So many. Not being able to regulate emotions, which led to me throwing "temper tantrums" kind of. 7 years of therapy and I think I had major breakthrough. I am still evaluating it, but I am fairly confident that I might have overcome it.
It is really difficult to explain, but I will try it. I was greatly distressed one day, and decided to write an essay on Community and Compassion. As I was writing it, it basically came out as a rant and increased my distress and I was able identify a thought that was running in my head. It said "I am not enough." I don't why, but I reversed it and started 'chanting' "I am enough". I immediately felt like a huge wait lifted from my mind. I felt lighter. So, basically that became my chant now.
In retrospect, it made sense and yet, it was really hard for me to become aware of it. But, in the end, all those therapy sessions paid off, even if I had lost hope.
This is what some call "mindfulness". The ability to be aware of feeling an emotion, and then to be able to step outside of that and ask "why am I feeling that?". You can then start to work on the cause rather than the symptoms.
If you ever get taught meditation, a lot of it is about letting the mind go in the direction it wants to go, catching it, noting it, and then resetting. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I felt ignored, which made me feel worthless. Exact circumstances are too personal to share. But, the realization that I have never felt compassion in my life, as far back as I can remember was too much at the time.
When I'm mentally unwell, I isolate myself instead of sharing the load with the loved ones in my life that would jump at the opportunity to support me. I fear being seen in a vulnerable state and given enough rumination I can easily find "reasons" why maybe it would be for the best if I disappeared for a bit instead.
I haven't been able to directly overcome it yet, but I've become aware enough to communicate it and people in my life at least know the signs of it happening now.
I think it was a slow-burn, building awareness after every incident that this wasn't someone i wanted to be: it felt juvenile and embarassing. One day it reached a point where that awareness matched the blind rage i felt and allowed me to choose (with difficulty) not to do it in the moment. After that the choice got easier each time until the urge faded away. I still yell more than I'd like but I'm no longer destructive
But what is it that even leads to the yelling? That suggests that things are still often escalating and there's something not yet addressed?
Do you remember an example of a time you ended up yelling but rewind to the people, things,location, and conditions that combined to create that storm? Try tracing it back,what prior experience did it resemble if any?
There have been a couple of people who used to maybe not treat me the best. Over the past couple of years, they have drastically changed that behavior. It's been challenging for me to ALLOW them to change and not respond to them the same way I used to (defensively).
Oooohh, I had a dream about that very thing! This white, sparkly, tall, hairless, skinny entity walking slowly towards me emanating threats and danger, but as he got closer and closer the feelings changed to unconditional love, but I was still terrified and confused about the vibe changes. It found me where I was hiding and held me like a baby to soothe me, and I tried so hard to calm all the way down, but I still nipped his forearm with my teeth even tho I couldn't bring myself to bite and claw to escape like I would have if it had been that close when it had the dangerous vibes. I feel like it was showing me I need to let ppl change as quickly as they can and greet every encounter fresh instead of holding them to who they were in the past.
Not good at receiving criticism in the moment, kind of defensive. I can hear it but cannot immediately say "yeah you are right", it feels more like insult than help. Some of this is leftover hangups from my ex, who was quite cutting, mean about it. But some just my own immature tendencies. I have pretty much learned not to react and wait until I can think about it more objectively.
I still occasionally say negative and dismissive stuff about myself, like "no one cares for me" or "I really don't matter" etc. At least I'm able to catch myself sometimes, and last time it happened was at a party where it was hard to hear what anyone was saying unless you really focused
I don't think that's immature, but the reality you lived through. I used to be dismissive of these thoughts now I try to see what's the real momentum behind them.
I react defensively when my partner asks innocuous questions bc I learned at an early age there was nothing I could do that was "right." It annoys me that I do this, but he's never "hit back" which deepens my trust and lowers my defenses over time.
Assuming the personality or attitude of someone based on their resting facial expression. I know it's wrong but I don't know how to turn it off. Especially in a professional setting where everyone has to be polite all the time so its meaning as a social cue of how annoyed they are with you diminishes.
Not helped by the fact that I know I can be annoying to other people without realizing it.
33 Comments
itkovian@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 225d
So many. Not being able to regulate emotions, which led to me throwing "temper tantrums" kind of. 7 years of therapy and I think I had major breakthrough. I am still evaluating it, but I am fairly confident that I might have overcome it.
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 225d
What do you feel was the precursor to the breakthru?
itkovian@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 225d
It is really difficult to explain, but I will try it. I was greatly distressed one day, and decided to write an essay on Community and Compassion. As I was writing it, it basically came out as a rant and increased my distress and I was able identify a thought that was running in my head. It said "I am not enough." I don't why, but I reversed it and started 'chanting' "I am enough". I immediately felt like a huge wait lifted from my mind. I felt lighter. So, basically that became my chant now.
In retrospect, it made sense and yet, it was really hard for me to become aware of it. But, in the end, all those therapy sessions paid off, even if I had lost hope.
wewbull@feddit.uk · 5 pts · 225d
This is what some call "mindfulness". The ability to be aware of feeling an emotion, and then to be able to step outside of that and ask "why am I feeling that?". You can then start to work on the cause rather than the symptoms.
If you ever get taught meditation, a lot of it is about letting the mind go in the direction it wants to go, catching it, noting it, and then resetting. Lather, rinse, repeat.
