 355d
What makes a copypasta ?
MeThisGuy@feddit.nl · 7 pts · 355d
what makes it pasta is she came over for rice and ended up making gnocchi
Harbinger01173430@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 356d
Should've gotten her pregnant to expand your brood.
Smh.
Hadriscus@jlai.lu · 4 pts · 356d
I contemplated the possibility for what felt like the longest second in my life. But it wouldn't have been right
wabafee@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 355d
Good on you!
Harbinger01173430@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 355d
Not right? Our biological mission across our lives is to breed. Everything else is secondary.
You must make sure your genes spread across the world.
You failed by not taking the chance.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 355d
This is why i have a crispr lab in my kitchen and cut slices of my genome into random birds and vermin. I especially enjoy geese.
Edit: im gonna see if i can catch some pigeons today.
al_Kaholic@lemmynsfw.com · 9 pts · 357d
What show is the img from?
dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 357d
It is indeed AI, and imagine my disappointment to learn this because as you can probably guess I would watch the hell out of a random cyberpunk anime involving goth chicks and penguins.
I guess we still have Evangelion, which is probably what this is riffing off of anyways.
(A note to interested readers that there is also Penguin Highway, which I thought was halfway decent.)
Damage@feddit.it · 2 pts · 356d
It seems to be a penguin suit
dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 356d
Being worn by someone awfully short. Perhaps he's secretly a duck.
Damage@feddit.it · 1 pts · 356d
Did you just assume the gender of the penguin-suit wearer?
Harvey656@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 357d
I think it's ai, she appears to be floating and the ceiling is weird. I could be wrong though, 80% sure.
al_Kaholic@lemmynsfw.com · 18 pts · 357d
Thank you are correct https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/penguin-and-goth-girl
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 356d
Can I teleport an apostrophe into that possessive pronoun to transform it into the appropriate contraction?
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 356d
All the possible signals = literally just standing there. That tracks.
im_me_but_better@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 355d
All the possible signals. Really. I'll give you two of my own experience (or inexperience)
Teenagers in a school trip. She tells me, do you want to come with me, I forgot my key in the room. "Sure" I say. I proceed to walk with her and wait for her to go to her room while I held the elevator.
Me in a quite alternative bar. She "why don't you stay longer, I can take you home after". Me "I have early class tomorrow".
Both were drop dead gorgeous (the first one was fairly wealthy)
Those are just two examples. My life is full of them. Apparently I'm more attractive than smart.
Of course, there have been some super direct where I clued in but it was impossible not to.
individual@toast.ooo · 3 pts · 356d
nialv7@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 356d
AI unfortunately
individual@toast.ooo · 1 pts · 356d
Hupf@feddit.org · 3 pts · 356d
FuckFascism@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 355d
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 356d