You just did it when you were writing an essay.
itkovian@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 225d
Yeah, mindfulness helped me to become aware of that thought. Mindfulness is just incredible, in my experience.
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 224d
What was the trigger as best you can pinpoint that time? What do you feel triggered the distress, what was the context?
itkovian@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 224d
I felt ignored, which made me feel worthless. Exact circumstances are too personal to share. But, the realization that I have never felt compassion in my life, as far back as I can remember was too much at the time.
eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 16 pts · 225d
When I'm mentally unwell, I isolate myself instead of sharing the load with the loved ones in my life that would jump at the opportunity to support me. I fear being seen in a vulnerable state and given enough rumination I can easily find "reasons" why maybe it would be for the best if I disappeared for a bit instead.
I haven't been able to directly overcome it yet, but I've become aware enough to communicate it and people in my life at least know the signs of it happening now.
RiverRock@lemmy.ml · 12 pts · 225d
I used to be a stereotypical wall puncher, it was so fucking embarassing. Been sober off the drywall dust for a few years now
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 224d
What do you feel helped you move away from that?
I was never a smasher so to speak but anger was a big thing for me before I learned about boundaries and quit people pleasing
RiverRock@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 223d
I think it was a slow-burn, building awareness after every incident that this wasn't someone i wanted to be: it felt juvenile and embarassing. One day it reached a point where that awareness matched the blind rage i felt and allowed me to choose (with difficulty) not to do it in the moment. After that the choice got easier each time until the urge faded away. I still yell more than I'd like but I'm no longer destructive
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 223d
But what is it that even leads to the yelling? That suggests that things are still often escalating and there's something not yet addressed?
Do you remember an example of a time you ended up yelling but rewind to the people, things,location, and conditions that combined to create that storm? Try tracing it back,what prior experience did it resemble if any?
Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 225d
I get jealous / insecure with my partner drinking with single dudes, I'm working on it, but definitely haven't overcome it
hogmomma@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 225d
There have been a couple of people who used to maybe not treat me the best. Over the past couple of years, they have drastically changed that behavior. It's been challenging for me to ALLOW them to change and not respond to them the same way I used to (defensively).
HurricaneLiz@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 224d
Oooohh, I had a dream about that very thing! This white, sparkly, tall, hairless, skinny entity walking slowly towards me emanating threats and danger, but as he got closer and closer the feelings changed to unconditional love, but I was still terrified and confused about the vibe changes. It found me where I was hiding and held me like a baby to soothe me, and I tried so hard to calm all the way down, but I still nipped his forearm with my teeth even tho I couldn't bring myself to bite and claw to escape like I would have if it had been that close when it had the dangerous vibes. I feel like it was showing me I need to let ppl change as quickly as they can and greet every encounter fresh instead of holding them to who they were in the past.
We'll get there lol 😂💜
Digit@lemmy.wtf · 8 pts · 224d
Coming up with "clever" non-answers as answers to undermine questions that prompt me to do some hard introspection and grow.
I'll let you know after posting this reply.
RBWells@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 224d
Not good at receiving criticism in the moment, kind of defensive. I can hear it but cannot immediately say "yeah you are right", it feels more like insult than help. Some of this is leftover hangups from my ex, who was quite cutting, mean about it. But some just my own immature tendencies. I have pretty much learned not to react and wait until I can think about it more objectively.
Nemo@slrpnk.net · 8 pts · 225d
I'd rather say something clever than accurate or useful... and often do.
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 225d
Do you have a reputation as a strict bullshitter/shootshitter lol?
Nemo@slrpnk.net · 4 pts · 225d
I'm not sure what "strict" means in this sentence, but I make my money with my mouth, yeah.
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 224d
Like do people trust what you say or that you will do what you commit to?
Nemo@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 221d
People trust that I'll follow through on commitments, and I do. Close friends have learned to treat trivia from me with suspicion.
sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 221d
I belive you
Battle_Masker@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 7 pts · 225d
I still occasionally say negative and dismissive stuff about myself, like "no one cares for me" or "I really don't matter" etc. At least I'm able to catch myself sometimes, and last time it happened was at a party where it was hard to hear what anyone was saying unless you really focused
KnightOfOldEmpire@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 224d
I don't think that's immature, but the reality you lived through. I used to be dismissive of these thoughts now I try to see what's the real momentum behind them.
HurricaneLiz@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 224d
I react defensively when my partner asks innocuous questions bc I learned at an early age there was nothing I could do that was "right." It annoys me that I do this, but he's never "hit back" which deepens my trust and lowers my defenses over time.
marcie@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 224d
as soon as i realize someone is an idiot irl i do my best to be annoying and waste their time
i just cant stop myself
ohellidk@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 225d
All or nothing, crab-in-a-bucket mentality. Being aware of it helps...
HiddenLayer555@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 224d
Assuming the personality or attitude of someone based on their resting facial expression. I know it's wrong but I don't know how to turn it off. Especially in a professional setting where everyone has to be polite all the time so its meaning as a social cue of how annoyed they are with you diminishes.
Not helped by the fact that I know I can be annoying to other people without realizing it.
MrSulu@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 224d
I have outsourced this need to my partner.
Lorfan@lemmy.world · -2 pts · 225d
I can't focus at all. I blame the government for banning most focus enhancing drugs.
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 224d
Adderall & Vyvanse are banned? Or you just don't have access to them?
some@programming.dev · 2 pts · 224d
they are banned in the phillipines